“So what do you like?” Maddison asks, browsing the dresses beside me.
“I don’t know. Maybe elegant? Lace?” I move one dress at a time and look over it with care before moving on to the next one. “It would help me if you could each pick a dress for me to try on.”
Mom joins us a few minutes later, and chooses one too. Now I have a dressing room full of wedding gowns to try on.
I suck in a breath. Here goes…
“Are you ready?” the associate asks me in the changing room.
Am I?
I don’t know. Yes and no.
“Y-yesss,” I stammer.
She holds out the dress and I slip my mom’s long-sleeve choice on; it has a high neck and flows out at the bottom. As soon as the woman buttons me up, I turn from side to side to look at myself in my first wedding dress. How do I feel trying a wedding dress on, as a fiancée to a man I actually like?
It’s crazy. This whole experience is crazy, but a large smile breaks on my face.
“You like this one?” the sales associate says.
I realize by my smile, she must think I do.
“Actually, no, it's seeing myself in a wedding dress. It’s kinda surreal,” I babble.
“Oh. Well, explain what you don’t like about his dress,” she prompts, standing behind me, staring at me in the mirror and waiting for my answer.
I run my hands over the dress as I explain. “The sleeves, the high neck, the shape is just too proper.”
This dress is my mom's choice, and not me at all. I want to feel sexy. I imagine Alex’s blue eyes hitting mine the moment I walk down the aisle, and I love how everything else in the room disappears and I’m all he sees. In this, I won’t have that confidence.
Walking out, my mom’s eyes immediately well up, and I can’t help but smile. This is a moment that feels special for us, even if our relationship has been strained due to the way she believes I should live my life. But with me “growing up,” as she calls it, I see the change in how she views me. And God, I’ve wanted this so much.
My friends grimace, but they all stay quiet. No one likes it—other than my mom.
I try on Blake’s choice next. It’s way too short and when I walk out, they all admit they don’t like the blush color.
I get back to the dressing room, where I decide to try on Madison’s choice. But as soon as I put it on. It’s all wrong.
There’s one more left. Alice’s choice. I don’t have high hopes, but as I step into it, I know it’s the one.
The soft lace feels so soft and feminine, and then the slight dip in the back makes me feel sexy. I imagine his hand on my back during our first dance together. And the front cinches in my waist, which I know is something he loves. His hands found any excuse to touch my waist last night. As the zip is fixed, I gasp at myself in the mirror. My eyes fill with unshed tears. I feel beautiful, and my nerves turn to excitement as I envision his face when I walk toward him in this.
I walk out to my friends and mom. The room is dead silent, but not for long.
Alice is a blubbering mess, and I can’t bring my eyes to her because I know the tears I’m holding back will fall down my cheek.
I was so lonely before I met him. And I didn’t realize it until recently. Living with him and spending time with him showed me how nice it was to have someone to listen to and talk to. Maddison is great, and I’ll love her forever, but it’s not the same. I feel different with him. When I slept in his arms, I felt like I had it all. We just clicked. We fit together perfectly.
Blake claps. “This is the dress!”
“It is.” I choke on my tears.
My mom’s dabbing her eyes with tissues. Maddison’s eyes are glassy, Blakes crying, and Alice’s damn sobbing hits me.
And my dam of tears releases.
I had a great day out. I’ve chosen a dress that I love and fits me like a glove. The moment I open the front door to Alex’s house, I feel giddy. Walking through the entry, I find him sprawled out on the sofa, one leg hooked over the back.