Page 79 of A Kiss at Midnight

“I’m not trying to put this on your shoulders, however, since you’ve come into my life, it’s been different. I don’t know what it is, but I’m sleeping better. I want... more for my life. I don’t want you to go.”

She’s silent for a while as she snuggles against me. I can practically feel the fight within her as she tries to figure out what to say. I don’t love her next words, but she’s not pulling away, and for now, it’s enough.

“That’s a lot of responsibility to put on my shoulders, Blake.”

“I’m simply speaking the truth.”

“You aren’t what you portray to the world, are you?” she asks. I might have shared my story with her, but I also don’t want to give her false illusions of who I am. I carefully draw her head back so I can look into her eyes.

“I’m still cold, Jewel. Around you, Iwantto be different, but I’ll never fully change,” I warn before leaning down and gently taking her lips. I don’t want to hurt her. Ineedthis woman with me, but I need her to know this is who I am, and this isn’t something I can change about myself. Yes, I’ve been through a traumatic experience, and I still make bad choices in life... but I always own my choices.

“I don’t think you’re as cold as you want the world to think you are,” she says. When I’m clearly about to reply, she holds up her hand to stop me. “We’re both screwed up, Blake, probably too screwed up to discover real happiness. So, you know what?” She pauses long enough for me to be concerned.

“What?” I ask, the pain of my horrible memory slowly fading while she rests within my arms.

She gives a half-hearted smile. “I’ll marry you. I’ll do what we both need.”

It takes a few moments for her words to sink in. I don’t express the triumph I expected at her finally saying she’ll be mine. This isn’t how I want her to be mine — not at all. I want more, but I don’t know whatmoreis.

“I don’t want a pity acceptance, Jewel.”

“Whether you want it or not, you have it. Have you changed your mind about getting married, Blake?”

This stops me. “No, Jewel, I still want to marry you. It won’t be a typical marriage filled with a bended knee and roses every night. I don’t want to mislead you.” I want to buy her flowers, though... and shock of all shocks, it’s difficult for menotto drop to my knees for her.

“I’d never think such a thing,” she says, and her sad sigh makes the tightness reappear in my throat.

I have to push these odd emotions aside, though, because I finally have what I wanted for a long time. I won’t allow the guilt consuming me to change the course our lives are about to take. Jewelwillbe my wife. We’ll have to wait to see what comes next... because I can handle just about anything as long as she stays right where I want her most.

Chapter Review

Chapter Forty-Five

Jewel

Save yourself!”

Startled, I lose my hold on my cup of coffee, but am thankful when it bounces into the sink. Timing is everything. I can’t help but smile when I turn to see Justin running into the room with Blake hot on his tail.

“Help, Sissy,” Justin hollers, the words scrambled because he’s laughing so hard.

“There’s no help for the two of you,” I say with mock weariness, and begin laughing when Justin’s socks make him skid across the well-polished tile floors. He lands in a heap near my feet. Thanks to the counter, Blake manages to come to a stop, though just barely.

I’ve been in fog for the last three weeks. When Blake said he could get things done, he hadn’t been fooling around. We had a court date within one week — for mere mortals, that would be miraculous — and we were granted temporary custody of Justin. The three of us have been living in Blake’s new house since Justin was removed from foster care.

So quickly it still makes my head spin, we’ve developed a weekday routine. We get up together and have breakfast, and then Justin goes to school with either Blake or me, and we both head to work. I love my job more and more each day. It gives me purpose now that I’m not worried about Justin, and for the first time in a long while, I’m in control.

Maybe it’s notcompletecontrol, because I’m still unsure of where Blake and I stand, but at least there’s stability in my life, and most importantly, Justin’s with me. I won’t do anything to screw this up.

One thing truly baffles me. Blake hasn’t touched me since we’ve moved in together. I don’t share a room with him. Since the time I agreed to our marriage of convenience, I haven’t heard him utter another word about it. I fear this is all nothing but a dream, preventing me from bringing it up to him, though it’s constantly on my mind.

Blake’s standing before me in a low-slung pair of sweats and a tight T-shirt, his normal morning attire. When he reaches for a mug and pours himself some coffee, I can’t help but appreciate his incredible physique.

I also wonder whether he thinks this togetherness isn’t such a great idea after all. He’s amazing with Justin. Maybe he just needs someone to make his business deal go through, but in the meantime, he’s getting attached to my little brother.

Elsa works for us, cleaning and cooking on occasion, but other than that, Blake splits the household responsibilities with me. The two of us seem to be nothing more than housemates... and I don’t like it.

“What are your plans tonight?” he asks as he gets out cereal for Justin while my brother reaches into the cupboard for a bowl.

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