Page 54 of Unrealistic Expectations

Before tonight, it had seemed as though Jessica had taken the breakup in stride. He felt as though he’d given her a soft place to fall. Until tonight, he hadn’t worried that he was just a rebound for a long time. After all, their relationship had been so easy, almost from the start. That meant that he was fixed, and one breakup fifteen years ago didn’t mean that he didn’t know how to love. He knew that now.

But Jessica seemed to be wrecked by her confrontation with Luke. He’d seen the pained look on her face when she saw Luke’s very pregnant girlfriend and known that she wasn’t as over the breakup as he’d thought she was. Did that mean she didn’t love him after all?

She hadn’t said the words. He knew that she cared about him, but that didn’t mean that she saw him as a permanent fixture in her life. If she was still this upset about Luke’s betrayal, maybe that meant that she didn’t have the kind of strong feelings for him that he had for her?

He couldn’t let that happen.

But, as they drove down the 10 toward his house, the lights of the city flashing in front of them as they stared out of opposite windows, he wasn’t sure how to stop it. If Jessica wanted a baby, he would give her one.

That thought shocked him. He’d never thought about having children very much. None of his previous relationships was going to lead there. Even with Caitlyn, it was so far off that they’d never even really talked about it. But he could picture it with Jessica. They wouldn’t be like any of their parents. Jessica was so conscientious that he’d have to make sure she didn’t slip into anxiety and paranoia, and he liked the thought of allowing a kid to decide their own path in life. He liked the idea of a small person with Jessica’s empathy and his smile walking through the world.

Now that he thought about it, he would do anything to have it. But first he needed to know if he was more than a rebound fling, and this was just a rough night.

When they got to his driveway, Jessica popped out of the car and made it to the stoop before he did. She had her arms wrapped around her waist and didn’t meet his gaze. He opened the door and she followed him in. He threw his keys in the bowl by the door and kicked his shoes off.

He walked around behind her and took her coat, hanging it on the hook that she’d designated as hers by the door. A few hours ago, she’d been utterly at home here. Now, it felt like everything was different. What he wouldn’t give to turn back the clock by about three hours and stay here fucking her instead. It was stupid that he had wanted to show her off to people who had never mattered in his life.

She let him take her hand, and he pulled her into the living room. She sat on the couch and he poured them both a scotch from a really good bottle he’d gotten from James Fahereghty when he’d finished his house.

He took the glasses over to the couch, and Jessica took down her whole glass in one gulp. Didn’t even cough, though he knew for a fact it was peaty as hell. Then, she held out the glass and said, “Another.”

Ever the dutiful boyfriend—he was still the boyfriend for now—he got up and filled her glass again. She didn’t take down this one right away.

“Do you want to talk about it? Or we could not talk about it?” Her face was impassive, which worried him. She was never this quiet or muted for long. “I think we should talk about it.”

“Why did you hate Luke all along?” That was the last question in the world he thought she’d ask. It didn’t matter why he hated Luke. Luke had always been a shitty guy. But they needed to be talking about their relationship, and not her ex.

“He’s not the guy he presents himself as, and that’s always bothered me.” There, that was diplomatic enough. That worked, didn’t it?

“What do you mean by that?” She gave him a quizzical look, sort of like how he imagined she looked in session as a therapist, but drunker. “Like, did he do anything specific that made you realize that he was a fraud? I know he’s a fraud now. I can’t believe he was cheating on me. How did I never suspect?”

She was spiraling, and he had to get this under control. “You’ve been broken up for months. I thought you were over it.”

Jessica’s eyes got really big and round, and he realized that he’d made a huge mistake in making this about him and their relationship. He was really falling down on the boyfriend job, and he didn’t know what to do.

“Why are you making this about you right now?” Jessica stood up and put her hands on her hips. “This is about my life and my feelings.”

She might as well have had steam coming out of her ears.

“I thought I was part of your life now.” Galvin was quiet, feigning a calm he did not feel. “I need to understand why you’re so upset about this.”

“Me being upset about this has nothing to do with you.” Jessica started pacing and wrapped her arms around herself. She looked up to the ceiling and mouthed something he couldn’t make out. He felt as though he was losing control of the situation, but all he could do was sit there and wring his hands through the urge to kiss her and remind her that what she had with Luke was in the past and he was her present.

At this moment, he had no idea if he was going to be her future.

“Maybe you were just surprised, okay?”

“I shouldn’t have been.” Jessica shook her head, still pacing a hole into his antique carpet. “I asked him the day he moved out, but I assumed he was being honest with me.”

Jessica looked wrecked. “Do you think he was cheating on me the whole time?”

And this time, he really didn’t have an answer for her. If he had to guess, then Luke had probably cheated on her for most of their relationship. But he didn’t have any proof and telling her that would only hurt her feelings. She didn’t deserve to have her feelings hurt any more tonight. He wanted to reach for her and take away the thoughts spinning in her brain, but he knew she wouldn’t go for that.

“I don’t know.”

She was silent for a long moment, taking sips of her drink. He didn’t want to speak and intrude on her thoughts. Well, he did, but he didn’t dare. He was afraid of saying the wrong thing, and he wasn’t sure that he could get through to her in the moment.

Jessica laughed ruefully and turned away from him. Anger stuck a knife in his gut. Sure, seeing Luke had to be upsetting for her, but she was with Galvin now. The only reason that she would be this upset about seeing Luke and figuring out that he’d been cheating on her was if she still had feelings for him.

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