Page 24 of Meet Me In Central Park

Nan was three steps ahead of me every time and all I could do was smile. Luckily, I’d at least had the foresight to buy and wrap my grandparents’ gifts before I’d left for New York. ‘Thank you and, if I don’t speak to you again beforehand, I want you to have the best holiday ever.’ I blew Nan a kiss. ‘I love you, and please tell Granddad how much I love and miss him too.’

‘I will darling, and we both love you more than you’ll ever know.’

Ending the FaceTime call, I stared at the blank screen. Like those novelty road signs that tell you how many miles it is to the North Pole, all routes suddenly seemed to be leading to New York. But I needed to speak to someone about it. Someone who’d be able to help me weigh up the pros and cons, without any real investment in my decision.

* * *

‘I’m so glad you were free to meet.’ The paths in Central Park had been cleared, but the snow had fallen heavily again overnight, and the grass was hidden under piles of fresh white snow. If we’d stumbled upon a village of log cabins, with elves sledging down the slopes, it wouldn’t have looked out of place.

‘Did you call Harry first?’ Paula looked up at me, navigating the way through a patch of snow that had slid back down on to the path.

‘No. I thought talking to him would just muddy the waters.’ I swallowed – she was his best friend, but she was also a psychotherapist, so it probably wasn’t worth me trying to hide anything from her anyway. ‘I can’t think straight when he’s around. Sorry, that sounds like a bad pick-up line, but it’s true. And I really need to think straight about this.’

‘He feels the same about you, you know.’ Paula pulled a face. ‘Sorry, that probably isn’t helping much either, but I’ve never seen him like this about anyone before.’

‘If things were straightforward, I’d be certain that staying in New York was the right thing to do. But I’m just not sure.’

‘What? About the offer your aunt made you to take over the shop?’

‘I love working in the shop, spending time with Harry, and having a whole group of new friends. It’s given me the sort of life over here that I could have only dreamt about back home. But I don’t deserve any of it.’

‘Because of what happened to your parents?’ Paula’s eyes clouded as I bit my lip. We’d talked about it a bit before, but as she’d told me at the beginning, the art classes weren’t really therapy sessions. There was a bit of group therapy involved in the analysis of some of the paintings, but they were more just an outlet for releasing feelings, and for my new group of friends, another excuse to get together. I’d told Paula about my aunt’s offer and she knew the basic story of the accident, but we hadn’t explored it in depth. I’d never talked to her about how much I felt I’d left them down, by not fighting hard enough to ensure Grant Bailey’s conviction reflected his crimes. Or how guilty I felt about the prospect of leaving them in the churchyard and starting a new life thousands of miles away, too. A bird flew across our path and perched on one of the branches of a tree to the left of us, all by itself, which seemed somehow symbolic. I just hoped Paula could say something that might help.

‘There’s so much I think I could have done differently.’ I paused for a moment, but I had to get all of this out there. ‘I could have booked different flights that wouldn’t have put them on the road in the dark, when it was still icy. I could have driven them myself and maybe that would have changed the outcome. Most of all I could have kept fighting to make sure that the man who caused the accident understood just how devastating his actions were. It feels as if he’s walked away from this with barely any consequences to him.’

‘I’m sure you’ve been told a hundred times already that the accident wasn’t your fault and that you did everything you could to make sure you got justice for your parents?’ Paula looked up at me again.

‘More like a thousand.’

‘And none of that makes a difference, right?’

‘Right.’

‘And what do you think your mom would say to you, if you could ask her what to do?’

‘She’d tell me to do whatever makes me happy. She always did.’ I hugged my arms to my body, the familiar catch in the back of my throat making my voice raspy.

‘And your dad?’

‘He’d tell me Harry was a keeper. He was never that keen on my boyfriends, but I just have this feeling I can’t explain, that both of my parents would have loved Harry.’

‘And is Harry the only reason you’d be staying in New York, if you decided to accept your aunt’s offer?’ Paula didn’t take her eyes off mine.

‘No, he’s a big part of it, but I’ve never enjoyed a job more than I enjoy working in the shop, and I want to help raise funds for the Community Center. I feel like I’ve made new friends already, and the city just feels like home. I don’t want to leave Aunt Dottie to have to find someone to run the shop either, if she’s serious about giving up work.’

‘So why do you want to go home?’

‘For my grandparents.’

‘And?’ Nothing much got past Paula.

‘And to punish myself for what happened to my parents when there’s things I could have done differently. But most of all because I don’t want to let them down again, by leaving them all alone, buried in the ground, halfway around the world. I wasn’t there for them when they needed me most and I’ve got to try to make up for that.’

‘I’m not even going to try to tell you that none of this is down to you, because I know you still aren’t ready to hear it. But if you think it’s all your fault, then why do you hate the guy who was driving the other car so much?’

‘Because it was his fault too.’

‘And did you do something you knew would be putting your parents in the path of danger?’

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