Page 44 of The Jester and His Outlaw: Part One

I whip around, glaring at him, the motion almost making me seasick. I walked right into this one. This shit was happening, locked and loaded from the first time I ever mentioned her damn name to him. Jensen’s perceptive, though, and he often knows more about me than I do.

“Chill out, bud. I’m stating the facts. This is the same shit you struggled through when Lennon pursued you. You probably don’t remember because you had a real rough year, but you were talking about the same things. Blaming your mom. Now, I don’t know about you, but to me that means someone is in your life who is bringing those feelings out and you’re worried you won’t be able to reciprocate.”

His pause is too long, like he’s expecting me to say something. I want to say something, tell him he’s right. But I can’t. My instinct is to shut down, shy away.

I don’t even know how to feel.

This shit is sticky. Deciphering feelings is bullshit. I’ve had what little future I expected for myself planned out. Quick and easy and now… now I’m hopeful? What is that nonsense?

“Don’t hate me bro, I’m calling as I see fit.”

“No, I know,” I say, and I don’t miss how his eyes widen in surprise. In another world, I would berate him for even bringing the shit up, for pouring this bullshit on my shoulders. I would deny everything and tell him to go fuck himself. But for right now, a dollop of hope is sparking in the back of my mind. Scary as shit, but there for me to probe. “Feelings for her don’t exist, though.”

His voice is tentative when he says, “I think you have more than your mind will let you conceive right now, and there’s nothing wrong with them. The world won’t end because you like a girl, Riggsy.”

After I deliver a swift jab to his ribs, I stand while he laughs. “What? I’m just saying, it’s okay to want someone, even if it's unconventional.”

“What are you, some relationship expert, now you’re boning the fox?”

“Fuck you.” His cheeks are turning red.

“Are you blushing? What the hell, bro? You’ve got it bad. No wonder you think I have something for Charley. You’re in this love fog. Everything is unicorn farts and rainbows to you,” I joke, but when he turns to me, reserved happiness glittering in his eyes, it’s clear he isn’t playing.

“Am I wrong to want my best friend to experience what I am?”

Deciding I’ve had enough of dealing with the graveyard today, I stretch and pop my bones. Jensen follows.

“What exactly are you speaking of?” I ask as I head toward his car.

“I…”

“Go on, you can tell me. I’m not judging you,” I encourage him and mean it.

He scratches the back of his neck, then swipes over the back of his head like he’s dusting himself off. A tactic to divert his nervous energy. “I… shit… I might love her.”

The declaration stops me instantly,awestruck. Never in a million years did I expect those words would come out of his mouth. I mean, his soft spot for Foxy has always been obvious, but none of us pictured their connection going anywhere because it’s what their parents want. “J, man. What?”

“Right? I mean, it’s been rolling around in my brain for a while, and I think I’ve loved her since we were little. We just didn’t go there. I haven’t even slept with her and I can’t get the girl off my mind.”

The little morsel that they haven’t slept together gets tucked away. Now is not the time to pick on him about it. Really, there isn’t anything to pick on him about. Foxy is a serious subject for him, and I’m not surprised he hasn’t slept with her. What is shocking, however, is he is entertaining the idea of a relationship with her. It’s what his father wants, and when Mr. Tucker wants something, Jensen steers his ship the other way.

“Does Kai know about you?”

“He doesn’t, and I haven’t got the nerve up to tell them quite yet. I will, but I just keep thinking I could lose her if he’s not okay with it. I won’t make her choose. He’s straight and that’s all there is to it. However, I’m not ready. It’s not fair to either of them, especially him, but I can’t get myself to do it. Even worse, I’ve walked in on them fooling around, and I have to admit, it’s hot as shit. I’m not even jealous of them together and their feelings for one another are as deep as hers and mine. How could I ask her not to be with him?” I search his face for disappointment or something to tell me he’s not into it, but all I see are genuine emotions. He really is okay with this three-way they’ve got going on.

“If it makes you happy, I’m good. But I must ask, how will this work with your parents? Society standards for sure deem that as taboo.” His laughter is sad, dark.

“That’s a whole other load of shit to unpack.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m not sure, but my happiness with Foxy,herhappiness, is not something I’m willing to play with. My father will get on board or…” he trails off, and a shiver inches its way down my spine. There is a promise lingering that borders on terrifying.

Jensen has always had a backbone, but he’s let his father get away with shit because it’s easier. Mr. Tucker is a powerful man.

Therefore, he waited so long to start things with Foxy. He was aware the baggage would be a big undertaking with just the two of them. Throw in Kai and their menage situation and…holy shit.

“Look, I fully support you and if I can ever do anything to help, let me know.Anything.” I reach for the passenger door when the weight of his sincere gaze stops me in my tracks. He’s looking at me over the top of the car, his hand on the handle of his door.

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