Page 66 of Reclaimed

“I hate you!” I screamed at the door as it closed after him. I couldn’t process the emotions that were surging through me. I wished he’d locked me away in a dungeon, or that he was beating me, but not this, not alone in this room, half wishing him dead and half wishing he was holding me. Had I made the wrong choice? I swapped between exhausted and frantic, from certain to uncertain and back again. I wanted to drink, but I knew Ray wouldn’t let me. I didn’t know what to do. Would he still let me go if I asked him? I didn’t think so; he’d still fastened the multiple locks on the door when we had arrived home.

Besides, there was no way David would take me back now. I’d be completely alone. Who would I ever talk to about this who would understand?

I knew what I had to do.

“Ray!” I didn’t wait for his response. I sprinted up the stairs and burst into his room. I’d probably pay for that later. What was one more broken rule at this stage? I felt a small spark of satisfaction when I saw the trepidation on his face, but he didn’t back away as I strode towards him. We weren’t going to live like this anymore; I was done. I felt at once a fiery certainty and a calm knowing, as he watched me get closer, that every minute of every day that I’d been back with Ray had been leading up to this point.

I sank down at his feet and looked up at him, meeting his startled eyes with my determined ones.

“I’m ready for my punishment.”

It took a moment for my words to register. When the shock subsided, he sighed and shook his head. “I’m not going to punish you for anything that’s happened tonight, Callie. I understand—”

“Not for tonight. For that night two years ago.” He looked utterly stunned. “I shouldn’t have left you. I’ll never do it again. I want to be yours, only yours.” I’d thought he’d be delighted, but he only seemed shocked, even hesitant.

“I don’t think tonight is really—”

“Please,” I whispered. “Please, Master, I’m begging you.”

“Callie, no, you’re too—”

“No, please, please do it tonight, Master. I want this over. I want to wake up tomorrow and be wholly yours. I don’t want my mistake to haunt us anymore. I don’t want anything to keep me from you.” I knew this was the missing piece. Ray’s distrust, his ambivalence, the ease with which he could become angry with me – it was all because of this one unresolved matter between us. I hoped – I had to hope – that all that would end if I accepted my punishment.

“It won’t keep you from me, Callie. You’re still mine – more so today than ever.”

“But today has just proven that you are still angry with me. You still haven’t forgiven me for what I did, and you won’t until you’ve punished me for it. I understand that. I understand your anger, and I understand your hate, but I want it gone, tonight, please.”

He sighed heavily.

“You’re sure this is what you want? You can’t change your mind later. There’s no safe word for this.”

“I’m sure, Master.”

25

Half an hour later, I was kneeling on the floor of Ray’s office, waiting while he set things up. He’d already had me strip, and the floor was cold and hard, but I waited. What I was about to go through was going to be worse than anything else Ray had ever done to me, but afterwards, I could stay with him knowing that I’d never have to face anything like it again. Releasing a shuddering breath, I tried to picture the way he’d look at me the next day, and every day after that, once all this was finally behind us.

His footsteps came towards me.

“Look at me.” I met his eyes with ease. I didn’t have anything to hide anymore.

“This will be challenging for you. There will be moments where you think you can’t handle it. You will see me get angry, but you will not see me lose control. I will hurt you, but I will not harm you. And I will be there afterwards to look after you, okay?”

I nodded; the weight of the air around us made it impossible to speak.

He pulled out the cane, and reality hit home. I shrunk back, shaking my head frantically. I wanted to submit to him, I did, but the sight of him holding the cane again made it hard to breathe. I tried to beg, but only breathy whispers came out. I was shaking uncontrollably. All I could think of was his rage the last time he’d used that cane on me. I didn’t want to go through that again.

“Yes, Callie. It has to be the cane. Lie down on the desk.”

“I… I…”

“Lie down on the desk,” he repeated calmly.

Every part of me wanted to run, but I suspected that resistance at this stage would only lead to more pain. And I’d asked for this; I’d told Ray I was ready. I’d begged him to do this, to test me, and he knew exactly how to do that. I managed to drag my feet over to the desk and climb up onto it. I lay down on my front, my head turned to face Ray.

“That’s better.”

I went to wipe away a stray tear but jumped when I heard the cane swish through the air. It never landed – it was a warning.

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