Page 43 of Calculated Chaos

“I’ve wasted so many years pining for something I’m never gonna get, and now I have to question why I even wanted it. So what if he doesn’t approve of my life? Maybe it’s time I followed my own path. It’s not too late.”

“Not at all. What does that look like for you?”

“I don’t know yet, but I figure if I just started saying yes to things I want to say yes to instead of looking for reasons to say no, that would be a good start.”

Axel’s smile grows. “It’s a great start. So you really want to get a tattoo?”

“Not just that, Ax. I want to do a lot of stuff. I want to shake off the guy that’s been holding me back. I want to dive right in.” I flip my hand so we’re palm to palm. “But I’m gonna need you more than ever to keep me from sliding back. I’m gonna need my anchor when the panic sets in.”

“You know you can count on me.” Axel walks around the island so he’s beside me, our legs tangled together. “And this thing with us? How does that feel?”

Searching his eyes, I let the feelings rise to the surface, fighting back the scared part of me that’s afraid of losing my best friend. “I’m not gonna lie. It’s scary. I’ve lost every relationship I’ve ever been in, and the only consistent person in my world is you.”

Axel nods, his brow creased. “Same.”

“But it feels good. Normal, in a way. Like an extension of what we already were.”

His expression softens with relief. “I feel that too. I’m attracted to you, Holl. Like, crazy into you. I don’t know why the dungeon took the lid off, but I don’t care either. I believe we’re about to step into something pretty damn epic. Maybe…” Axel shakes his head. “Fuck, I don’t know, Holl, but maybe somehow this is exactly where we’re supposed to end up. We didn’t waste any time at all. We followed the path to each other that made the most sense.”

“I can see that.”

“Imagine if we’d kissed at eighteen, or even twenty-five. Were either of us mature enough to process that back then?”

I laugh. “No.”

“Right? It might’ve torn us apart.” He drapes his arms over my shoulders, playing with my hair in back. “But we’re adults now. We’ve been through shit. Love and loss, ups and downs, and we’ve just become stronger. We’re mature enough to accept how this could happen.”

“I like that idea.”

“I have another one.”

“What’s that?”

“After breakfast we could go back to bed and cuddle. We could… explore a little more.”

“We were drunk last night. Are you worried it was just a moment of weakness?”

“Holl.” He pushes his growing erection into my thigh. “Does that feel like a drunken moment of weakness? I want more of you.”

My stomach flutters as I nod, leaning closer until he presses a soft kiss to my lips. “I want more too.”

“Good. We’ll play and rest and then you’ll trust me to lead you on even more adventures. Can you do that? Can you trust me?”

“I always trust you.”

Axel smiles, kissing me again, his tongue flicking quickly against mine. He tastes sweet, like cream and strawberries, but there’s that something else I caught last night that can only be Axel. He ends the kiss, pressing our foreheads together.

As he steps back, I squeeze my dick and blow out a breath. “You know, being on the receiving end of all that sex appeal of yours is pretty heady.”

“Yeah, well, being on the receiving end of your kisses is nice as fuck.” He winks. “Finish eating. You need your strength.”

Nodding, I stuff another bite into my mouth. I can barely sit still just imagining what my sexy best friend has in mind for me. Whatever it is, for once, I’m not holding back. I am all in.

Chapter Nineteen

AXEL

After breakfast, the two of us climb back into my bed, lying on our sides facing each other. I’m smiling like an idiot, filled to the brim with jumbled emotions for my best friend. Hollister’s smile is softer, more reserved, but that’s just him.

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