Page 48 of Third and Ten

My heart is thrumming so loudly in my ears that I can barely hear him. He waits until my eyes meet his again before he continues, making it even harder to keep my expression neutral.

“I’ll try my best to keep my feelings for you to myself, if that’s what you really want. But I’m hoping there’s at least a small part of you that feels something for me, too.”

I watch his chest as it rises and falls, and then the muscles in his throat contract as he swallows, as if his confession has taken a lot out of him.

“I don’t know. You say you can’t stop thinking about me, but weren’t you with someone else a few days ago?”

Wait, that’s how I answer him? He’s basically pouring his heart out to me, and my reply is to bait him into talking about his attempt to make me jealous?

What is wrong with me?

He huffs and shakes his head before he responds. “Wow. You’ve gotten so good at turning me down that I don’t even notice when you’re doing it.” He smiles in disbelief. “I’m pretty sure you know exactly why I offered to walk Loren to her car the other night. And for the record, there never was or will be anything going on between Lo and me.”

I open my mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. He’s right; I already know too much. Yet, I’m still relieved to hear him say it out loud, to admit that he’s more interested in me than Loren.

He looks down at his feet for a second before swinging us back and standing up on the return. “I should probably get going. It’s late.”

“JD, wait.” I know I have to say something now if I want to avoid hurting his feelings again. “I’m not good at this kind of stuff. I’m sorry for assuming you were just flirting all this time and for not taking you more seriously. I just figured you joke around with other women the way you do with me,” I blurt out.

He shrugs, his hands sinking into his pockets. “I haven’t found any other women worth flirting with since you came home.”

Oof.

My heart feels heavy, as if it’s struggling to keep beating. There’s a tiny voice in the back of my mind that is screaming at the top of her lungs because JD is a good man, and I’m pushing him away. But I don’t have the emotional capacity to even consider how I really feel about him with everything else on my plate, much less to handle a relationship. And it doesn’t take a genius to see that JD Bourgeois is a relationship kind of guy.

I take a deep breath to collect myself. “You’re sweet, JD, and very charming. I like spending time with you, but my life is already so, so complicated. I’m always on call, and my family needs me right now. Ethan’s hearing is coming up soon, and I can’t think about anything else until all that is settled. You should want to be with someone who can give you the attention you deserve.”

“Tenley, I’d never try to pressure you into anything. But I’m also entitled to make up my own mind about who and what I want. I’m well aware of how I could fit into your life,” he says, his voice deep and stern. “So, how about you tell me what you actually want instead of reciting a list of your objections?”

Heat flashes over my face as anger and embarrassment bubble up to the surface. I can’t believe he has the nerve to call me out like this.

Until I stop and realize he’s right. I’m selfishly making decisions on his behalf, and I’ve been operating under the assumption that dating him would require so much effort on my part, when all he seems to want is to make my life easier.

Hell, he’s been killing himself just to get me to notice him. That’s got to count for something, right?

“Tenley?” he asks, moving closer again.

And the way his nearness awakens butterflies in my stomach that I’ve never felt before only proves that I’ve been lying to myself. But refusing to acknowledge that I’m drawn to JD doesn’t make it any less true.

I squeeze my eyes shut, straining as if there is a rubber band around my heart that can be easily stretched. I think about the way my insides melted earlier when he said I’d ruined him for all other women, then again when he nearly ruined me by asking me to stare at his bare back and by making me listen to his reaction to my cooking.

But as soon as I try to extend the rubber band far enough to include anything close to dating, relationship, or commitment, I panic, and the band snaps back into place.

And it stings.

What I want and what I can manage are still two different things.

“And if all I want is a friend, at least for now?” I offer quietly.

“For now?” he asks.

I shrug, and he nods thoughtfully, his large frame casting a dark shadow over half of the porch. Then I notice a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Yeah, of course. I mean, the friend zone’s a little more disappointing after handling your underwear earlier today, but I’ll take what I can get…for now.”

My jaw drops, and I swing forward to mime a kick to his shin. He dodges it playfully. “I thought you just said you weren’t going to tease me anymore.”

“Eh, I think I deserved that one,” he says, grinning.

“Fine,” I concede. “Consider it your consolation prize.”

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