‘No, I was just trying to save some money on the flights.’ My voice caught again. I hated myself every time I said those words out loud.

‘Like most normal people do every day, then?’ Paula gave me another one of her intense looks – if she’d asked me to hand over my pin number and all my passwords, at that stage, I think I’d have been powerless to refuse. ‘And what about the guy who drove the other car? Did he do something he knew presented a high risk of hurting other people?’

‘Yes, but…’

‘No buts! What he did isn’t what normal people do. That isn’t what everyone does, every day. It was the action of a selfish, thoughtless person, who you could argue doesn’t deserve anything good in their lives. But that’s not you, Libby. Far from it.’

‘They’re talking about letting him out of prison. He’s already having home visits and his family only live a few streets away from my grandparents.’ The tears I’d desperately hidden from Nan filled my eyes.

‘All the more reason to stay here.’ Paula suddenly sounded less like a therapist, and more like a friend.

‘But my grandparents are there.’

‘And what do they want you to do?’

‘They want me to stay in New York.’

‘Well, you either need to change your deodorant then, or you need to start listening to them. And to yourself.’

‘My parents are back there too. The churchyard where their ashes are buried is just around the corner from my grandparents’ place.’ I know it probably sounded crazy, but the thought of just leaving them there made me shiver in a way that had nothing to do with the cold.

‘Do you think that’s where your parents really are? Because I think they’re in here.’ Paula put her hand over her heart. ‘And if you really listen, I think you’ll find they’re adding their voices to the chorus telling you to stay too.’

I nodded. ‘Thank you, Paula. I will think about it, I promise.’ It was the second promise I’d made in as many hours, and I meant it. I would think about it. But whatever decision I made, it wasn’t going to be easy.

Paula swerved around another lump of snow that had fallen on to the path, lightening the mood. ‘I think we need to get Madison’s firemen down here to clear the paths again.’

‘Purely for health and safety reasons of course.’

‘Absolutely.’ Paula laughed. ‘Although if I could persuade DeShawn to borrow one of their uniforms…’

I smiled back at her. ‘You two look great together.’

‘If a client told me that they were thinking about doing what DeShawn and I are thinking about doing, I’d tell them they needed a course of therapy to get their head straight.’

‘Do I want to know what you’re thinking of doing?’ I was already dealing with Aunt Dottie’s regular updates about her couple’s massage sessions with Brian, so I really wasn’t sure I wanted to hear about anyone else’s private lives – especially if it involved them wearing uniforms.

‘Nothing kinky, don’t worry!’ She laughed again. ‘But he’s asked me to marry him, and we’ve been going out for less than a month.’

‘Okay… I suppose that does sound rushed. But you’ve known each other quite a while, haven’t you?’

‘Two years.’

‘See, now that seems perfectly respectable, and if you think it’s the right thing to do, who cares what other people think? There are no guarantees in life, anyway. You could date for five years, but would it make a difference?’

‘Who’s supposed to be the therapist here?’ Paula had a thoughtful look on her face. ‘But you’re right, there are no guarantees. And that’s why none of us can get through life without taking some risks. How about I will, if you will? If you stay in New York, I’ll say yes to DeShawn, and if you leave, I might just make him wait those five years.’

‘Do you blackmail all your clients?’

‘You’re not a client, you’re a friend. But, yeah, I’m not averse to a bit of blackmail if I run out of other ideas.’ She laughed. ‘So, is it a deal?’

‘If you’re prepared to risk turning someone like DeShawn down, then I can risk weighing up my options.’ I stuck out my hand. ‘It’s a deal.’

I didn’t really believe that Paula would turn him down if I decided to leave, but she’d given me a lot to think about. And the fact that she cared enough to make the deal – even if she wouldn’t be able to stick to it – meant a lot. Picking up the pace as the snow began to fall again, I followed her out of the park and past Grace and Charlie’s bench, saying a silent hello to them. Even they’d be hard to say goodbye to. New York might have been doing a great job of mending my heart, but it was stealing it a piece at a time too.

11

I felt like a teenager, sneaking back into the house with my shoes in my hand as we took the long way back to Candy Cane Lane after breakfast. Harry had taken me out for pancakes, and it was almost as if we were cheating on Dannie and Rob by not having breakfast at the deli. But we were still trying to keep our relationship a bit less of a talking point than DeShawn and Paula had managed. I was pretty sure that Harry had confided in her how much time we were spending together, and everyone knew we were dating. But if I told Dannie just how often we were together, he’d start mentioning wedding bells again, and Aunt Dottie would be putting both of our names on the deeds to the shop.