Page 65 of Untamed

“And then you left.” I spit it out like venom.

“I thought you wouldn’t want me to see you like that.” She shrugs, and a small sob escapes her. “You were so mad at me that day…”

“Don’t!” I don’t raise my voice. I don’t yell at her. But I put even more distance between us and speak firmly. “You do not get to blame a stupid little fight we had as the reason you left me and my family when my fucking sister died. I had come to terms with me pushing you away so hard that you couldn’t even come back to town. But to come back, see me in that state, and still leave? I can’t make that work in my head, River.”

“Hayes.” Another sob. “Please, I just…I didn’t think you would want me to see you like that. I didn’t think you would want me there. And I had exams that I couldn’t miss. I had to go back to Bozeman.”

“But you stayed away, River.” I take my hat off, run my hands through my hair as I pace in a circle, and then shove it back on my head. “You could’ve come back. You could’ve come back when finals were done. You could’ve explained everything and been there. But you abandoned me.

“Hell,” I continue. “You could’ve told me once we started talking again. Once we were friends again. You could’ve told me before I kissed you, before I fucked you. Before I asked you to move in with me!”

She flinches at my words, and I know I’m being too harsh, but I can’t stop it. I can’t make my mouth shut the fuck up.

“You could’ve told me so many times, River. And you chose not to. You chose to tell Poppy but not me. It was a conscious decision to hide this from me.”

“Did you stop to wonder why?” She throws her hands up at her sides. “Have you thought for a second here that maybe I hid this from you because I was afraid of this reaction? That I was afraid to lose you all over again?”

I put my hands on my hips and turn away from her. I can’t look at the anguish that’s so clearly written all over her face.

“And did it occur to you, Hayes, that I’m not the only one that hid this from you?”

Of course it did. I listened. I heard her story. I heard her tell me that my parents and my brothers both knew that she had come and just chose to never tell me. Even when I was talking to Rhett and Wells about it the other week, they both remained silent. When I was worried about it, when it was stuck in the back of my brain like a fuckin’ parasite trying to eat away at the happiness I had with her.

Everyone kept this from me.

“Please don’t shut down.” The tears are falling faster now when I turn back around. “Just talk to me, Hayes. I’m so sorry. I should’ve stayed. I should’ve been there for you, and I let stupid shit get in the way. I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t.” I reach out and pull her into a hug as she shakes and cries. My shirt gets soaked within a matter of seconds as I hold her tightly. “I can’t talk this out with you right now, River.”

Her arms tighten around my torso, and she cries harder. My heart is breaking, fucking shattering into a million pieces hearing her cry like this. But I need a minute. I need time to myself to sort through all of my thoughts and emotions. If I want to make this work, if I don’t want to fuck it all up like I did over ten years ago, then I need some time alone. I need to get my fucking head straight.

“Please,” she begs. “Please don’t leave me again.”

I take her face in my hands and make her look at me. Her poor cheeks are red and blotchy, and her tears have completely soaked her face. When she looks up at me, I try to help her breathe.

“Breathe with me, firefly.” In and out. In and out. “Breathe.”

She sniffs and tries her hardest to calm down, her tears slowing and her breaths evening out.

“I’m not sayin’ this is over, okay? I’m just sayin’ that I need some time.” I kiss the top of her head as she sinks back into my arms, crying just as hard as before. “I have to go, River.”

She cries harder, her arms squeezing the life out of me as I try to slip from her grasp. If I stay here any longer, I’m going to cave. If I cave, I’m going to resent her. I have to work through the thoughts and emotions going through my mind right now, or we will never be fully us again.

“River, please.” My own voice cracks as her tears get to me. I can’t fucking do this. “I have to go, baby. Just give me some time.”

“If I let you walk away, you won’t come back!” she cries into my chest.

“Hey!” Poppy comes running out of the barn. “River, come with me, babe.”

“I just need some time.” My eyes are pleading with Poppy to understand and help me. But she won’t look at me.

“Come on, honey.” Poppy finally peels her away from me, and River collapses into her. “Let’s go back inside, okay? Betty will give you some love.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I just—”

“Hayes,” Poppy says, looking over her shoulder as she helps River walk back to the barn. “Just go. I have her.”

“I—”

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