Page 56 of Leave Me Broken

“What was it? Fred, or me with other women? Those are the only two things I can imagine would leave you screaming and crying.”

A sharp breath rushes by my lips. “You a-and—”

“Who?” he demands.

I don’t like how disappointed he looks, but I hate even more that I let my insecurities get in the way, again. And the only reason I answer him is because he doesn’t look like he’s in the mood for me to ignore him, and the last thing I want to do is disappoint him more. I dip my head, look to the dark green grass and sigh. “All of them. Alyssa, Chanel—” I attempt to swallow the bitterness but it doesn’t leave. “Maggie.”

Ash mutters something I can’t hear.

“What?” I whimper.

“I said goddamn your past! I would call out one person in particular but there’s not a single fucker to blame. It’s all of them, isn’t it? Every bloody person in your life has either caused an issue or not done anything to fix them.” I’ve never heard him shout before. “First, your bio dad for leaving in the first place. No—not even leaving, but leaving and not giving you the fucking time of day to keep in touch.

“Then you have the biggest wanker of them all, Fred. That cock-sucking pervert, who is probably the main reason we are together, fucked your little head up so much you get off on calling me daddy and being held against your will.” Ouch. Ouch. “Your brother couldn’t even stick it out. Your friends looked past your cutting because there’s zero possibilities they couldn’t tell when I could within fucking days of knowing you!” He bends forward and rips at his hair.

“Your nana died and your mom checked out. Not that she was ever there for you in the first place.” He scoffs, or laughs. A bit of both. “Your granddad does his very best, but no one has helped you, not really. No. One.”

I don’t look up as I continue to sob. My cries are loud and my stomach churns. Is this part of his punishment? Because I don’t understand why he is calling me out like this. I know everything he said. I know it all and yet he threw it in my face like I didn’t.

“It’s your fault too, Payson,” he adds. “You let everything get in your head. You come up with these crazy ideas and you run with them. You had a full-on panic attack because, somehow, you convinced yourself I was fucking someone else.” He throws his arms out to the side and spins in a circle. “We’re fucking alone! You knew we were and still you let your mind take you there.”

“You told me you would fuck someone in front of me,” I say, defensively.

“I said the old Ash!” His voice is the loudest yet. “Since the day we met I’ve done nothing but prove my love to you and it’s still not enough.”

I push onto my knees, ignoring the shooting pain, and drag my hand under my snotty nose. “If you don’t recall, you’ve also given me reasons not to trust you, Coach.”

Ash glowers at me. Three steps later he is in front of me, his hand around my throat lifting me from the ground so we are eye level. I gasp for air but he doesn’t move. “Those reasons are past mistakes that came out in the wrong way.”

My head tingles with the lack of oxygen and I slap at his hands, “Strippers.”

Ash tosses me backward. I land on the hood with a loud pop as the metal bows under me and pops back out. He grabs my ankles despite my kicking and drags me toward his body until he’s settled between my naked thighs. He slams a hand onto the hood next to my head. “We weren’t fucking together and nothing. Happened.”

“Letting a naked girl grind on your lap isn’t something? So if I strip naked and grind on some other—”

He grips my cheeks and squishes my face together and drops his forehead to mine, our hot heavy breathing mixing. “If you finish that sentence, I’ll kill you.” He closes his eyes. “Don’t make me kill you, Payson.”

If anyone should kill anyone it should be me killing him.

He flutters his eyes back open, still frowning. “What can I do to make you trust me?”

I never stopped crying but the burning is back as warm tears pour down the side of my face mixing with the cold from the rain dripping off Ash’s hair. I brush it back with a shaky hand. “I don’t know.”

19

Ash

If she doesn’t know, then I will have to figure it out, but right now, I’m going to fuck her because I’m so fucking mad, and if I’m not balls deep inside her in the next ten fucking seconds, I will strangle her.

She pushes against me, doing her best to get away. I grab her wrists, slamming them to the hood with one hand while I work my trousers with the other. The second my dick is free, I spit on her cunt and shove inside in one thrust. We gasp at the intrusion and I take a minute to make sure she’s not about to circumcise me, then I thrust, hard.

“I’m not sorry for what I said. It’s true.”

I let go of her wrists and not to my surprise, she slaps me across my cheek. I bare my teeth and slam into her, praying I rip her pussy as punishment for her being so bloody insecure.

I love Payson. Everything about her—even her flaws—but it didn’t even take five minutes for her to panic. I had just unzipped when I noticed something wasn’t right, and I knew there could be only two options. So instead of assuring her, I wanted to see how far I could push it before she either snapped or pulled herself back to reality. Payson knew there was no one but us here and she still let my stupid words and her thoughts run wild.

What I said wasn’t the smartest, but it’s true. I forced an old fling—one that stuck around longer than a weekend—to watch me fuck someone else because I caught her slipping some drunk her number at a club.

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