Page 7 of Keeping Our Secrets

It was almost like everything went in slow motion as I watched it drop, hit the edge of the boat and drop over the edge into the water.

Fuck me… was my last thought as I watched the surface of the water, willing the phone to magically return to me.

CHAPTER 3

Mairi

I made a mistake.

A slight error in judgement that I would have to live with for the rest of my life. It wasn’t like I was dying or anything… That was, unless my mom killed me when she found out.

“I’m here for you, no matter what happens,” Jen assured me as she squeezed my hand.

I stared at the stick, willing it to have different results than all the other previous times I’d taken the test. Jen’s watch beeped, making us both jump. I took a deep breath and looked in the window for the result.

My stomach lurched at the sight of two pink lines. “Are we sure we know what two lines mean?” I asked her, even though I knew deep down what it meant.

“We read the directions five times before you peed on the stick. I’m pretty sure it still means what it meant the first time we read them.”

“Well, I guess that’s that,” I sighed. Obviously, they all showed I was indeed pregnant. “This can’t be happening,” I squeaked.

I was positively fucked.

“Are you going to tell your mom?”

“What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey mom, remember when Jen and I promised we wouldn’t do anything crazy while you were away… well, we did. Oh, and by the way, I lost my virginity to some random stranger in Paris and I don’t mean Ontario. I have no idea what his last name is, but you’re gonna be a grandma.’ Something like that?” I scoffed.

“Well, obviously you’re not going to say that,” she agreed. “Besides, that’s not entirely true. Aren’t you guys still texting?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to keep it?”

“I don’t know yet. Aborting… just doesn't feel right for me, and I'm not sure I could give up my baby. Knowing its out there—”

“Okay, that’s your choice. So take time to figure out what you’re gonna say to your mom. There is a timeline, but if you’re gonna have the baby either way, you have time,” she hugged me, as I sobbed on her shoulder.

“This isn’t the end,” she told me again. “You have options.”

On our way out of the bathroom, I almost tossed the results in the garbage, but then reconsidered. This thing needed to go in the outside receptacle so her parents didn’t find it and start asking questions before I was ready to tell my mom.

This was already enough of a clusterfuck.

The last thing we both needed was for Jen to get accused of being the one who was pregnant instead of me.

“What do you want to do tonight?” she asked.

“Let’s watch a movie to keep my mind off things.”

As much as I tried to focus on the random rom-com she put on, I couldn’t stop thinking about the future.

I sure as hell wasn’t ready to have a baby.

I didn't know if I was ready to be a mother.

“Are you ready to text him yet?”

“Not yet,” I told her. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

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