Page 24 of Sean

“After the accident, I just kept thinking that if I’d only discouraged JP, he’d still be alive. He could have done something else in the Navy. He could have gone to college. Hell, he’d have been happy here on the ranch.”

Tara gripped his shoulders and gave him a shake. “His death wasn’t your fault because of one conversation you had with him. He made his own decisions. He was stubborn that way, like the other males in this family. No advice from you could have changed his plans,” Tara said. “Have you really believed that his death was on you all these years? Is that why you didn’t come around?”

Sean thought back to that late-night conversation. They’d taken a six-pack of beer and gone down to the stream near the swimming hole where they’d spent so much time as kids. Their conversation had lasted until dawn when they’d returned to the house and walked into the kitchen where his mother had been making breakfast.

Most of the night’s talk hadn’t been focused on being a SEAL, Sean realized. That had been the beginning of it, but then they’d talked of so many other things. Why had he dwelled so much on that one part? Why had he let it drive him away from the people who loved both him and JP? Stupid.

“You need to have a sit down with Dad. I think he’s dealing with guilt, too. Misplaced guilt.”

“Dad is? Why?”

“He’s got it in his head that he didn’t prepare JP well enough. Dad was a trainer for all those years. He saw so many men safely through the process, and he couldn’t get his own son through it. That’s what eats at him.”

“Dad wasn’t in charge of JPs training.” The Navy had strict rules against that sort of thing.

“I know that and you know that, but Dad’s sure that he did something wrong. He probably thinks if he’d been there that he could have saved JP.”

“That’s not true.” Sean had used his contacts to find out exactly what had gone wrong. Nothing could have prevented JP’s death. It had been an accident caused by equipment failure.

“And then,” Tara said, “you went away. He thinks you blame him.”

“I don’t.” Not once had Sean thought that.

“You weren’t here to say that. Not until now. You need to. It’s not too late.”

“I don’t know. Dad and I…”

“Men.” Tara rolled her eyes. “Neither of you is willing to talk about your feelings, but you’re just going to have to man up. Please. One of you has to make the effort if we’re going to piece this family back together.”

Could he open that wound again and talk to his dad about JP? He should. He recognized that. He just wasn’t sure that he could. “I’ll think about it.”

Tara shook her head and poked him in the chest again, but this time she was smiling.

THIRTEEN

Tara went out the door, headed toward the stables, leaving Sean alone. He considered what she’d said. It was a lot to take in. But now that he was here, surrounded by his family, it was easier to see how selfish he’d been to avoid them all this time. He’d made JP’s loss all about him rather than thinking through how it was impacting everyone else. Regret filled him, but regret was a useless emotion. He couldn’t change what had happened, but he could put some serious thought into what he wanted to happen now.

He took a step toward the swinging door that led to where his parents, Emmy, and Julia were. Tara had asked him to have a heart-to-heart with his dad. That was a tall order, and Sean couldn’t even imagine how to start. What would he say?

He didn’t have a clue, so he turned and looked to where Tara had gone. Becoming part of his family again wasn’t going to be easy. In fact, it was going to be difficult and uncomfortable—two things he’d avidly avoided for years. So much time had gone by, so many wounds festered. Just a week earlier, he’d lived separately from them and had planned to continue to do that. He’d even thought it was for the best. Then, a beautiful woman showed up at his door with two cute kids and everything changed.

He opened the door into the living room enough to see Julia talking quietly with Emmy and his mother. His dad was in the den with the kids.

So they were all okay for the moment, which left him the chance to go after Tara. There must be something he could do to pitch in. Something other than talking to his dad. He’d get there eventually—but he wasn’t ready quite yet. Baby steps. He’d start with something else first. He went out the kitchen door and followed Tara to the barn. She was giving directions to one of the ranch hands about a load of hay that had just come in.

“Need some help unloading that?” he volunteered.

“They’ve got it,” Tara said, assessing him.

He waited until the hand walked away. “How can I help? Give me a job.” In the days he’d been there, he’d done several menial tasks, but he was asking for something more now.

“Come with me.” She led him from the largest barn into one of the smaller ones. Only a few horses were stabled there. She stopped in front of a stall. “Remember Maverick?”

“Sure.” Sean peered over the stall door at the chestnut stallion. He had a star blaze on his forehead and three white socks. “Hey, boy.” The animal bared his teeth at Sean as he backed into the far corner of the stall. “What happened to him?”

“His favorite person hasn’t been around.” She gave him a pointed look.

“Me?”

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