Page 159 of Mad Love

“You good, baby?” He was laughing at me.

“There’s got to be something wrong with me,” I muttered, putting in the other earring. “I’m about to bury my mom and all I can think about is—”

His arms came around me from behind, hugging my back to his chest. “Think about what?”

A shiver rolled down my spine. I loved when he used that rough, growly tone with me. It made everything in me come alive.

But seriously, I needed to get my hormones under control.

Sighing, I turned and stepped back. “How do I look?”

“Stunning,” he replied, reaching around to anchor his fingers around the back of my neck. “Mads, there’s no pressure for today, all right?”

“Why am I nervous?” I tugged at the hem of my black dress. It was new; I’d had to go into town yesterday to buy a funeral dress while my mother’s ashes were brought up to Northern California. The plan was to drive out to a small, rocky bay forty-five minutes northeast to spread her ashes.

My stomach twisted. She’d been cremated before I’d had a chance to claim her body. Ash had tracked down her remains to a mortuary several hundred miles away, where what was left would’ve been destroyed if she’d been left there indefinitely.

Ryan sighed and watched me, and I could see him struggling with how to comfort me. He didn’t get it. His mother had been his world at one point, and he still mourned her to some extent. But Beckett was gone, and Ryan wouldn’t have lifted a finger to recover any remains of his father’s.

My mom had hurt me in more ways than I could count. She’d been a horrible excuse for a mother, but there was still this bond that just wouldn’t let me leave her to rot in some unknown locker until she was disposed of with a bunch of other unnamed, unclaimed people.

“This is depressing,” I muttered, edging backward until my legs hit the bed and I sat down.

Ryan came to stand in front of me. “It’s a funeral, babe. They’re not exactly known for their party atmosphere.”

“Am I doing the right thing?” I tipped up my head and looked at him.

“Maddie, I gave up trying to figure out why you do the things you do,” he admitted.

My jaw dropped. “Thanks.”

“Stop.” He held my face in his hands. “I just mean, there’s a goodness in you that I’ll never understand. I’m not built that way, but I love that you are. I love that you’re compassionate and forgiving. In fact, I really love how forgiving you are.”

I rolled my eyes and lightly punched his stomach.

“Just because I wouldn’t do this doesn’t mean it’s wrong,” he finished. “It just means you’ve got a big heart, and I hope that never changes.”

I stood and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Thank you.”

He kissed the top of my head as someone knocked on the door before pushing it open. Ash stuck his head inside. “The, uh, car just dropped off… We can leave whenever you’re ready.” He shot me a tight smile.

“Ready to go?” Ryan asked me, leaning back to look in my eyes.

“Yeah.” I took in a deep breath and exhaled hard, feeling another chip I’d been carrying around start to break free. Maybe one day they’d all be gone, but for right now, it was a start.

CHAPTER 56

MADDIE

“A toast,” Linc declared the following night, standing up like the ridiculous host of what he was calling our biggest win. He raised his beer bottle and pointed it at me across the table. “To Maddie, for being an absolute badass.”

Ryan’s fingers traced a loose pattern on my shoulder, the arm he’d draped around me a comfort anchoring me in the moment. We were dining in the back of some fancy restaurant high above the Los Angeles skyline as the sun set in the background. It was like something out of a movie, but I was too tired to really care.

The day had begun with a long, drawn-out court session featuring a lot of big words. But ultimately the restraining order against Ryan was declared null and void. When I’d finished hashing out everything Gary had done to me, the judge—not the same one Gary had paid off—looked more than a little ashamed at how the legal system had failed me.

Then we’d spent several hours at the police station as I gave my account of what had happened the night Gary was shot. It had taken forever, and I was wrung out by the end, even though Linus and Court sat with me the entire time, interjecting on my behalf when the questions became a little too probing.

I’d been given the option to wait at Bex’s house with her while Ryan and the others went in for questioning, but I’d been determined to stay put in case they needed me. Hours in a hard, plastic chair had left my butt numb and my lower back aching.

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