Page 92 of The Loathing

“We need some chillies,” I place the bottles in the trolley and move forward back to the salad aisle.

Once we’ve paid and are done loading the car up, Titus opens the car door and I slip inside, “thank you,” I mutter before he closes the door.

Titus taps the address back into the Sat Nav and soft country music plays quietly in the background and I never realised how much I liked it.

“So, country music hm?” my voice is light as I tap my fingers to the strums of the guitar.

“Yeah, there is something about it, I don’t know… I just sort of connect with it, does that make sense?” he asks, his own long finger tapping on the steering wheel to the subtle beat.

“Yeah, it does,” I nod, “that’s how I feel with painting,” I sigh.

“I’m sorry you had to leave it all behind,” and I can hear the sincerity in his voice, but I wave him off.

“It’s fine, I’ll get back to it one day,” I shrug.

“You will,” he smiles, “maybe you can come and visit me and my ranch when all this is over, I’ll get you a painting room set up.”

“You live on a ranch?” my eyes widen, and excitement fills my tummy.

“No,” he shakes his head, and a low chuckle leaves him, “that’s the dream, I am hoping that once my daughter chooses her specialty, I can look at doing it then. But we’re a few years away from that,” and I don’t miss the small sigh that leaves him.

“One day,” I reach across and place my hand on his that rests gently against his thigh.

“One day,” he turns to face me, a sparkle in his eye that I have never noticed before. I remove my hand and let it rest on my lap, turning to face the window, a small gasp leaving me when I feel Titus’ hand clasp mine tightly.

I try and hide the smile but it’s useless.

I am smiling like a damn Cheshire cat.

* * *

The evening was drawing in, the sun ready to disappear and the moon threatening to light up the sky with her fullness. There was something truly beautiful about the clear night sky, the stars twinkling alongside the light of the moon.

The small space of our living room was filled with more of Titus’ country favourites and the one that was crooning through the speakers was called Tennessee Orange and my heart hummed along. I resonated with it so much given the situation I was in right now with Titus.

We snacked on cheese and bread with different relishes and pickles and now we’re finishing it off with margaritas.

Titus hands me another one, the rim dusted in salt, a quarter chilli bobbing in the pale-yellow liquid, and I can’t stop my tongue from darting out and licking my lips.

“Thank you,” I beam, my cheeks constantly coloured in a red blush from the alcohol that is swimming through my veins.

“You’re most welcome, you look very pretty sitting there,” he takes a sip of his own margarita, his lips parted before he licks excess alcohol from them, and I don’t miss the way his eyes rake up and down my body.

“You look very pretty too,” I compliment him back and I watch as his smile widens showing me just how perfect his teeth are, he really is beautiful.

We fall silent as the music plays softly and I never want this moment to be over. It may not seem like much for an ordinary girl, but for me—who has always been kept on such a tight leash—this was everything and more.

“What are your dreams?” Titus interrupts the silence, his deep voice coating my whole body in goosebumps. “I told you mine, but I didn’t ask you yours.”

My eyes fall to my glass, a smile pulling at my lips.

“To be loved unconditionally, to have someone love me with everything they have. A bit like how my father loves my mother, just not how it was in the beginning,” a gentle laugh escapes me and I feel my heart begin to race in my chest. “I want a pretty farmhouse, far in the countryside where my kids can roam to their hearts content, where they can get dirty and be children.” I sigh, “And of course, I would like to build the courage up to maybe sell my paintings at some point, but I am not good enough yet,” I shake my head, my eyes still down, “but I feel that my dream is too far for me to reach now, that life I wanted and dreamt of will merely stay a dream. The Knight Brothers will get to me, and I will be forced to stay there, and my father has no doubt already agreed my hand in marriage to one of them. There is no other reason for them to want me. They might want to kill me, but honestly, I think they would have already got to me by now if that was the case.” Sadness consumes me, and I feel my bottom lip tremble. I sink my teeth into it and bite down hard to try and stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. “I have to come to terms with a new dream,” my voice quivers as I slowly lift my head up and my gaze lands on Titus, his eyes are dark and hooded and my heart skips a thumping beat making me cough.

“I will do everything in my power to get you as close to your dream as possible,”

I break my eye contact, suddenly looking at him is becoming too intimate. My head shakes from side to side as I tap my finger on the base of the cocktail glass.

“It’s not your job anymore,” my voice cracking and it’s clear the alcohol I’ve consumed is beginning to affect me. I don’t give him a chance to answer before I speak again. “Do you know what scares me the most…” I whisper, my throat feeling tight.

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