Page 17 of When Cardinals Appear

Fortunately, the conversation turned to other things, and I perused the menu in peace. I was conscious of Nate sneaking glances at me when he thought I wouldn’t see, but I tried to ignore him. Even if I wanted to know what those glances might mean, and I definitely did not, I had too much on my plate as it was without overanalyzing them.

“Thinking of trying something different?” Nate asked in a low voice.

I started at the sound then shook my head. “I’d love to say yes, but I think I’m too much of a creature of habit.”

“Me too,” Nate agreed, sliding his menu to the middle of the table. “Tell me more about your new job. You said you start in May?”

I stared at him, wondering why he was so interested in talking to me all of a sudden. The other day, he could barely even look at me.

“I’m supposed to be there for orientation in May. They have year-round school, and I’ll start teaching in June for the summer semester.” I side-eyed Steven. He’d said he was on my side, but I still didn’t want to rub his nose in the reminder that I was leaving soon.

“Does Steven not know?”

“No, he knows, but he and my father hoped I would reconsider and move home.”

“But you don’t want to?”

“I have a job lined up,” I replied, evading the question. “I’d be unemployed for who knows how long if I stayed here.”

Nate stared at his hands for a while, and I hoped that meant he would return to ignoring me. I rummaged in my purse for coins, hoping to steal away to select a new song on the jukebox.

“I understand you have a job waiting for you,” he said, drawing me back into conversation. “But I did want to let you know the middle school is hiring a teacher for their special education department. Mrs. Carlisle is planning to retire at the end of this year, and they’d like to bring someone in beforehand to make it a smooth transition for the kids.”

I bit my lip. “I appreciate you letting me know.”

“But you’re not interested?”

I shut my eyes as I debated my next words. How many more times was I going to have this conversation? And why did Nate, of all people, care? Shouldn’t he be thrilled at the thought of never seeing me again?

“It’s not that. It’s just—“ I pressed my hands against the table as if bracing myself, though for what, I wasn’t sure. “This place doesn’t feel like home to me anymore. Not without my mom. There are too many memories.”

“They’re not all bad memories, right?”

Was he serious? After how he treated me yesterday, I was convinced he didn’t have any good memories of me whatsoever. I glanced at him. His question sounded genuine, even if I couldn’t understand why.

“No, not all of them.” I exhaled sharply. “Being back here, I find it hard sometimes to remember she’s gone. At school, it was different. I was so far behind, most of my time was spent catching up. And she only visited the one time, so there wasn’t much out there to trigger any memories. But being here, in her house, sometimes I wake up and rush down to the living room to check on her, only to remember she’s gone.” I bowed my head. “I don’t know that I would ever fully let go of that feeling if I stayed.”

To my surprise, he reached over and gently took my hand in his. I froze, unable to pull away. The warmth coursing through our hands was all too familiar. Did he feel it too? Before I could say anything, the server arrived to take our order, and I took advantage of the distraction to snatch my hand back.

What was that all about? I breathed in and out, willing my heart rate to slow. He was just trying to comfort me. It didn’t mean anything. Besides, it couldn’t mean anything because I was with James.

But when the server left and Nate raised his eyes to look at me, with that sweet smile that never failed to melt my heart, I started reevaluating everything I thought I knew about Nate Sanders.

Chapter Four

“Thanks for lunch,” Sam said as Steven paid the bill.

“Anytime.” Steven turned to me. “Ready to go?”

I nodded and jumped up, desperate to put some distance between Nate and me. I couldn’t get over my reaction to him holding my hand. Flushed cheeks and a pounding heart? What was wrong with me?

Deep down, I dreaded the answer, and I shook my head, trying to clear it. Of course, I would always have a soft spot for him. He was my first love, but that was it. I was with James, and we were preparing to start our new lives in California as soon as the estate business was finished. Still, I wondered whether there was something more to the way Nate had looked at me during lunch. Maybe things weren’t as settled between us as they should be.

“See you all later.” Steven waved to Sam, Jeff, and Nate then gestured for me to lead the way.

My thoughts spun around in my head as I headed to Steven’s car. The last thing I needed was to waltz down memory lane. But on the drive home, I couldn’t stop thinking about Nate and how everything that had once seemed so right had gone so horribly wrong.

It was funny how I’d gone to school with him for years and saw him every day but never took any notice of him. Then one day, Nate and I were paired to perform a scene from Romeo and Juliet. At first, it was awkward. Despite having several classes together, I didn’t really know him. We’d been assigned the death scene, though our teacher had shortened it so that we were alone on stage. During rehearsal, we’d practiced both our lines and the actual dying part, but neither of us were comfortable practicing the farewell kisses Romeo and Juliet impart to each other before they die.

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