Page 65 of A Reckless Memory

But that was in the past. Looking back on a time line that never happened messed with my head. Best to focus on the present.

I gave Ansen a small smile to tell him I didn’t mind. The same realization floated through his eyes, and he dropped his gaze to his hot chocolate.

“I have a question, Emmaline,” I said. When I got her attention—and everyone else’s, I leaned toward her. “How many marshmallows is just right?”

She grinned and started touting the benefits of the more the merrier when it came to all sizes of marshmallows. Ansen’s gaze softened, and when he looked at me, I had to distract myself by taking a drink. I saw my desires from long ago reflected in the bay-colored depths of his irises. The longing. The loss.

I’d never allowed myself to ask what would’ve happened if I hadn’t left that day. But I’d done the leaving first. I’d listened to my mother, the woman who hadn’t stuck around to learn what was best for me. Leaving was better than watching him go. Had I known I wasn’t strong enough then? Had I known it would’ve devastated me to keep living and working on the ranch where everything reminded me of him?

Was the real question whether I was strong enough now if he decided I wasn’t the one for him and that Crocus Valley wasn’t where he wanted to be?

Thirteen

AGGIE

I was leaving work when Cody called. Instead of talking to him on the drive home, I sat in the pickup and let it heat up. The temperature hovered at ten degrees, and the wind was bitter. More snow had fallen since the last storm. It’d be a white Christmas.

“Hello?” I braced myself, never sure what news I’d be getting from him with Daddy’s health continually deteriorating.

“Is that Christmas offer still on the table?”

“Yes,” I said without thinking and sucked in a relieved breath. Even if I had realized I’d have to tell him about my relationship with Ansen, I would’ve said yes. The only decision I had to make was whether I’d hide it or not. “When are you coming, and how long are you staying?”

“Meg’s parents wanted the kids for all of Christmas break—and I’m not gonna lie, it’d be easier. Austen’s only taking leave for a few days, but Sutton said she’d help watch them over break when their day care’s closed. I’d hate for them to miss their uncle when he’s in town, so I thought maybe we’d make sure to go and see you too.”

Meg’s parents probably had issues with the day care in the first place, and this was Cody’s justification. Cody took them to a small, in-home day care with a woman who was born and raised in Buffalo Gully and wanted to support her family while she stayed home with her kids. It was cozy, intimate, and convenient. He’d known the family forever. But Meg’s parents thought the kids should be getting early education like they were going from preschool to an Ivy League college. It didn’t help that Meg hadn’t liked living in Buffalo Gully.

“I have a three-day weekend over Christmas and the week after. Stay as long as you want.”

“We’ll get a hotel.”

“I have plenty of room, Cody. I even have all that furniture you complained I was wasting money on.”

“Grayson’s been asking to see your new place.”

“Skinny’s pretty friendly. I even have a donkey called Shrek now.” Shrek had arrived shortly after Skinny. After the worst of his car-accident trauma had healed. Ansen had studied up on all things donkey, and he’d recited his research and facts when we’d gone to pick the animal up from Dr. Jake’s office.

“Ansen?”

My eagerness vanished, and I turned guarded. I wasn’t ready to tell Cody today. “He’s doing good.”

“How good?”

I chewed the inside of my cheek. The same thoughts ran through my head as the last time I talked to him. If I kept evading his inquiries, I’d look like I had something to hide. I’d come off as immature. If I wanted things to be different with my brothers, then I had to act differently. “We’re seeing each other.”

“For fuck’s sake, Aggie.” The heat in his words hit swiftly, but it was accompanied by a resigned I knew it, all in the same sentence.

“It’s not like that.”

“Like he has a pattern? Like he’s done this before? Like maybe he found a way to live the good life because now he can sleep with the boss and not just the kid of the boss?”

Anger and defensiveness mingled inside me. I shifted in my seat and let the drone of the pickup’s heat dull my ire. “Stay out of it, Cody. You don’t know him, and you don’t even know me that well. It’s not like I’m sitting out here made of money. AKA has some ragtag animals, not horses that can be sold to make a name for the business.”

“I don’t trust him,” Cody growled. “But I guess you’ll see what he’s really like when Barns is gone and that inheritance is yours.”

“Doesn’t mean he’ll get access to the money. But hey, thanks for thinking that I’m such a catch that he can’t resist me.” I infused my voice with as much sarcasm as it could hold.

Cody blew out a tired breath. “It’s not like that. Any guy would be lucky to be with you. One thing I’ve learned is that you don’t make it easy on them.”

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