Page 38 of Reclaimed

“The wrong kind being the kinky kind?”

“Yeah. He thought it was… He said there must be something wrong with me.” I couldn’t look at Ray. I wished he wasn’t pinning me down, so I could hide my face from him.

“Don’t hide yourself from me.” He looked murderous, but his voice sounded surprisingly level. “You never need to hide yourself from me. Tell me what else he said to you.”

“He didn’t need to say anything else. I told him I’d give it up. But I think he’d already… I think it was too late.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean he didn’t want me after that.” Ray’s hold on my wrists was becoming uncomfortably strong. “I mean, not that way.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “I think I messed it all up.”

“Fool,” Ray spat, and it took me a moment to realise he didn’t mean me.

“But what if he was right? Maybe what you and I had before was alright, but this? No one in their right mind would want this.”

“I want this. And so do you. It doesn’t matter what anyone else wants.” I simply shook my head. I couldn’t disregard others’ perceptions as easily as Ray could. “How did that work out? Giving it up?”

I didn’t lie to him this time. “I couldn’t do it. I knew something was missing. Even when we did…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it, for fear of what it might do to Ray, but he nodded in understanding, and he seemed reasonably well in control of himself. “I felt like someone else was doing it, not me. I didn’t know how to be there any other way. And it wasn’t just about… those times anyway. It’s more than that to me.”

“I know.” Ray sighed again, and I knew it was taking all the self-control he possessed not to launch into an angry tirade about David. “It’s who you are, Callie. You’re submissive. You like sex. You need a lot of touch. It takes a lot to make you feel safe. These aren’t bad habits you can give up on a whim; they’re things you need. It’s okay to need things.”

For the first time, I wondered if maybe Ray was right about everything. These needs… They felt like exactly that – needs. They’d never felt optional to me, but I’d got the message from David that they were unreasonable things to demand from someone. Maybe he was right too. But Ray was prepared to meet those needs, and that was an almost irresistible offer.

“So, what do you need?” I asked.

He looked startled by the question, but then smiled. “Well, this is why I always thought we worked so well together. I need to dominate. I like sex. I need lots of touch. I like to protect those I love.” He released my wrists and lay beside me, burying his face into my neck. “We’re perfect for each other. Forget everyone else.”

“But instinct is meant to tell us to avoid anything dangerous. And you’re definitely dangerous.”

“Only in a good way – a way that excites you.” He nipped teasingly at my neck.

“I just wish I wasn’t aroused by things that are bad for me.”

“But the question is, am I bad for you? We both like being bad sometimes, but I don’t honestly believe we are bad for each other.”

“You’re bad because you make me ignore everything else in the world except what my body desires. I shouldn’t let you do that.”

“Why shouldn’t you? Don’t you want to?”

“It’s just not right. I should be able to control myself.”

“You are allowed to just be happy. You need to let go of all these limits you’ve allowed others to put on you.”

“Don’t you think you saying that to me is kind of ironic?”

“The limits I put on you are to help you live your best life. The limits you let other people put on you prevent you from doing that. And I swear I will never put those kind of limits on you.”

“You’ve limited me more than anyone. You’ve literally limited me to just existing inside this house. You won’t let me use the internet, you won’t let me go out, you won’t let me contact anyone – what kind of life do you think you’re going to be able to give me inside these four walls?”

There was a long silence. Clearly, Ray hadn’t prepared an answer to that one.

“What about a career? What about friends? What about just normal life and going places? What about having a family?”

“Do you want all those things?”

“I don’t know. But I always thought I’d have the choice.”

“Callie, it won’t be like this forever. Once you’ve given yourself to me fully, and I know I can trust you, we can go out places again. I could pay for you to study more – whatever it is that you want.”

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