Page 18 of Scoreless Nights

“Lily is a no-fly zone. You give me shit about anyone else, but Lily and I have a very strained relationship. The last thing I need is more reasons to try kicking her out of my place.”

“So here’s what I don’t understand,” Rhys leaned in, just as we were being called back to the field to start the match. “Why are you letting her stay with you if you don’t want her there?”

“It’s complicated,” I sighed, standing up and starting my walk down the tunnel, toward the field. Rhys stayed beside me, listening, as if to tell me he wanted me to try explaining no matter how difficult it may be. “I don’t want to disappoint my dad. She’s always tried not to upset her mom. Together, they can make us do just about anything they want.”

“I doubt not wanting your estranged step sister at your house would disappoint your dad,” Rhys snorted.

“Lillian has always been an overprotected princess. If her mom gets upset, my dad will get upset, and they seem to think she is safer staying with ‘family.’”

As we took the field, Rhys patted me on the back and shrugged, “Take it out on the field. She’ll be gone soon.”

We separated and jogged to our positions, getting ready for the first kick. I slid my keeper gloves on and started jumping in the goalie box, keeping loose while the referee set the ball. Then we were off, and I was in game mode, completely unattuned to anything that didn’t involve the ball.

For most of the game, defense kept the ball away from our goal, and my night was almost quiet. But toward the end of the match, Charlotte FC got closer and closer to scoring. Their midfield got loose with the ball and drove toward me in the goal. He was wide open, and it was going to be me against him as soon as he decided to strike.

He tried to fake to my left, but when he kicked it toward my right side, I saw the shift and dove, blocking the ball from entering the goal. It would have been a good play if I had caught it, but it deflected, and went right back into the path of the Charlotte midfielder. He took another shot on goal before I could get back up, and tapped the ball into the other side of the net.

“Fuck,” I sighed, knocking the grass off my shorts and getting ready for the reset.

Tripp took the kick off and sent it to Rhys, who passed it back to me. I pointed at our right wing, Luca, but kicked the ball toward Rhys instead. Charlotte wasn’t fooled, but it was enough to get Tripp down the field and ready for Rhys to pass again.

When Tripp kicked toward the goal, their keeper stopped the score and punted the ball back to midfield. They drove hard, headed my way, and our defenders were overmatched. It was up to me, I had to stop them from scoring, because as much as tying sucked, losing was worse.

The same guy who scored earlier was nearing my goalie box and he faked right before moving left. He had no one to pass it to, so we were one on one, and his fakes weren’t going to fool me.

He finally kicked, and the ball sailed toward the top left corner of the goal. I timed myself then launched my body as far as I could, grabbing the ball and curling it into my stomach to keep it from being rebounded. The whistle blew to signal the end of the game as my team grabbed me from the ground, and praised me for my stop. But I wasn’t happy because we didn’t win.

Even on the flight home, I stewed in my own self-hatred at letting Charlotte score on me the way they did. I didn’t even tell my teammates goodbye, just walked to my car and drove home in silence, letting myself replay over and over again what I could have done differently, and how to prevent it from happening again.

It was late by the time I finally got home, and until I saw the pair of pink flip flops by the front door, it slipped my mind that I had a house guest. The fact that I had nearly forgotten Lily was there was indicative of how far into my own head I had gotten.

My heart sped up as my eyes roamed the empty apartment. It was nearly midnight and she had her interview the next day, so I figured she was asleep. Setting my bag by the door, I gingerly walked into the kitchen and pulled the refrigerator open. It was a habit, but I knew there was nothing to eat. If I didn’t eat out, at the stadium, or at my mom’s, I just didn’t eat. But I had been too upset to eat after the game, and now that I was home, my stomach was growling.

Surprisingly, there was a bowl in the refrigerator with a note taped to the plastic that covered its contents.

I saved you some dinner in case you’re hungry. Microwave two minutes for perfection.

Peeking into the bowl, my mouth watered at the sight of the leek and potato soup. It was something her mother cooked often, and I never turned it down. Soup was comforting, and when I was in Brooksville to visit, it made me feel like I was actually part of their family.

Wonder if it was a coincidence?That she made it, or she knew I needed the comfort? Most likely a coincidence but I was going to take it and let it warm my soul that had gone cold on the field earlier that day. It was fucking delicious, exactly the way I remembered it being, and I fist pumped the air a little that Lily had learned the recipe.

There was already a lighter bounce in my step as I made my way to bed, but I stopped when I remembered everything I had delivered earlier, and decided to check it out first.

Right outside the door, I saw that a few lounge chairs, two rocking chairs, and a table had been set up perfectly to the left. Then I glanced to the right and saw the oversized chaise lounge and couch, with a coffee table and tabletop fire pit.

She told me I needed something out there, something to enjoy the space more, and spend more time soaking in the view. It looked good, and she was right, it was amazing having the space full of comfort. There was also a lot of satisfaction knowing I had arranged to get it there so quickly for her to enjoy.

Just when I was going to back up into the door and go to bed, my eyes glanced again at the chaise. There was a blanket pulled up to her chin so I barely noticed her at first, but Lily was sleeping soundly with a book laid in her hand.

It was Florida, “the sunshine state,” which meant random rain showers could pop up at any given moment, even if the radar was clear. The balcony was huge, she probably wouldn’t get wet, but she may have gotten scared if lightning started popping over the water.

As high as we were, the wind was blowing, and despite the warm air, a chill came over me. I reached down to shake Lily awake, knowing I couldn’t leave her out there, but she rolled over and ignored my attempt.

Instead of trying to wake her again, I slid my arms under her body and cradled her. Her head fell against my chest and her hand pulled at the fabric of my shirt instinctually. She was a feather in my arms, but my breathing still intensified.

I had an irrational urge to take her to my bed, and I even tried telling myself it was because she said it was comfortable. But I knew that wasn’t the real reason. Just like always, I liked having her near me, even though I knew I shouldn’t. She made me feel like a miscreant.

Shameful.

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