Page 23 of Sean

“Seems so,” Sean said. He looked at Julia. She was keeping her gaze on the kids as she sat perfectly still in her seat. This had to be so painful to review for her.

“Those poor children,” his mother added. “Your father told me it was far worse than it appeared, but he didn’t elaborate.”

Sean wasn’t surprised that his father had confided in his wife. Despite the years that Joe had spent away from the ranch as he served in the Navy, their bond had stayed tight.

“And this Wilson is trying to get his children back. Is that it?” Tara asked.

“He’s left a number of messages for Julia, threatening her and demanding the kids back. He attempted to take Amos from my house the day before we came here. I deemed the ranch a safer location. That’s why we came. Do you understand the danger now—why it’s not safe to let the kids wander off unsupervised?” He looked at his sisters.

Emmy had tears in her eyes and had reached over to take Julia’s hand. He wasn’t surprised by that. She’d always been empathetic. Tara was a different matter. She suddenly stood and stalked off into the kitchen, anger coming off of her in waves.

“You better go,” Kelly said quietly to him with a nod toward the kitchen.

He got up, confident that Julia was okay for the moment.

“How dare you?” Tara said when he went through the swinging door into the kitchen. “How dare you put my kids in danger?”

“I was out of options,” he said, but she wasn’t listening to him.

“Of course, I’m glad Julia and the kids are away from that man. He sounds like a monster.” She shuddered. “What kind of man kills his wife?”

“The worst kind,” he agreed.

“Julia deserves to have somewhere safe, and so do those kids. But that doesn’t excuse what you did. You should have told us everything the second you came home. The second, Sean. You put everyone here in jeopardy by keeping the threat to yourself,” she said. “I would have kept a sharper eye on my kids if I’d known. I’d have been able to warn them—to let them know to be on their guard around strangers. They have the run of the ranch, and that’s always been fine, but it isn’t now.”

She had a point—but she needed to realize that he’d had good reasons for his actions. “Legally, Julia kidnapped Lucy and Amos. Telling all of you that she was on the run after taking the children from their father makes you all accessories to kidnapping. I wanted to protect you and mom and Emmy from that.”

“You don’t get to make those decisions for us. For me. I make my own choices. I’ve had to because you left.” She came toward him and poked him hard in the chest. “You withdrew from the family. I had to help Mom and Dad manage their grief. I had to be here for Emmy. I had to take on the ranch business.”

“You love the ranch,” he said. Tara had always intended on taking over from their mother.

“I do, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have used some help around here. You left me no choices, so I had to handle everything myself. I’ve been the one here, the one they turned to when the sorrow was too much and no one could think straight. I held this family together, and I had to do it alone.” She poked him again.

He considered staying silent and letting her rage. God knew he deserved it. He had done exactly what she said. He’d been so busy wallowing in his own grief, anger, and guilt that he’d been unable to help others. He’d put her in a terrible position, and he owed her an apology for that. “I know. I’m sorry.” Her mouth had been open like she was ready to blast him with her words again. After he spoke, she drew herself up and stared at him in silent surprise. Tara was rarely knocked speechless, but this was one of those moments. “I dumped it all on you to manage.” And she had managed because that’s who she was. He wasn’t—he’d fallen completely to pieces. It was part of the reason why he’d stayed away. If he’d come home, he would have been just one more person to take care of. But still, it hadn’t been fair to her.

“You did, and it was hard, so hard, Sean. Mom and dad were a mess. They still are sometimes. We’ll be going along and everything will seem okay, you know. And then, something small happens. A song JP used to like comes on the radio or one of my girls asks about him. We had to put down Silver six months ago—JP’s favorite horse, remember? Losing that animal was like losing JP all over again. It’s been awful. And Emmy…she hasn’t recovered yet. She’s been hiding from life. I keep hoping she’ll leave here and find her way, but she doesn’t. I don’t know what to say to her.”

In a lot of ways, Emmy had been the same as always—sweet and friendly—but there were shadows lurking behind her smiles. She wasn’t quite the kid sister he remembered. None of them were the same.

“I could have dealt with it all,” Tara continued, “if I’d had your support. When you left…” She shook her head, tears shimmering in her eyes. All he could do was ask for forgiveness. He reached for Tara and pulled her into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated when the hug ended. “I was only thinking of myself.” At the time, it had seemed unendurable to even imagine being around anyone else when all he wanted to do was curl up alone and hide from his grief. But that hadn’t been fair to his family. Especially to Tara. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m going to try to do better.” It might not have sounded like much, but that was a huge leap forward for him, maybe more than Tara even realized. Because she didn’t know everything, she didn’t really know why he’d kept to himself for the past four years. It was time to tell her. “It wasn’t only the grief that kept me away.” Shit. This was going to be hard. He took a breath. “The fact is that I’m responsible for JP’s death.”

“What are you talking about?” Tara demanded. “You weren’t even in the same country when it happened.”

“JP was on the fence about becoming a SEAL. I think he felt a lot of pressure from me and Dad.”

Tara thought about that and then nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess that’s understandable.”

“He came to me and said he was thinking of not joining up. I asked him about his career and life goals. I gave him advice, told him how it had been the right choice for me. All that stuff. By the end of the conversation, he was convinced that being a SEAL was his future.”

“What, you think he would have decided differently if you hadn’t said anything?”

“Maybe.”

Tara just shook her head. “Sean, JP had looked up to you and Dad since he was a little kid. Sure, he had some doubts. Who doesn’t? But at the end of the day, I can’t imagine him deciding on anything else.”

He wanted to believe that, but…

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