Page 49 of When Cardinals Appear

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “What are you doing here?”

James raised an eyebrow. “I came to surprise you.”

Well, he’d certainly done that. I glanced at Nate, but his eyes were alighting with the anger that had just disappeared a moment ago. My only hope was to prove how surprised I was by James’s sudden appearance, though the fact that I hadn’t been up front about James’s existence wasn’t going to help things. But I would deal with that later.

“It’s good to see you,” I said, keeping my voice light but detached. “But I wish you had told me you were coming so I could’ve prepared.”

James smirked. “That wouldn’t have been much of a surprise, now would it?” He glanced from me to Nate. “After our last phone call, I was worried. Applying to a job here when you have the perfect position waiting for you in California?” He shook his head. “It just wasn’t like you. I had a meeting with our DC office anyway and thought it might be nice to conduct it in person. So I booked a flight and figured I’d swing by to visit with you for the weekend.”

The tightness in my shoulders eased ever so slightly. While he was in town, at least he wasn’t staying long. After he met with the DC office on Monday, he would be back on a plane to California either Monday night or Tuesday morning.

As I processed all that, Nate shifted uncomfortably beside me. I opened my mouth to ask James to give us a minute, hoping I could salvage the conversation we were about to have. But before I could do so, Nate straightened his spine and turned to me.

“It sounds like you two have a lot to talk about,” he said, his tone clipped. “I was just leaving anyway.” He was stiff and formal as he inclined his head to James. “It was nice to meet you.”

“You as well,” James said as he came to my side and threw an arm over my shoulders. “Have a pleasant evening.”

Nate looked at me then, and I silently pleaded with him to give me a chance to explain. But either he didn’t understand the message I was trying to convey, or he didn’t care because he spun on his heel and stalked away. A lump lodged in my throat. Can this night get any worse?

“Well, this wasn’t quite the welcome I’d hoped for,” James said, turning me away from Nate and heading toward his rental car. “Here I thought I’d arrive at the dance and you’d come running into my arms. Instead, I interrupt what sounded like a passionate lovers’ quarrel.”

Heat flooded my cheeks, and I pushed away from him. “You should have told me you were coming.”

His expression darkened. “Why? Because I ruined your moment with him?”

When I didn’t respond, he continued.

“That’s your ex, isn’t it? I thought the name sounded familiar. Is that why you applied for that position here?”

I stared at the ground, refusing to respond and confirm everything he’d said. Though I knew I had no right to be angry with him, a flush spread across my body, and my skin tingled. Maybe I wasn’t angry. Maybe I was ashamed. No, that wasn’t true either. I was angry, but the only person I was angry with was myself.

James ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Look, we clearly need to talk, and I’d rather not do it in a parking lot while we both freeze. Can we go back to your house?”

With a nod, I opened the passenger door and climbed in. He went to the driver’s side and joined me. We drove in silence, the darkness seeming to close in around us. I dreaded the conversation we were about to have.

I sent a text to my brother and Rose, letting them know I had gone home, but I neglected to mention James’s arrival. It would only cause more questions I didn’t want to answer. I was already facing two difficult conversations. No reason to add another one until it was absolutely necessary.

When we arrived at the house, I got out of the car and marched to the front door, not even bothering to help with James’s luggage. Part of me hoped that he would leave it and drive back to DC, but I doubted he’d bothered to get a hotel. My family lived within commuting distance of the city, and I assumed James had planned to stay in Cedar Haven. Whether that would change remained to be seen.

Sure enough, he came in a moment later with his carry-on and a garment bag. He left both by the door and stared at the now-empty house. All that was left were the few things I would take with me. A recliner from my mother’s bedroom sat in one corner. The worn-out red couch was gone.

I gestured to the chair, and I sank down onto the stairs. “You can sit there if you like.”

He looked from the chair to me before he came over and sat beside me. There wasn’t a lot of space on the steps. For a moment, neither of us said anything. I had no idea how to have that conversation or what I wanted to say. As if I wasn’t confused enough, my mother’s voice echoed in my head. James is going places. He can take you with him and give you a life you’ve never dreamed of. Don’t let him go. Whatever you do, hold on to that one.

But was it fair to James, to me, to hold on to him? And did I need him to help me leave? I had gotten the California job on my own merit. I could easily find my own place in LA and still live those old dreams my mother and I had discussed, even without being in a relationship. Besides, what did it say about me if I stayed in a relationship just so I had a guaranteed ticket out of town?

“Do you still love him?” James asked, breaking the silence.

The question caught me off guard, though I couldn’t imagine why. One thing I’d always appreciated about James was his directness. I never had to wonder what he thought or where we stood. He was honest and forthcoming, sometimes to a fault.

“I…” Answering that question was harder than I expected. Admitting my feelings to Rose was one thing, but to say them to my boyfriend, the man I was on the precipice of moving in with, was quite another. I swallowed. “I do.”

The sentence held a certain irony that I hadn’t intended. We weren’t engaged, though up until recently, I’d expected we were heading that way. It was what my mom had hoped for, and I thought she was a little put out that James hadn’t proposed before she died. But James knew I wasn’t ready for marriage back then.

His face contorted as he processed my words. The dark anger in his eyes gave way to pain and sadness, and the hard line of his mouth morphed into a pout. Maybe I should have softened the blow—hemmed and hawed a bit or told him I wasn’t sure—but with James, I tried to meet his directness with my own. While I didn’t always succeed, I knew he wouldn’t want me to spare his feelings. He wouldn’t appreciate being placated.

“I see,” he said, his voice hoarse. “And I assume that he’s the reason you decided to apply for a position here?”

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