Page 41 of A Lesson In Beginning

“That’s a simple answer. You make a list. Things that sound good, you put in the yes column. Things that don’t sound pleasant, you put in the no column.” He shrugged lightly, but stayed relatively emotionless, only focused on providing answers to my questions with open honesty and calmness.

“And what about the things you just don’t know about?”

“Those go in a maybe column. From there, you learn about them, and try them in a safe space. All of which can be easily negotiated. And your thoughts can change on things over time, which is why it’s good to update your list often.”

“How do you know if you’ve had an orgasm?” My voice softened at this question. Even his calm assuredness and soothing gestures could not mitigate such a forward and intimate question.

“I am not sure you can miss it when it happens. Though, if it’s a smaller orgasm, it might be harder to tell. It’s different for a man versus a woman. May I ask you a question, Adah?” His voice, lower but not carrying that sense of command he had exhibited a few times before, lulled me into nodding my head yes. Not that I would have rebuked him.

“Have you ever had an orgasm?” His eyes stared into mine, unwilling to let me look down, as much as I wanted to in that moment.

This is a safe place.

Safe

“I think so.” I wanted to be confident in my answer, but timidness won the battle, open honesty prevailing.

“More than once?” One singular brow arched high above his eye.

“Only once.”

“When?” His question came without any pause, direct and forward. I trembled beneath his gaze, beneath his insistent touch.

“Last night.”

“And did you think of the scene we watched?” His voice was so low, I swore I felt it more than actually hearing the words he spoke.

“No,” I said, my voice nothing more than a breathy whisper.

“What did you think of?” His grip tightened around my wrists, but I felt no fear. Only that now familiar tightening deep within my core as my arousal flared anew.

“You.” My breath caught, shuddery and labored.

“Would you like me to teach you, Adah?” His eyes bored into my own, and I knew my answer before I even spoke it.

“Yes.”

CHAPTER 14

“Wanna play with Violet! Puh-wease, Mama?” Samuel had become incessant in his pleading for play dates with Talia and Zeke’s eldest daughter. The two were peas in a pod and had become nearly inseparable over the last few weeks. Luckily, a play date was the exact thing on the schedule this afternoon; if only he could hold out for another twenty minutes. And if only this Mama could refrain from pulling her hair out in the meantime. He had been latched to my side for the last two hours, begging, pleading, crying, and tantrum-throwing over wanting to play with her.

“Samuel, I’ve already told you that Uncle Zeke will be here soon to pick you up for a play date with Violet. Please be patient, little lamb.” I cringed at my exasperation towards my impatient toddler. It wasn’t his fault. Patience was something most adults struggled with, so how was it fair of me to expect him to have mastered a skill even I struggled with?

“I wanna go now!” He stamped his little foot, the scowl on his face reminding me so much of myself at that age — that wasn’t entirely true; that scowl had been a frequent expression for most of my life, and I had only learned how to mask it in my adult years when the need had become dire. Wives were seen and not heard, and had better not be seen with such wicked expressions as that.

I knelt down on the ground, taking his hands in my own as I regulated my own emotions before speaking.

“I know it’s hard to wait, but I promise you, Uncle Zeke will be here soon. Would you like me to put a timer on the oven so you can hear when it’s time?” His eyes lit up, nodding with renewed excitement. Pulling his hands from my grasp, he raced to the kitchen, eager for the timer to be set. It was a suggestion Talia had made, having suffered similar tantrums from Violet.

“Hit the button, Mama!” I laughed lightly at his adorable antics, reaching up to the oven to set a timer for him. He immediately crossed his legs, sitting down right smack dab in the center of the kitchen floor, eyes glued to the timer with a laser focus as the numbers counted down the last fifteen minutes he had to wait until Uncle Zeke arrived.

I shook my head, leaving him to his focus while I went back upstairs to finish packing his bag. He needed very little to go over to their house, but I still wanted to make sure they had anything they would need. A sippy-cup, his favorite toy, a change of clothes — though, I decided to make it three extra outfits. Toddlers were notorious for the wreckage they caused to their clothing.

Zipping the bag up after one last check of the contents inside, I heard the doorbell ring, alerting me to Zeke’s arrival.

“Hey there, brother! How’s it going?” I heard Zeke greet Levi a split second before the pitter patter of my son’s feet came flying down the hallway.

“Walk, don’t run, Samuel!” I scolded him with exasperation. The child was going to end up face first into the hardwood floor with his enthusiasm and neglect for physical safety.

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