Page 286 of Wrong Pucking Player

“Why do I feel like it won’t matter what I say,” he whispers and lowers his lips until they're covering mine.

I don’t want to think that this kiss is our last, but God… why does it feel like it is?

My whimper only makes me kiss him harder, as I grip his shirt once more, so he’s forced to move even closer. This connection, this chemistry, the immense safety this man brings to me has been something I’ve become so accustomed to that the idea of losing it all destroys me.

Losing him makes me feel as though I’m losing myself.

I’ve been in love.

Deeply in love.

Yet falling in love with Oscar Armani has been the most eye-opening, rejuvenating, validating, and passionate relationship I’ve experienced with a man that carried a unique sense of sentiment.

He let me explore myself and become this woman who just watched a man’s brains be blown out without having a complete breakdown, and though I’m sure such trauma shouldn’t be one to be proud of enduring, I know the moment I started to put the pieces together of Armani’s life that I’d be confronted with this decision.

To be a part of it.

Or leave it behind.

When our lips are forced to part, I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks. Despite it, I stand my ground and swallow the lump forming in my throat.

“I’ll still support you,” I whisper, unable to look into his eyes. “I’m your team nurse after all. I don’t know what’s going to happen after the semi-finals… but if anyone tries to bring you down, I’ll shut them up. I’ll talk about all the amazing qualities you carry… and… um…”

How dear you are to me.

How compassionate you are to so many behind closed doors.

How you go over and beyond to take care of those who can’t.

Your love for cats.

Your passion for maintaining and flourishing life in plants.

The raw ability you carry to see the goodness in everyone, even if it means putting yourself in the wrong limelight.

“Fuck, Andrews.”

I too look up, my eyes widening as I see the flow of tears running down his flushed cheeks.

“We can’t fucking do this.”

I’m in his arms in a heartbeat, his hug so tight, as if he can’t bear having me slip from his grasp.

“You… are the only person on this fucking planet who’d push me away, thinking you’re saving me from some spiraling shit,” he grumbles. “Fuck. Do you think I can let you go now? That I’m some egotistic bastard like Winchester and can’t have a woman stand equally by my side?” He pulls back so he can say his next words while peering desperately into my eyes.

“We’re beyond that, baby. You fucking know that, Sweet Kitten. You knew the moment I let you use my phone that I wanted you to be a part of my world. Even at the risk… the plentiful number of risks that are involved, the idea of you being present at a level deeper than hockey…” He struggles to swallow before he takes a deep breath. “I don’t care if you’re beside me or even in front of me, Kenzie. You’re already part of my world. All I need is to know if this is the path you want to walk on.”

I feel like I’m dreaming, yet I know I’m not.

That this is really happening, and he’s giving me the chance to accept my fate or walk away from it all.

“Whatever you choose, I’ll be right there.” He reaches out to wipe away my tears. “Whether you want to delve into the shadows or just enjoy the world of hockey as a team nurse. Whatever you decide, I’ll make sure everyone follows through.”

I take a steady breath before I reach for his hand.

Grabbing it firmly, I press myself against him, before I whisper, “You won’t change your mind? Even… if I get hurt?”

“If that happens…” he begins and takes a nervous breath. “Then we have to make sure it doesn’t happen twice.”

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