Page 73 of The Loathing

“Amora,” I hear Titus’ voice but it feels as if it is a thousand miles away, just a distant echo. Even if I wanted to stop myself, I couldn’t.

My eyes are wide and bloodshot. Hot, heavy breaths fill me making my nostrils flare. I am raging.

“You’re giving me to them!?” I scream, breaking through the door to my father’s office like a wrecking ball, Titus hot on my tail.

“Amora,” my father’s eyes dart from mine to Xander’s.

“Did you know?” my voice comes out high pitched, lashing towards Xander. My eyes widening. “You were meant to help me.” My voice is a plea, my heart shattering into a million pieces as Xander’s eyes fall to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” Xander rubs his lips together and gives me a glimpse of his remorse before his eyes are back on my father. Ezekiel is standing in the corner and I can see how pained he is, the fact that he obviously was kept out of the loop.

I should have asked Ezekiel for help. I should have never gone to Xander. What the hell was I thinking. I shake my head in disbelief as pain crushes through me, my chest suddenly feeling hollow and my breaths are sharp as I try to fill my burning lungs.

“Xavi,” My mother’s eyes widen as she pushes into the room and she hears the words that slip past my lips and I feel the air get knocked out of me when realisation finally sinks in, the red mist slowly clearing. My chest rises and falls with every fast and heavy breath. I feel Titus’ hand wrap round my waist, splaying against my stomach as he pulls me back towards him and he makes me feel a sense of calm like waves softly crashing and lapping at the sandy shoreline.

“This wasn’t the plan,” my mother snaps and the panic is evident in her voice, my father stands from his desk, but she lurches herself forward and slaps my father hard round the cheek.

“Red,” he grits, his hand rubbing out the sting that he is clearly feeling.

“No, don’t Red me,” she storms back towards me, “this wasn’t what we agreed,” her eyes dart back and forth from his and the longer she waits, the more her eyes fill with unshed tears.

“I’m doing what’s right…”

“You’re doing what my father done to me, something you promised you would never, ever do to our children… and look what you’re doing,” her face screws up and I don’t miss the snarl in her tone, her tone is vicious.

“The deal is done, Royal.” And my father can’t even look at me or my mother, his eyes are on his desk.

“You’re a fucking coward Xavier,” she just about manages before she turns, sobbing and walking out the office and slamming the door so hard the frame shakes.

“I’m done.” I shake my head at his complete betrayal. “I loathe you Xavier,” I manage, I can’t even call him dad. I am sick to my stomach. My voice thick as I ignore the burning lump in my throat, silent tears threatening to fall down my cheeks. “Never in my wildest nightmares did I think you, you, my father would do something like this. You’re just like grandad. Giving me away because of your mistake.” My whole body begins to tremble, my chin wobbling as I sink my teeth into my bottom lip to try and stop the tears from falling. “You’re dead to me,” I choke out before uncontrollable sobs leave me, I turn and walk out of the office and I don’t stop, I keep moving forward until I am outside in the rain, letting it belt down on my skin and I don’t care. Déjà vu crashes through me at the thought that a few weeks ago I was running away, just like this. The hurt, the rain… I just didn’t have the betrayal to this deep level. The heart splitting, stomach griping and wound tight hurt. Nausea swims through me making everything spin.

“Amora,” I hear Titus’ voice and I stop dead in my tracks as the rain continues to pour. My tears blend with the raindrops that are rolling down my cheeks and I don’t palm them away.

“No,” I mumble through sobs, “no…” I continue forward, my feet moving quicker underneath me before I am running, my feet pounding the ground.

I’m not running long when I feel Titus’ fingers wrap around the top of my arm, stalling me but before I can say anything he pulls me round so I am facing him. My glassy eyes land on his, they volley back and forth between mine and I swear I feel the air shift. Both of his hands cup my face, his thumbs brushing against my cheeks as the water drips down his nose and falls between us.

“Titus…” I mumble, a low rumble of thunder rocks through the clouds, lightning cracking through the sky.

“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.” He dips his head, looking up through his lashes.

I try and muster the words, I try to string a sentence together but before I even get a chance too, Titus is lifting my face up to look at him, letting his hands drop from my cheeks but his index finger and thumb grip onto my chin. The thunder roars again, the whole sky lighting up and I see just how blue his eyes are against early evening skies that are drawing in.

“Twilight…” his voice is low and it causes an ember to burn deep inside of me, his head tilts slightly and this is the moment I have been waiting for.

The perfect kiss.

Except this isn’t the perfect time.

This wasn’t how I imagined it.

But yet, it felt like everything. A perfectly imperfect moment.

My eyes flutter shut, my lips parting and within seconds Titus’ lips are on mine, slanting over them and caressing them softly. There is no tongue, just soft, meaningful kisses and I feel myself melt, Titus’ arm wrapping round my waist as he holds me up. My shaky hands glide up his wet shirt, clinging onto him and a soft moan slips into his mouth just as his tongue glides over mine and I feel my heart race so fast it feels like it’s about to combust in my chest. Everything else around me blurs out, the once prominent thunder is now just a light rumble and the flashes of lightning that turn the dull sky almost purple seems like it’s fading into nothing and all I can focus on is this moment.

All the hurt, the resentment, the loathing, and the betrayal all simmer deep inside of me because it’s just me and him.

And I never want to forget this moment.

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