Page 25 of Reclaimed

I got so caught up flicking through my new books that I didn’t notice Ray come in. I was lying on my front on my bed, and I suddenly became very aware of how I must look to Ray with my dress crumpled up at the top of my legs.

“Don’t move.” There was no denying it anymore – that commanding tone still did things to me. I obeyed and watched him with wary excitement as he came and sat down next to me on the bed. He placed one hand on the sole of my foot and watched for my reaction. Seeing that it was safe to continue, he started to run his hand up my leg achingly slowly, letting his fingertips trail lightly over the thin material of my tights, light enough that it almost tickled. As he got closer to the crease at the top of my thigh, I closed my eyes – there was so much sensation, so much emotion, I wanted to run from it and sink into it at the same time. But he didn’t go any further. Instead, he stroked back down my leg all the way to my toes and then leant in close to me.

“Come on, little one, I have a surprise for you.”

I opened my eyes and saw Ray looking surprisingly composed. I took the hand he offered me and stood, feeling slightly on edge. He kept awakening little sparks in me as if he was finally going to… take me, and then nothing. Was he holding back because it was my birthday?

He led me into the kitchen, but I couldn’t see any food there.

“Do you trust me?”

Ray was holding a familiar piece of grey silk – a blindfold from our days of playing. Oh, maybe not holding back then. My mouth went dry. My body might want Ray, but I didn’t feel like my mind was ready to be that vulnerable with him. Bondage, blindfolding, pain – that all required more trust than I felt I had.

“It’s okay, it’s not anything like that. I just want to take you to your surprise.”

“Umm, okay.”

“Good girl.”

I stood stock-still while he wrapped the fabric over my eyes and began tying it behind my head. I almost forgot to breathe and had to draw in a hasty gulp of air.

“You okay?”

I nodded.

“You look so fucking perfect like this.” I felt goose bumps prickle over my arms. What if he wasn’t as in control as I thought? What if now he was seeing me in the blindfold, he was going to change his mind? Or what if he’d lied to me and his plan had always been for it to be ‘like that’. Instead, his warm hands rubbed my arms reassuringly before leading me forwards. I heard the click of the back door and felt the slightly cooler outside air. As promised, Ray removed the blindfold when we stopped. My relief was quickly overtaken with yet more gratitude at the devotion Ray was showing me. He’d set up a stunning afternoon-tea-style picnic under the tree in the garden.

“This looks amazing,” I whispered, my voice faltering slightly at the end. I felt a burning sensation behind my eyes and pulled my arms up around myself. These days every tiny moment of happiness was followed by guilt. I didn’t want Ray to know that I was getting emotional, but he always knew.

“Something wrong?” I shook my head and leant my head against his chest. The cynical voice in my head told me he was only doing all of this to win me over, to break me in, that it was all just a means to an end so that he could convince me to come to his bed. But we both knew that if all he wanted was sex he could and would have taken it by now, whether I wanted him to or not.

“Did I not get enough cake?” he teased.

“I just wasn’t expecting all this.”

“But you deserve all this.”

“I haven’t done anything.”

“You don’t need to do anything to be deserving of my attention, Callie.” I wanted to believe him, but it went against everything life had ever taught me. But Ray… God, even when I’d wanted him to give up on me and leave me alone, he’d refused. Our previous relationship might have involved rules and rewards and punishment, but I’d never had to work for his love. He hadn’t seen that as a reward; he’d seen it as my right. For a moment, I wished I’d never left; I wished I’d never tainted our relationship with my betrayal. I could trust Ray if he was like this all the time – I could have been so incredibly happy. But now that his love for me was combined with so much disgust, so much hate, I couldn’t see how we could ever get back to what we’d had in the past. Maybe he was holding back for my birthday, but that anger was still there somewhere, biding its time.

“Turn off your brain. It’s time for cake. Do you want more champagne?”

“Yes, please.”

We lazed in the garden for ages. I let Ray feed me cake. I let him keep topping up my glass. I let his hands rest wherever they wanted on me. I knew that it wasn’t safe to lose my inhibitions around him like this, but I needed to relinquish control. I’d never been good at carrying the weight of it for long, and we both sensed that it was getting too much for me.

*

The afternoon carried on with the same special treatment.

“We’re going to go and watch a film, anything you want, and I’m going to give you a shoulder massage, and we can drink more fizz, and eat more cake… Sound good?”

It sounded divine.

Ray set the film up before placing one of the sofa cushions on the floor in front of him. Another pang of warm familiarity struck me – I’d spent most evenings with Ray in the past sitting on the floor at his feet. For some reason, it had always made me feel safer and more loved than being with him up on the sofa.

Ray reassured me when he saw my hesitation. “It’s just so I can do your shoulders.”

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