Page 66 of Sean

“I’m…” A silence had fallen in the kitchen, all the other sounds of chitchat dying away. Apparently, Sophie’s question hadn’t been quiet enough. Julia’s back was to everyone else, but somehow she knew that all the attention was on her. “I’m okay.” She straightened her spine and kept stirring the sauce.

“What happened?” Tara asked. She would be the one to demand answers. “You two were all over each other for days.”

Julia sighed. So much for thinking they were being discreet. “It wasn’t going to work out,” she said, hoping the others would be satisfied with the vague answer.

“Who decided that?” Tara wanted to know. “Was my brother an idiot? You can tell us. It’s okay. We won’t be mad. Not at you, anyway.”

There was no point in lying, and stating the facts might get everyone off her back. “Sean decided we were done, and that’s that.” Please let it go, she silently pleaded. “It’s fine. I’ll be leaving soon, and it would have ended anyway.”

“That’s the spirit,” her mother said. “You’ll move on in life like always. What did I always tell you girls? Nothing lasts—not jobs, places to live, or relationships. You enjoy them while you have them and then move on. The adventure in life is seeing what comes next.”

That truly was her mother’s philosophy, and it had been Julia’s for several years. She knew now, though, that her world was changing. She had Lucy and Amos to care for, and they needed stability. She’d find a good place for them to be and settle down there. The fact that Sean was choosing not to be part of that new life that she wanted to build wasn’t her problem. It was her loss, though, and his. Maybe when she wasn’t exhausted from the stress and heartbroken over Sean, that future with the kids would look more promising. It would have to, she told herself, because the kids were depending on her.

“You’re probably right, Mom,” Julia said. “I’ll see what the next chapter in my life brings.”

“So you’re going to give up on Sean just like that?” Helen asked. “Did you argue with him or did you just let him dictate what was going to happen between you?”

Julia hated being the center of attention. She was terribly uncomfortable having this discussion in front of her mother and Sean’s. It took everything in her to respond to Helen. “I did argue. I called him a coward.”

“Good for you,” Tara said. “That’ll show him.”

“But what does it matter?” Julia responded. “One person can’t make a couple work. I’ve seen people try and it’s a disaster. Mom’s right. I’ll move on with my life.”

“Before all of this, I was ready to give up on Ethan,” Helen said. “I felt like he considered being a SEAL more important than our relationship, and I was fed up with him deciding what our future would look like without consulting me. I’d filed for divorce and had him served with the papers. That brought him home quick enough and thank goodness for that. Thank goodness he didn’t give up on us. He chose to fight for our marriage.”

“You’d been married for ten years, and you never doubted that he loved you,” Julia argued. Their situations really weren’t the same. She had no way of knowing what was in Sean’s heart. He hadn’t shared that with her and probably never would. Maybe he loved her—but if so, he certainly didn’t love her enough to let that change his mind. He’d pushed her away, and she couldn’t force him to take it back. Even if she wanted to.

“I hurt my finger.” Alice burst into the kitchen, followed by Emmy. The girl held her finger up so they could see a small cut on it.

“Let’s wash that out.” Tara took her daughter to the sink and scrubbed her hands. No one spoke as Emmy’s attention darted around the room. She was perceptive enough to know that she’d walked into the middle of a serious conversation.

“What is it?” Emmy finally asked. “Did something happen? You all look like you just got bad news.”

“Our brother is making poor choices,” Tara answered as she dried Alice’s hands and applied a bandage. “I should say typical choices. He’s retreating from what he had with Julia because he can’t handle feelings.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Emmy’s gaze met Julia’s.

“Me, too,” Kelly said, “but I want an answer to the question you’re avoiding. Do you want a relationship with Sean? And do you want it enough to fight for it?”

“I—”

“Think it through,” Kelly continued. “Joe and I let Sean get away with isolating himself after JP’s death. We tried during that first year to reach out to him, but he completely shut us out. Then, we made the mistake of just accepting that. It’s my biggest regret as a mother. I buried one son and let the other one bury himself. If I’d done more, if I’d refused to let him push us away, maybe we could have healed that hole in our family years ago. And maybe Sean would know better by now than to think that hiding from pain solves anything. I let that opportunity go by, and I paid for it in all the days since—until you brought him back to us. And I truly think you’re the only one who can get through to him now. For my sake, selfishly, I hope you will—because I’ve never seen my boy as happy as he is with you.”

Julia didn’t know what to say to that, so she turned back to the stove and fiddled with the temperature controls as she replayed the late-night conversation with Sean. Her first instinct had been hurt so deep it had her retreating into herself. Then, she’d challenged him, calling out his choices and actions. That had come from her hurt, but also from her belief that he was wrong about them, that they had something special that he was refusing to acknowledge.

Why else would the storybook about the happy family at the beach have brought her to tears? She loved Sean and wanted to be with him. And she knew, just knew, that he loved her.

“What’s going on, Mommy?” Alice asked. She was the most perceptive of Tara’s girls and must have picked up on the tension in the room.

Fortunately, the girl couldn’t feel the tension in Julia’s heart. What did she want? She’d survive without Sean. Figure out her new normal and raise the kids the best she could. She’d have happiness in a way, but she could have so much more if she and Sean were together.

What if she did fight for him? What if she won? If she succeeded in making him see that they could be together, the future could be magical. If she failed, though, it would take a long time to recover from defeat.

Was she willing to take that chance? To build something with Sean—maybe here? She glanced out the window. The sun had just set, and twilight was setting in, accentuating the beauty of the ranch. Yes, yes, she was willing to fight for the life she could have here.

“Nothing, sweetie. You can go back outside and play until dinner’s ready. It won’t be long.” Tara guided the girl toward the door. Alice left, followed by Emmy, leaving the kitchen in silence.

Julia’s realization was too new to share with a roomful of women, even ones she felt so close to. She was trying to decide what to say when a kid’s scream echoed through the still evening air. Julia was already running for the door when another a frightened shriek followed.

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