Page 66 of The C*ck Down the Block

I turned my back on Rachel and took Chris’s hand. There was a swath of concern in his eyes, but I smiled, and he brought my hand up and kissed the inside of my wrist.

Lacey touched me on the shoulder. “Wait, Trixie. Just for a moment. Please. I decided to come to this... thing anyway because I wanted to apologize to you for the way we treated you in high school.”

Holy crap. Okay. That was not something I expected.

“Lacey, you—”

She glanced over at her husband, and he gave her a soft nod. “I know you don’t have to accept my apology and I’m not even sure I would if I were you, but I’d like to tell you anyway. I hated how mean we were to you. But I also hated myself so much back then, and I thought being one of the cool girls would make me, well, that doesn’t matter. I’m just sorry. I wish we could have been friends instead, because you seemed to have a lot more fun in high school than I ever did.”

I swallowed and didn’t quite know what to say. Lacey must have taken that as all I had to give at the moment, and she turned back to Rachel and Amanda.

“Amanda, get a life.” Lacey shook her head like she was completely and frustratingly confused by Rachel’s second-in-command. “Stop letting Rachel dictate who you are.”

Amanda looked as though someone slapped her, but in that way when you’re going crazy and someone smacks you to get you to wake up and pay attention.

Rachel scoffed again and looked over at Anthony like Lacey telling Amanda off was supposed to be funny.

“And Rachel, get some therapy. I mean it.” Lacey was not pulling any punches. You go, girl. “You forget, I know your parents, and so I know your trauma, and talking to someone would help. But even if you don’t, stop making other people’s lives miserable because you can’t stand your own. It doesn’t make you feel better. Trust me, I know.”

Rachel took a step back and she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. For a split second I saw the vulnerability slip through her mean girl facade. But then that mask slipped right back into place, and she opened her mouth, I’m sure to spit some more vitriol. Like the wounded animal I now recognized that she was.

So instead of letting her go on the attack again, I turned to Lacey and pulled her into a big, long hug. “I appreciate your apology, and I do accept it. I forgive you if that’s what you need to hear. High school is rough no matter who you are. It’s half of why I wanted to become a teen librarian, so I could help make those years just a little easier on a few kids.”

Lacey was the one who was slow to answer this time, but I think it was because she was trying to hold back some tears. “Thank you, Trixie. I... I really appreciate your forgiveness. I’m not sure I deserve it, but I’ll work on that in therapy.”

I gave her another squeeze. “Maybe later we can get coffee or something, and you can tell me what you’ve been up to. It looks like part of that was creating a beautiful family.”

Lacey nodded and stepped away.

I was up, and while I knew now that I didn’t have to, I decided to get a few things off my chest anyway.

With a deep breath, I turned back to Rachel, who had her arms crossed and was tapping her foot. She was literally waiting for the attention to get back to her. She opened her mouth, and I could already hear the defensive tirade. I held up a hand and stepped into the boldness I had inside of me but hadn’t ever really let out.

“Rachel, I’ve let your opinion of me matter for a long time. I don’t know why I did that, but I think it has something to do with never wanting to be seen. You just reinforced the little voices in my head that said if I did take up space in the world, I would be judged in a way that hurts. But guess what? That happens to everyone.”

“Umm, no.” Did she have any other facial expressions besides rolling her eyes? I wasn’t sure at this point. “Nobody looks at you and me the same.”

“Doesn’t matter whether they actually do or not. Look at us, all of us. We spent the last two and half days dressing up, probably acting like our lives are better than they are, because we want our high school classmates to think we’re cool. Hell, I even asked my best friend if he would be my fake date just to show you I wasn’t just a sad, nerdy chicken lady.”

Everyone around us gasped. Yeah, I just admitted that out loud. Chris took a step forward and put his hand at the small of my back, showing everyone there he was with me. But he didn’t say anything. He was letting me have my say, and I loved that he had that confidence in me.

“But if I hadn’t, I would never have found out that I loved him.” I leaned my head against his chest.

“Or that I loved her. I have for a long time. Since high school, in fact.” He kissed the top of my head, and then the two of us turned our backs on Rachel and walked away. I was done with high school.

But as we left, I heard Rachel say something that I didn’t like. “Anthony. Do it.”

FOOTBALL IS SCANDALOUS

CHRIS

God, I fucking loved training camp. It was like coming home from a long vacation and getting to sleep in your own bed again. Sure you were going to have to get back to work, but this was that perfect time in between when real life, or the actual season, began, and the laziness of summer ended.

And coach loved to make us fucking puke on the first day if he could.

Yeah, even me.

My cleats dug into the grass of the training center, and I surveyed the scene. Fresh faces, rookies who looked like they’d just gotten their learner’s permits, mingled with veterans boasting beards and the weathered look of experience. And they’d all be looking to me for another killer year. I could feel it in my bones that we were standing at the cusp of a season that felt like it had destiny scribbled all over it.

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