Page 18 of When Cardinals Appear

When it became clear we were running out of time, I broached the issue with Nate one day during rehearsal. To say he was uncomfortable with the topic was an understatement. I suggested that for Romeo’s death, he could just kiss my cheek, and that for Juliet, I could turn from the audience and kiss near his mouth but not on it. Nobody would be able to tell the difference.

It sounded so simple in my head, but I hadn’t allowed myself to consider the emotion involved, specifically my emotions. Because during those rehearsals, I’d gotten to know him more than I had during all our intervening years at school. And the more I knew, the more I liked until I was mortified to realize I had a full-fledged crush on my scene partner.

During our final rehearsal, I’d worked up the courage to give him a real kiss. We were alone in the auditorium, and I hesitated a beat after I said my line. His eyes fluttered open as he frowned at me, but he must have seen something in my face because he swallowed. And then… he nodded as if he knew exactly what I’d planned. What I’d intended to be a quick peck on the lips morphed into something much more meaningful as he lifted his hand and slid his fingers into my hair.

Things changed quickly after that. Our rehearsals had caused us both to become interested in acting, so we tried out for the spring play. He got the lead while I won a supporting role. That allowed us to spend most days together after school, and soon, we were inseparable.

Everything wasn’t all hearts and flowers, though. Being in high school came with its own sources of drama. Nate had a jealous side, which sometimes clashed with my outgoing personality. But I was committed to Nate. We worked through our differences, convinced we could survive anything.

Even when my mother began to interfere, we held on to that belief. Mom’s negative comments started innocently enough. A jibe here about Nate’s future prospects, implying Nate couldn’t afford to attend college. A snide remark there about being stuck in a small town. Then her comments became more blatant, especially after I made the mistake of telling her I might delay going away to college. I’d been accepted at my dream school in Seattle, but I didn’t want to leave Nate. She not only reminded me of the promise I’d made to her, but she also began to criticize my relationship more openly.

Unfortunately, her attempts to break us up backfired. At first, I vacillated between ignoring her comments and defending Nate, but those tactics just led to further arguments. Finally, I got so fed up with her, I moved in with my dad for my last semester of high school, a choice I later regretted.

When I left for college, I thought everything was good between Nate and me. But the calls and texts became more sporadic as the months dragged on. I started suspecting he’d found someone else, and when we broke up over winter break, I demanded he tell me who it was. He swore there was no one else, that we’d just drifted apart. I could never quite bring myself to believe him.

As far as first loves went, I considered myself incredibly lucky, despite the way things ended. Nate had always been a man of few words, but what he did say was thoughtful. Though it took me a long time to break him out of his shell, the end result was worth it for the short time we were together.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Steven said as he pulled in front of the house.

I blinked as I was jolted back to the present. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“I’m guessing being back has brought up a lot of old memories for you.”

“You could say that again,” I murmured as I climbed out of the car then unlocked the front door.

I went up to my room, needing a moment alone with my thoughts. The house was starting to feel emptier, and I didn’t want to admit how painful that was. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be ready to say goodbye to it, even if I didn’t intend to return to Cedar Haven.

A knock sounded at my door, and I called out that it was open. Steven came in and sat down on my bed. He frowned as he looked around the room. It was the one place in the house that hadn’t been touched, though I knew I would need to start packing soon.

“Have you scheduled the movers yet?”

I shook my head. “I called a few yesterday, but I was hoping to call a few more next week.”

Steven’s lips pressed together. “The appraiser I work with is available next week. I’d like to get everything moved once he’s evaluated what we plan to sell so we can put the house on the market.”

I gave an absent nod. That was good news, even if it didn’t feel like it. Each step brought us closer to selling the house and finalizing the estate, which meant I could return to my real life.

“I invited Rose over for dinner tonight,” Steven continued when I didn’t respond. “I thought you might enjoy the company.”

That caught my attention, and I gave him a warm smile. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen her.”

“She’s missed you,” Steven said. “I’ve got some stuff to take care of, but we’ll be back in a little bit. Anything you need while I’m gone?”

I shook my head. Steven gave me a quick hug and left. Moments later, a car door slammed. I breathed a deep sigh of relief at being alone at last.

Climbing off my bed, I decided to wander into Mom’s room. I pulled the cardigan off the vanity chair and slid my arms into it, relishing the faded scent of lavender and peonies. After so many busy days, I hadn’t managed to get over my jet lag. I lay down on Mom’s bed and curled into a ball, promising myself I would close my eyes for only a few minutes.

The front door crashed open, startling me awake. I stared around the darkened room, disoriented. When did I fall asleep? The faint scent of lavender touched my nose.

“Mom?” I whispered. Of course, there was no response. I rubbed my eyes, wishing I could remember my dream.

“Lanie!” Rose sang out from downstairs. “Where are you?”

“I’ll be right down,” I croaked, and I cleared my throat, which was thick with sleep. I turned on a light and stared at myself in the mirror, smoothing my dirty-blond hair before I went to greet my brother and future sister-in-law.

“It’s been too long,” Rose declared as she threw her arms around me.

I bit my lip, guilt sinking in my stomach like a brick. I’d meant to call Rose. But then, I’d meant to call everyone back home. I could blame it on my thesis, but as that wasn’t the whole story, I kept silent.

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