Page 106 of How Jenna Became My Dilemma

“I don’t know if that’s one hundred percent accurate. You were already a good man before you ever met me. You just never gave yourself any credit.”

“It took being with you to see that I can be more. I can want more for myself.”

“You can want more for yourself, and I want that for you, but it’s hard for me to trust. What happens when you wake up two years from now and change your mind? When all the newness wears off, and you realize I’m nothing special, will you still feel the same? Will you still stay?”

“I won’t change my mind.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Neither do you.”

“I know that I wouldn’t promise you something right now if I weren’t one hundred percent sure that I could follow through. I’m not saying it will be easy. But if I say I’m not going to get scared and leave you, then you can trust that.”

“I’ve just had my heart broken so many times. I don’t see how, in one week, out of the blue, you can go from not knowing what you want to wanting a long-term, committed relationship. It doesn’t add up.”

“Jenna, I’m trying here!” I groan. “I’m opening myself up in ways I never have before so I don’t lose you. Stop getting in my way. Help me.” I take another step forward, reaching for her hand. “Help me hold onto us. Because I can’t do it alone. I need you to believe that I can do it.”

Her eyes water over, but no actual tears drop. “I want to believe you.”

“Then do.” My hand caresses her cheek, brushing her hair back. “I care more about your happiness than anything else. And I’m not going to stop fighting for us, because I really do think we can make it. That’s the craziest sentence I’ve said in my whole life. But I said it.” I take her other hand in mine so we’re holding both hands. “You want a man that loves you for you, someone that completely adores Jenna Lewis, not the girl they see in the magazines or the one they see on the TV screen. Well, that’s me. I love the real Jenna Lewis. I don’t care about any of the fake stuff. Being real with the real you is better than any fake scenario. And I know I said that I didn’t want to spend my life with one person, but I think that’s because I’d never found anyone who made the risky stuff seem worth it. But then I got to know you, and now I can actually picture a future together. I want a future together.

“I just want to deserve you, and I think I finally do, so don’t ruin this because you’re scared you can’t trust me. I’m scared too, but I’m here. I’m ready to be the man you need, so let me take care of you. Let me show you what it’s like to fully be loved, and you can show me what it’s like to believe in something worth holding onto.”

Her eyes drop, and she sucks in a deep breath before looking back at me. “I want the fantasy. Like, the whole thing—marriage, kids, happily ever after. It’s too soon to know if that’s right for us, but if we’re going to try this relationship for real, you need to know that’s the goal. It’s all on the table.”

“I know. Did you not just listen to my speech?”

“Yes, but I need to clarify so we’re on the same page and there’s no confusion.”

“There’s no confusion. I know what I’m getting myself into.” I grimace. “That sounded bad. I just mean I understand your needs, and I want to meet them. Which reminds me…” I let go of her hands and reach into my back pocket. “I made you something.” I hand her an envelope.

Her fingers slide over the paper, opening the flap. “What’s this?”

“I’m auditioning for the part of the man in your life, and this is a list of my qualifications.” I scratch the top of my head, suddenly feeling insecure about my idea. “I mean, a list of qualifications about myself would normally be stupid, but since we just finished filming The Promised Prince, and Trev wrote Renna a list, I thought I could do it too.”

Her lips slowly grow into a smile. “You made me a list like Trev did for Renna?”

“Yes, but instead of being things that I wanted to talk to you about, it’s qualifications of why I deserve to have the role as the man in your life.”

“Okay.” Jenna finally smiles big, something I’ve been dying to see this whole time. She spreads the paper apart, and my heart starts pounding as I watch her read my list.

JENNA

* * *

1. I’m pretty big and strong, so I can be your in-house security team all the time. Emphasis on in-house and all the time.

2. Everybody already thinks we’re together, so it’s easy to just keep going.

3. You’ve seen me at my worst and still seem to somewhat like me.

4. I promise to always be your biggest supporter and fan.

5. I know exactly how you liked to be held.

6. Each time we play twenty questions, I keep getting better and better at answering questions. Plus, I won’t tell anyone that you’re the official spokesperson for the game. Your secret is safe with me.

7. I can’t do math, which means you’ll constantly get to show off how smart you are by doing math for me.

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