Page 18 of Fiendish Ways

Chapter Eleven

Each and every day, Cree longed for Nebraska. He had to wait until he was ready. There was no other way. He half expected the first time he turned up on Nebraska’s doorstep, he would have already missed his chance. It wasn’t like Nebraska couldn’t have anyone he wanted. There were definitely better choices than Cree. Archer had been paying Nebraska for a while now. He could afford to leave them behind.

He swiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. His gaze stayed locked on the door. He didn’t know if he could knock. Before he could decide, the door swung open. Nebraska looked put out.

“I got tired of waiting to see what you’d do.”

Fuck. He was beautiful. “I still don’t know.”

A smile touched Nebraska’s lips. “Would you like to come in?”

Would he? Damn, he was a mess. Finally, Nebraska’s hand shot out. He snagged Cree’s shirt and hauled him inside. Cree forced his gaze to focus on something other than Nebraska. He had rearranged the furniture.

“Things look different in here.”

Nebraska shrugged. “I get bored a lot.”

That was Cree’s fault. “I want to say I’m sorry, since I know that’s my fault, but my therapist says I need to work on that since it’s a trauma response.”

To his surprise, Nebraska became the one who looked uncomfortable. “I didn’t have dinner planned or anything since I didn’t know you were coming.”

Cree nodded. “That’s okay. I actually came by to ask if I could take you to dinner.”

“I’d like that.” Nebraska sounded genuine. That eased some tension in Cree’s shoulders. Nebraska glanced around the room. “Um. Just let me grab my shoes.”

“Do whatever you need.” Cree shoved his hands in his pockets to hide the way they shook. He couldn’t recall ever being this nervous. Everything rode on Nebraska giving him this chance. He didn’t want to fail. Cree needed to be a better man for Nebraska. Their love meant everything to him, and he knew now that would never change for him. Months apart had dampened nothing. Cree’s arms still ached to hold Nebraska. His chest felt empty without Nebraska’s smiles. He couldn’t live without his other half.

Cree watched as Nebraska put on his shoes and gathered his things. He finally headed back Cree’s way. “Okay. I’m ready.”

As much as Cree hated tearing his eyes away, he turned and opened the door. Nebraska followed him out, locking the door behind him. Cree headed for his SUV and opened the passenger side door for Nebraska.

Nebraska flashed him a smile and climbed inside. He waited until Cree slid behind the wheel before saying anything. “You got a new SUV.”

Cree focused on maneuvering his way down the long driveway before responding. He hated bringing up anything bad from the past almost immediately. “The other one had some triggering memories attached. I needed a change.”

Nebraska didn’t say anything.

Cree chanced a quick glance his way.

Nebraska looked thoughtful. Finally, he spoke. “It had some good memories too. You rescued me in that SUV.”

“Not enough.” Cree didn’t know how to explain how some things felt very unsalvageable to him.

“I understand.”

Cree imagined he did. He doubted—no matter what happened—that Nebraska would ever want to share their bedroom again. Cree had likely scarred Nebraska in a lot of ways he didn’t deserve. His thoughts darkened. He knew he had to say something, because not talking had been their biggest downfall.

“I’m starting to feel like, if I was a better man, then I would leave you in peace.”

Another round of silence met his confession. It was as if Nebraska picked through his words before finding the right ones. “Since I lost you, in the most horrific way, I don’t have any peace to disturb.”

That hurt Cree’s chest. He genuinely wanted to fix them. Most of the time, that felt impossible. “I’m sorry.”

A cute chuckle caressed his ears. “You’re supposed to be working on not constantly apologizing.”

“You’re owed several.”

“Hmm.” Nebraska blew out a breath. “Maybe. Maybe not. Upon many months of reflection, I see all the ways I went wrong too. It was obvious you didn’t feel confident in our relationship. Instead of doing whatever it took to reassure you, I decided I didn’t want to be treated like an untrustworthy child, so I pushed back by doing what I wanted with no regard to the damage it did to us.”

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