Page 32 of Fabulous Filthy Friend

Do priests not have any sex drive?

Surely, this guy must have masturbated at least once in his life.

There has to be another way to say this. Another way to get my point across. “You know…beating the meat? Stroking the pole? Polishing the banister?”

He sighs. “I’m sorry, son, but you’re confusing me here.”

Christ…

“Father, I jerk off. I masturbate, and they watch me.”

The temperature in the confessional booth drops about ten degrees, almost as if a cold front has slipped through as the words hang in the air between us. Undoubtedly, Father Lafayette has heard some interesting things in this box over the years, but I highly doubt he’s encountered this one before. If he were in L.A. or Vegas, it could be possible, but Redondo Beach isn’t exactly a hotbed of illicit behavior.

He pauses briefly and clears his throat like he’s searching for his words. “And you do this for money?”

“Yes, women, and sometimes men, pay to watch me do this.”

Saying the words out loud has bile rising in my throat. I’ve never told anyone about HRD4U, let alone a sexually repressed celibate priest who probably believes even thinking about masturbation is a sin.

“This is how you support yourself?”

“I have a good job, but I needed additional income when the market went south, and I kind of fell into this work.”

The joking in the locker room at the gym about what a wet dream I must be for women because of my physique and big dick is what got this whole thing started. One simple comment about a webcam. Something said in jest by a guy I lift weights with. He never knew I took the idea and ran with it.

“My son, I can see why you’re feeling guilty about this. First Corinthians 6:18 says, ‘Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.’”

The words hit me one by one, each a blow to my already fragile conscience. Yet, growing up reading the Bible and having it read to me, I always knew there were contradictions. And one comes to mind now.

“But Proverbs 3:27 says, ‘Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.’ Isn’t that what I’m doing? A service to others? And First Corinthians 6:20 says, ‘You were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.’ I’m sharing my body, sharing what God has given me in his own image with others.”

“I don’t think the Bible quite had this type of situation in mind.”

No, it most certainly did not.

Father Lafayette continues, “Nor the sexualization of society that has occurred in recent years. Which is just as much at fault for this type of behavior as your own actions. It’s the cardinal sin of lust working its way into our collective psyche. The work of the Devil himself that cannot be ignored so easily.”

Wait, what? Is this guy giving me a free pass?

It’s been a long time since I’ve sat in a confession booth, but I don’t remember it going like this in the past. It was more fire and brimstone, hours of penance, and less understanding back then.

Maybe times have changed in the church.

He shifts on the other side of the metal mesh separating us. “Are you hurting anyone with this behavior?”

I shrug even though he can barely see me. “I don’t know. I hope not.”

But I can’t really know that.

How could I?

I don’t know those people’s lives. Whether or not they’re married or in a relationship. Whether their significant others are okay with them watching me. Whether or not they have the money to spend on their site subscription or whether they are taking food from their kids’ mouths to pay for it. Whether or not it’s some kind of porn addiction that’s destroying them slowly.

All I know is the people who watch want to watch. I’m not forcing anything on anyone.

“It sounds like the only real issue here is your internal struggle with your behavior.”

“Yes, and something one of my viewers said to me the other night.”

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