Page 65 of Reclaimed

I turned back to Ray once more. I took a long hard look. It felt like the multitude of emotions that were running through me were also flickering in Ray’s eyes.

“David, listen.” How on earth was I going to get him to understand? “I love you, but Ray… owns my heart.”

“What? I don’t… What do you mean?”

“I… I’m staying.”

It felt like the longest silence I’d ever had to endure. I watched his face shift from confusion to shock, from pity to anger. I’d been right. If he’d struggled to understand me before, there was no way he could hope to understand me now.

“What has he done to you? Callie, you don’t know what you’re saying. Come home, please. We don’t have to tell the police or anything, okay? Ray will be fine,” he said through gritted teeth, “but you need to come back with me. You can’t let him keep hurting you.”

I knew what he must think – that I was broken, that I was deranged. His eyes were so desperate; it felt like they were boring a hole in my chest.

“I can’t go back with you. I’m not the same person you were going to marry. I’m too far into this now. But you, you can leave all this behind. Forget me, forget him.”

“How can you say that?”

“I’m sorry, David, I’m so sorry you got brought into all this. But it’s over now, okay? I’m going to be alright.”

I’d never seen him look so livid. He looked past me to Ray and yelled, “What have you done to her?” David was raging and sobbing. I didn’t want to leave him like that, but nothing I could say was going to make it better. I squeezed his hand and took one last look at him, before getting up and turning to walk back to Ray. He’d been too far away from us to hear our conversation, but I saw the realisation hit as I walked back towards him. His lips parted slightly, and I knew he was letting out a breath.

“Can we go back home now, please?” I tried to keep my voice level. I needed to hold everything in a little longer. Ray nodded. He didn’t attempt to touch me as we walked back to the car. He must have been able to sense everything that was simmering just below the surface.

Once we were inside the car with the door closed, he sighed heavily and signalled to Mark to wait before turning to me.

“You’re sure?”

I could only nod.

On the way home, Ray held me while I cried. He didn’t question me or get angry that I was upset. He didn’t even bother covering my eyes. He just let me sob into his lap, and he stroked my hair and rubbed my back.

When we finally arrived home, he settled me on the sofa and made me tea.

“Why would you do that to me?”

“I’m sorry if it seemed cruel, but it was necessary.”

“Did you know what I would choose?”

“I hoped, but I wasn’t certain.”

“What would you have done if I’d chosen him?”

“I’d have let you go,” he replied softly.

I think I believed him. He didn’t bother trying to explain himself. We both knew the reason – he could never have been fully satisfied by my choice while it was made under duress. He had wanted to truly test my loyalty. He had had to take me to the peak of my shame, to let me really see myself, to see if I would still choose him. I cried for the humiliation and pain he’d just put me through, and for the cruel irony of agreeing to let me go after all this time, only once he’d brought me to the point where I couldn’t possibly have left him. I cried for David, because I knew he’d never understand, and I cried for myself, and what it said about my own miserable fate that I had chosen to be with someone so unhinged, someone whose ego needed to see me completely broken down in submission before they could feel loved.

“Did you plan this all along?”

“No. And I didn’t do this to hurt you—”

“But you did,” I shouted desperately. “You do! You’ve admitted that you want to hurt me, and you’ve done it again and again!” I felt wild with despair, and I could see that Ray was alarmed by the intensity of my outburst. “A black eye is nothing compared to this. I never thought…” Ray had hurt me a thousand times; I was used to that, and I’d forgiven him for it, but what he’d put David through today was far harder to forgive.

“It’s done now. I know it hurts, but—”

“Shut up!” I was fully screaming at him now. “You know nothing about what this feels like. You know nothing about me. I hate you!” My words had little effect on him. We both knew none of them were true. Ray knew everything about me. Although he’d said otherwise, I think he had known the foolish, depraved choice I would make. He knew from the start that he’d be able to win me over. He’d told me when I’d first arrived that, by the time anyone found me, I’d be begging to stay. When I’d heard him say that, the insanity of it had made me terrified of him, but it turned out he’d been right. He had known that I’d reach this point, and he had known exactly what to do to get me here. He’d manipulated me, and I’d let him. And despite knowing all of this, I still chose to be his.

“I’ll give you some time,” said Ray quietly, and he simply turned and left.

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