Page 19 of Reclaimed

“Aren’t you allowed to have both comfort and pleasure?”

“I shouldn’t be getting either from you.”

“And why not?”

Was he being deliberately obtuse? “Because!” I burst out, the guilt I’d been suppressing for so long starting to escape. “Because I’m not here for those things! I’m not here for me at all! I’m here because you want me to be. I should be trying to run, not spending time with you like… like this.”

I chewed my lip, partly in anticipation of Ray’s anger and partly to keep me from saying anything else, but Ray’s voice was calm when he spoke.

“You still feel like you should be running?”

“Every second,” I whispered.

“Even now?”

“Especially now.”

“Well then, perhaps it would ease your mind if running wasn’t an option.”

He stood up and offered me his hand. I didn’t understand – running already wasn’t an option.

“What are you doing?”

“Just come with me.” I took his hand, and he led me upstairs. I only started to resist when he turned to go to his bedroom. “It’s okay, it’s not what you think. I’m going to help you.” We stayed still on the landing, him still holding my hand. I knew he could drag me in easily even if I struggled, but he seemed to be waiting for me to make the choice, and he’d said we weren’t going to have sex… “You can trust me.” I walked with him into his room.

“You broke up with me a week before our anniversary. I’d already ordered this cage for you so that we could have some fun with it.”

“No, Ray, please, this isn’t… I don’t… Please don’t put me in there…”

“Why are you so afraid? You always wanted a cage.”

“I know but… not now, not like this, please.”

“I know you might find this hard to believe, but I’m doing this to help you.”

“By trying to recreate some sick fantasy roleplay?”

“By taking away your conflict. You say you can’t relax with me because you feel like you ought to run. Well, this way, you can’t run; you can’t make a break for it; you can’t lash out. If none of those are options, you’ll have to relax, eventually.”

“Don’t pretend this is anything to do with making me feel better. You’re loving this.”

“Will I enjoy finally seeing you in a cage in my bedroom? Yes. But what I will enjoy more is not having to see you like this anymore.” He sounded so sincere I almost believed him. But I’d made that mistake before. “Look, you have to trust me on this. If you don’t feel any better after half an hour, you can come out, but I know this will help you. We’re not doing anything sexual right now; this is for your state of mind, okay? And this won’t be like being shut in your room – I won’t leave you on your own.”

I’d run out of counterarguments, so I let him walk me over to the cage. As soon as the door was locked behind me, I knew he had been right. The expanse of the house and garden had made escape seem like a vague possibility, something I could achieve if only I tried hard enough, but the second the door of the cage closed, my world became smaller, and there was undeniably some security in that. Everything that had seemed like a moral obligation before was so clearly not an option now. All I could do in the pursuit of escape would be to throw myself repeatedly against the bars, but I could tell from the thickness of them that all that would do was injure me, and I wasn’t deranged enough to do that. Sitting as far back in the cage as I could also gave me a feeling of safety from Ray. He couldn’t reach me to hurt me in here, so for as long as that door was locked, I was safe.

Ray couldn’t contain his satisfied smile. “I knew this would come in handy; I just hadn’t envisioned getting to use it quite so soon.”

He gave me a blanket from his bed and a cup of fresh water, before lying down on the bed. For a moment I worried that he was just going to watch me, but he took out his iPad and left me alone.

*

After half an hour, Ray came and sat beside the cage.

“Feeling better?” I nodded, resenting him for always being right.

“See? Resisting me is the only thing bringing you pain right now. When you accept yourself and your situation, you feel calmer. What is it that’s keeping you from giving yourself to me?”

Surely, he understood that I couldn’t bring myself to answer honestly. If I said David’s name, I was sure Ray would drag me out of that cage and hurt me somehow.

---