Page 57 of Leave Me Broken

I would never do that to Payson. If I caught her doing the same . . . my hands clamp onto her hips to the point she whines. I don’t know what I would do but my dick will never touch another pussy. She never has to worry about that, and yet she does. She can blame the strippers, or finding out about Alyssa but it’s more. It’s the fact she’s never experienced unconditional love. Of course there were her grandparents, and even Janelle’s family, but it’s not the same. She should have learned about this from her parents but she didn’t, and look where we are.

A naked seventeen-year-old being fucked by a man twice her age on the hood of a car in the rain.

All that shit brought her to me and I’ll never regret that, but I’ll forever regret not coming into her life sooner. Not to fuck her even younger, but to guide her. Had I met Payson younger, maybe I could have helped her heal sooner. Maybe she would heal to the point she wouldn’t want an older man.

My head flashes with images of me and Payson but not like we are now, angry fucking like animals, a normal coach-player relationship. One where she would come to practice and do her best. She would lead the team to states, nationals, and so on. The most we would ever do is hug. That’s what a good coach would do.

I’ve accepted I’m not a good coach to Payson. Overall, yes. But not specifically to her. The first day of practice I saw her bright eyes and instant love, and I took advantage of that. If I could go back, I’d like to say I would keep my distance but I’m not the guy in my head. I’m the coach who is fucking his player and loving the way she is pretending to hate it.

“I h-hate you,” she cries. She even looks pretty when she’s crying.

“Yeah?” I ask pistoning my hips even harder until she’s crying out for me to stop. She knows the word to use if she wants me to. “Because I love you.”

Her green eyes fly open and she locks with mine. “No you don’t.”

God, this girl will be the death of me. I wrap a hand around her throat and squeeze just enough to see anger change to panic. “If I didn’t love you, I would have fucked you the first day and never looked back.”

We’re soaked and she’s shivering. This might be the least sexy sex I’ve ever had but I don’t think I’ve ever been harder. Maybe it’s the adrenaline from arguing with her, or the fact I never actually got to come.

“I wish you would have.”

I squeeze her throat harder, loving how her lips go from purple to blue from the cold and lack of oxygen. “Sometimes I do too,” I growl.

She bursts into tears again—slapping at my arm, chest, and face and screaming at me to get off. But I don’t.

I spill deep inside her and collapse on her body. I let go of her throat. Payson shivers in my arms cocooning her as I kiss her shoulder tenderly. “I love you, Payson Murphy. Even with your fucked-up little head. And one day, we are going to heal together.” I drop a kiss to her chattering lips. “It just won’t be today.”

She’s still sobbing but her arms engulf my neck and squeeze. “Me t-too.” Another beat passes and everything has calmed down, so I pull back enough to see her face. Makeup that was cried off and washed away by the rain streaks down the entirety of her face. Her lips are raw from the ball gag, eyes swollen and nose running from crying, and her hair is soaked, sticking to the side of her face and neck and still she’s never looked more beautiful. “Can we go home n-now?”

Home. I like the way that sounds.

20

Payson

“I s-swear to God h-himself if you don’t hurry with-h the s-s-shower I w-will punch y-you in the f-face.”

“It’s for your own good, ba—”

“Do n-n-not call m-me babygirl r-right now.”

“I forget your age a lot of the time, but moments like this remind me how annoying teenagers are.” He runs a hand down his face while simultaneously shaking his head.

“Not annoying enough t-to not f-fuck,” I mutter. I didn’t mean for him to hear but he did. He turns from where he is feeling the water for the shower and pulls me against his cold body. I almost cry but I’m all cried out. We didn’t talk about what happened once we got in the car and it’s fine by me. It was . . . weird. And hot, and eye-opening. Really a lot of things but right now all I can focus on is how long his water is taking to get warm. It’s been like five minutes.

“No, not annoying enough to not fuck you.” He spanks my freezing cold ass and I yelp.

Ash didn’t want to stay in the shower as long as I did, so when I get out, I find him leaning against his headboard with the bedside lamp creating a warm glow over the equally warm room. I’m so happy the room is warm. The shower felt amazing but not shivering when I stepped out was even better.

“Come to bed, babygirl.” He sets down the book he was reading and pulls open the covers on his side. I tiptoe over and nearly jump into his arms.

I bury my face in the crook of his neck and he tightens his arms around me so all I can smell is him. “I wish it could be like this every night.”

His beard tickles against the side of my face. “Me too, babygirl. One day.”

I lie across his chest as he picks the book up and reads some more. I can’t see the cover and I can’t get my eyes to focus enough to read the words. I’d rather stay buried in his chest. “What are you reading?”

Ash finishes the paragraph he was reading before lowering his book and kissing my head. “It’s about mental health.”

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