Page 58 of The Jester and His Outlaw: Part 2

My chest heaves in oxygen, and emotional agony tightens my chest like a vice.

The faint words finally register.Riggs, you’re scaring me.

My eyes fly open to meet darkness like I’ve not seen in a while. The surrounding room isn’t familiar, but the scents are. Jensen’s house and Charley.Outlaw.

My eyes fall to see what I’m holding. Charley stares up at me, eyes incredibly wide, unnaturally so. She has her mouth set in a tight line and even in the faint moonlight, I can see how red she is.

Sheis what I’m gripping.

Her throat, to be exact.

“Fuck!” I holler and scramble off of her immediately, only to tip over the side of the bed and thud onto the floor. I back away, shoving myself into the corner of the room. I don’t know what the fuck happened and I can’t decipher if she needs me or needs space.

Perhaps she needs me dead. That might be the only answer to this fucked up situation.

She clutches her throat and I stare at my quivering hand, befuddled, rubbing my forehead with the other. The sound of my thudding heart rings in my ears and my breathing is so choppy there is no way my mind is going to clear if I don’t slow it down.

The first instinct that claws at my body is to run, to get away from her, to save her, but then the memory of when I sent her away the first time flashes through my mind, the sound of her broken voice through the phone in the bathroom.

I can’t leave her, especially not after I’ve done this.

What do I do? What do I do?I’m so lost. So confused. I’ve put my hands on her again. I was strangling her. In my sleep, but still. My hands were on her.

“Fuck!” I scream, letting it out, fighting my instincts and trying to get my brain to straighten out.I can do this. I’ve got this.

Charley. My priority is Charley. But my mind wants none of it.

I silently curse my decisions for believing this could work, that this was a good idea. For promising myself that if I ever tried to leave her again, it would be the last time.

As hard as this is, I’m not ready to be done with her. I can’t leave her. These last few weeks, while stressful and difficult, have been the best times of my life. I have Charley to thank for that. I know it hasn’t been easy on her, dealing with me on top of Jonas.

“Outlaw. Talk to me, please. Tell me what I can do.” She clears her throat, which I can imagine is in an immense amount of pain. My heart curdles inside my chest at the thought. The idea of fleeing strikes again, but I shake it away. I’m not leaving this girl.

It’s okay. Relax and help her. She is the only thing that matters.

My legs twitch, but I refuse to let them move just yet. Not until she gives me the okay.

“Tell me you’re okay.”

“Outlaw,” I warn, but try to hide my irritation. I should have known she’d worry about me, or be afraid I’m going to walk out. We both know that scenario isn’t far off. “Do not even think about how I’m doing. That should be the least of your worries.” I pause, trying to put myself in her shoes. It only takes a second, but I get it now. “But if you must know, I’m notgoinganywhere.” My eyes shoot to hers and even in the dim moonlight, I can see the relief in her sad gaze. “Now tell me what I can do to help you.”

The sheets rustle and she appears at the edge of the bed, cloaked in shadow, but not enough that I can’t see how pale her face is now.

“Hold me,” she croaks, reaching out for me. I let my eyes fall shut briefly, collecting my resolve and taking a breath to attempt to control the trembling of my limbs.

“Okay. Only if you’re sure.” A shudder stumbles through me when she looks me dead in the eyes and nods her head. All the answer I need. This girl. I swear, I don’t know how the fuck I deserve her, and I don’t think I ever will.

I crawl back in the bed, tentative, but move quickly when she sniffles. I lean her back against my chest and inhale the crisp scent of her shampoo. Her body is rigid, her muscles tight, but she relaxes, melding into me. I’m so much better for it.

We say nothing else, but let our touch do the talking. That’s something that happens often with us. Most of the time we don’t even know it’s happening and other times, we make it happen because things just become too dark. If we say them out loud, we’ll likely never survive them.

Like now.

“What the fuck happened, Riggsy?”I’m sitting on the bathroom floor, downstairs, by myself. Charley finally fell back asleep in my arms. Crazy girl, sleeping when the person who just attempted to strangle her lay next to her.

I couldn’t get myself back to sleep, so I decided I’d come down here. Jensen has a sixth sense or something because he’s joining me on the cold tile.

“Just taking a minute to myself,” I mutter, undecided if I want him here seeing me. I’ve done so well lately, I’m trying to convince myself that this isn’t the end of the world. I don’t have to run from this and we will get through it. With her by my side, we will get through it.

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