Page 157 of Mad Love

CHAPTER 55

MADDIE

After getting Eloise for Grandpa, I wandered out the back door and toward the barn and the sounds of playful puppy yips. I was greeted with waves and smiles from the stable staff, and I stayed out of the way as they led some of the horses out to a pasture for exercise.

The cool air whipped into the open barn, but it couldn’t quite chase away the lingering warmth left over from all the animals it housed. I followed the sounds of the puppies to a stall at the end of a row.

The mother, a gorgeous chocolate Labrador with golden eyes, looked up at me from where she stood with no less than nine puppies jumping around her. She seemed to give me a look that said and you think you have problems.

Smiling, I let myself into the space and sat down. It wasn’t a second before the puppies scampered to me, abandoning their mother in favor of a new chew toy. With a huff, the mother lay down and closed her eyes.

I lost track of time as I played with the puppies, watching them roll and pounce with adorable awkwardness until, one by one, they crawled over to their mother and snuggled against her to sleep. Eventually I was left with a single puppy, who seemed more content to sleep on my lap while I stroked his fur.

Resting my head against the wall, I let my eyes drift shut as I petted the innocent life in my lap.

“Should I be offended that you think a barn floor is more comfortable than our bed?” Ryan teased, unlatching the door and stepping inside the stall to kneel beside me.

I lazily opened my eyes with a smile. “Our bed doesn’t have puppies.”

An odd look crossed his face, and he looked at the puppy I was holding. “You want a dog?”

I glanced down at the sleeping thing. “One day? Maybe?” I shrugged. “I never really had a pet. There was this old alley cat that I used to think was mine. I fed him scraps from dinner and breakfast. Then he bit me, and I needed a tetanus shot.”

Ryan snorted and shook his head as he sat beside me. “Jesus, Maddie.”

“Did you have pets growing up?” I asked, curious. We didn’t talk about his childhood much, and I knew it was a sore topic.

He scoffed in disbelief. “Please, have you met my father? That’s a hard no. But Mom would bring us here, and there was always something furry to play with.” He reached over and rubbed the puppy’s muzzle. “But having a dog might be cool.” He nudged my shoulder with a smile. “One day.”

I leaned my head against his shoulder and exhaled, happy just to be with him.

“I hate to push, but have you thought about what Court said?” he asked, almost hesitant. It was always strange when he sounded anything less than utterly confident.

I nodded. “I actually talked to Grandpa about it before I came out here.”

“He’s usually my go-to for advice, too,” he admitted, tracing the puppy’s tail with a finger. “What’d he say?”

“A lot,” I replied, “but I think the most important takeaway was that no matter what name I pick, the history attached to it doesn’t matter. What matters is us moving forward.” I turned and looked him in the eye. “I’m keeping Madelaine’s name. It makes the most sense. And, in a lot of ways, Madison Porter did die months ago. I can’t go back to who I used to be, even if I wanted to.”

“I don’t care what your name is on a piece of paper. And Grandpa’s right, baby, it doesn’t matter.”

“But it could,” I added. “I could make the Cabot name mean something good, right?”

The corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. “You think you’re keeping that last name for much longer? I got rid of it once, and I have every intention of doing it again.”

“I might hold you to that,” I said, only half-teasing. “But I think we both have enough going on right now without worrying about resurrecting me from the dead and all the paperwork it entails. Especially not if more innocent people could get hurt.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, I’m still me, right?” I made a soft, dismissive noise as the idea fully settled with me. “But there is something I’d like to do, if that’s okay.”

“Name it,” he replied without a second thought.

“I don’t give a fuck about Gary, but I want to bury my mom,” I confessed. “It doesn’t have to be anything formal or fancy, but she… She had a hard life. I’d like to give her whatever peace she might be able to find in death.”

Ryan studied me for a moment before leaning in and brushing his lips against my forehead. “You’re something pretty fucking spectacular, Maddie.”

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