Page 80 of A Kiss at Midnight

“The ladies at work asked if I wanted to go out for a drink,” I tell him. “I’m pretty excited about it. It’s been a long time since I was asked to go anywhere with co-workers — not since before my mother died.”

“Oh, that’s good,” he replies, but the expression on his face doesn’t match his words.

“Is something wrong?” I ask as I wrack my brain for something I might’ve missed. “Is something going on later today that I forgot about?”

“Not at all,” he replies, but all of the joy I saw when he and Justin first hurtled into the kitchen is gone. “Go get ready for work.”

I nod, but a sense of guilt follows me while I get ready for work. Blake doesn’t say anything when I leave to take Justin to school, then head to the office. What am I feeling guilty about? It makes zero sense. Have I done something wrong? Should I not go out? He’s encouraged me to have some girl time before. I haven’t left Justin’s side since he came. I’m confused now.

I push away these feelings as I walk through the doors of the beautiful building. My job might not always be thrilling, but I had enough excitement in the last year to last me a lifetime. What I crave now is peace, normalcy, and the absence of any further disasters in my life.

Do I miss the passion I used to share with Blake? Sure I do, but I’ve lived most of my life without having it, so I can certainly get used to living without it again. I might have a chance to find true love one day — both romanceandpassion. It isn’t like I’m an old maid and past my prime. Heck, it’s never too late to find love. Justin will be home with me for the next eight years, but a lot of people have patchwork families. If only the thought of being with another man was in the least bit appealing. When five o’clock finally arrives, I’m more than ready for some girl time.

“Jewel, let’s get the heck out of here. It’s Friday and I want to find some cold drinks and some seriously hot men.” I look up at my co-worker, Stacy, a single mom in her late twenties who possibly parties a bit too much, but seems like a fun person to hit the town with.

“Who’s coming?” I ask after I shut down my computer.

“A couple of women from accounting, and a new receptionist. I hope you plan on staying out late,” Stacy says as we make our way to the elevator.

“Not too late. I have my brother to get home to.”

“He’s fine with Blake. Let’s have some fun.” I ignore this. I’m already feeling guilty and thinking this wasn’t the best idea. I go from excited to guilt-ridden in seconds.

“Are we meeting them?” I ask.

“We’re carpooling. Jenna’s agreed to be the designated driver tonight,” Stacy says, and she grabs my hand and leads me to a minivan in the corner of the garage. Four other women are standing by, waiting.

“I had a crap week,” Jenna says. “Let’s get to the bar before all of the tables are gone.” We pile in. It doesn’t take long to get to the bar, and within an hour I’m ready to go home. This isn’t my scene, and I’d much rather be spending time with Justin — okay, and possibly with Blake too — than with a bunch of women intent on getting plastered.

“May I have this dance?”

I look up at a nicely dressed man gazing down at me as if I’m his next meal. The refusal is on the tip of my tongue when Stacy leans over and whispers. “Yum... he’s beyond hot. Go for it.”

I’m pushed from my chair and led to the dance floor. Maybe it’s the two drinks I had, and maybe it’s depression from feeling unwanted by the man I desperately want to need me, but one dance turns into two... and then three, and soon I’m sitting at a corner table with Frank. The guy’s telling me the story of his entire life! And I couldn’t care less, but somehow, I’m still sitting with him.

The only thing keeping me here is the hope that maybe by receiving a little bit of male attention I can somehow push away my all-consuming feelings for Blake... so far, it isn’t happening.

A long and painful hour later, I’m waiting for a break in the conversation, an acceptable opportunity for me to excuse myself. I’m not attracted to Frank and hope to make it home in time to watch a movie with Justin and Blake. My plan to not think about Blake is failing miserably.

A night on the couch with a huge bowl of popcorn is more my idea of a perfect Friday night than sitting in a bar with a man who’s starting to drop heavy hints about the way he wants the evening to progress.

“I’ve enjoyed spending time with you tonight,” Frank says as he reaches across the table and takes my hand before I can pull it away. “I’d like to continue this somewhere... quieter.” He runs his fingers across my knuckles, and I shudder,nota good shudder.

The guy isn’t getting the normal social cues I’m giving him, cues that should tell him I’m not interested in what he has to offer. But before I’m able to respond to his suggestion, he continues.

“We’re both attractive people with needs, and the two of us have a connection,” he says with what he probably thinks is a seductive grin. This needs to stop.

“Frank, I appreciate the dancing tonight, and the drink you bought me, and the company, but I’m not interested in more. I wanted to come out with my girlfriends for a few hours. I’m sure there are plenty of women here looking for something that might last until morning,” I tell him with a gentle smile.

“Oh, I wasn’t expecting that. It seemed like we had something going on tonight, something more than just... well,that,” he says, still holding my fingers. “Is there any possibility you might change your mind?”

“No. I’ve had a rough year, and I’m not on the market. Sorry, Frank.”

He looks disappointed, but certainly not devastated, which makes me feel better. And why would he be upset? It isn’t like we know each other, not after an hour in a loud club.

I look away from him to all the people, men leaning against the bar and flirting with women they’ve never met before, groups sitting around tables and engaging in serious people-watching, and I can almost guess who’s hoping to hook up with someone, and who just wants a little down time after a long workweek. I’m in neither category. I simply wanted some female bonding, but it seems that isn’t going to happen.

“I’m out celebrating tonight anyway, Jewel. I wasn’t really looking to hook up with someone, but I saw you and couldn’t turn away, so I thoughtwhat the heck. But I get it. I was in a relationship last year that threw me for a loop when it ended. I haven’t been serious with anyone since.”

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