Page 88 of Distance

I manage to turn my head enough to take him in. The look of a defeated man utterly breaks my heart. His jet black hair is disheveled on top and there’s a few day’s old stubble over his face. His dark blood shot eyes are even darker as the circles shadow beneath. He looks broken. I’ve broken the strongest man on the planet.

His rough hands stroke my cheek as I sink into the feeling. Even now, his touch shoots electricity through me, almost bringing me to life.

Realization hits me like a tonne of bricks.

He murdered Jamie with his bare hands.

He’s a hitman for the Mafia.

Luca is the fucking mafia.

I told him to kill Jamie.

This broken man before me, with tear-stained cheeks, killed a man to protect me.

Not one part of me feels any fear. I know deep in my soul, this man would do anything but hurt me. He is my protector.

“If you want me to leave, I’ll go. I know you are probably petrified of me. I’ve hidden so much from you. You have every right to be pissed at me. But know this, Sienna, I would do it all again in a heartbeat for you. This is me, you’ve seen it all. There is no mask anymore.” His voice catches as he speaks, and a single tear trails down his face.

This man carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and has never had anyone to share the burden, never had anyone to accept him for who he truly is. No matter who he is or what he’s done, he is my Keller. My Champ. I’ll love him not despite his flaws, but for them. Without him, there would be no life. He saved me, now I have to save him from himself.

“Keller, I need you to listen to me and listen to me properly. You are not a bad person. Yes you may do horrendous things, but deep down that’s not the true you. I told you I wanted it all, not just half of you. I will always love you, no matter what,” I say as a sob catches in my throat.

His face remains still, emotionless as he takes in my words. Each second he doesn’t respond feels like a lifetime.

“Fuck Sienna,” he winces as he runs his hands through his hair, covering my hand with both of his and bringing his head down to them, hiding his face from me.

I feel like he’s pushing me away. Why hasn’t he told me he loves me back?

“Keller, please talk to me.” Desperation is clear in my voice.

I can’t lose him. I can’t live without him. Why isn’t he saying anything?

“You’re scaring me, Keller. Please just say something. I need you,”

His tear-filled eyes lock on to mine, pure agony seeping through. Leaning forward, he places a soft kiss on my lips, the kind of kiss you give when you’re saying goodbye to someone, not telling them you love them back.

“You are my Queen, Sienna. I worship the ground you walk on every fucking day. I’m not worthy enough to be your King. You nearly died because of me and I almost didn’t make it to you in time. I can’t live my life knowing I put yours in danger. As long as you are alive and safe, I’ll be okay. I knew I couldn’t keep you, but I tried anyway. I’m so fucking sorry, Sienna. You have brought me out of the darkness. I promise I will work day and night to maybe one day be the man worthy of your love. But just know I love you. I love you more than life itself. I love you enough to know I have to let you go. I will literally be ripping my own heart out and stamping on it. I’ll take that, knowing you can live your life free and happy.”

“No, no, no, Keller, don’t do this. Don’t do this to us. Please. I’m begging you!” Tears stream down my face like a river. A knife feels like it’s being shoved into my chest.

A deep sob escapes him as he continues. “I am so fucking sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me. You will always be the only one to ever own my heart. Don’t ever forget that. Never stop being my perfect little firecracker.”

He stands, tears freely rolling down his cheek as he bends over and places a single, gentle kiss on my forehead.

I can barely breathe. All the air is gone, My heart feels ripped out with it. I feel empty. Alone.

“Am I not enough for you? Why can’t you just love me and be the one man to stay in my life? Stop pretending like you aren’t worthy of my love. You are. How am I supposed to go on with my life without you? You own my heart as much as I own yours. You’re throwing in the towel on the one fight that could give you the world.” Wiping the tears away with the back of my hand, I sniffle.

Bile rises in my throat as he can barely look at me, the man who can single-handedly strangle someone until they take their last breath. Doesn’t have the balls to look me in the face and dump me.

“You can at least look me in my fucking eyes and tell me you don’t want me. Be a man and tell me like you mean it. Tell me we are over.” My voice gets louder and louder as I speak.

“Don’t you dare ever say you aren’t enough.” He snaps. “I’m the one that isn’t good enough for you. A darkness like mine will never leave me, no matter what I do. You deserve light. You deserve everything. That’s why we have to be over, Sienna.”

I let out a defeated sigh.

“Just leave Keller, join the rest of the men in my life that walk straight out the door. I’m done being the girl that wasn’t quite good enough.” I pull my gaze from him. The more I look at the hurt etched across his face, the more my chest aches.

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