Page 177 of Halfblood Deceived

He dipped his chin. “Alright. Of course.” He went to the entrance and put on his shoes, pausing for a moment to look at her.

Aella bit her lip and lowered her eyes to her toes, not wanting to see if she’d hurt him, knowing she’d break down if she did.

Zeydan left, closing the door with a soft click.

Aella felt her legs give way under her. Her butt landed hard on the carpet, her back against the shelf.

She had ruined her friendship with Zeydan, hadn’t she? Why did you kiss him, you stupid, stupid mess? She demanded of herself, but she knew the answer. If she were to be honest with herself, she had to finally admit the truth, no matter how sinful it was—she had been attracted to Zeydan since she saw him the first time.

Yes, she had been scared of him too, but also hopelessly drawn.

Her mind’s eye supplied her with a crystal clear memory of that moment when she had realized Zeydan had a beating heart. How he’d noticed her painful fear and released her at once, reluctant to hurt her. Even then—with her shoulder bleeding and adrenaline pumping in her veins, with her head full of lies and her hands stained with Zeydan’s blood—even then she had felt the impulse to get closer, to place her palm over his heart.

She remembered Zeydan’s despair after Micah had dropped that bomb on them and Lex dragged him away. “Not without her!” Zeydan had screamed, even as his lungs and skin burned.

Aella closed her eyes and banged her head against the solid wood, relishing the small sting of pain that brought her to the present.

She wanted to undo the last quarter of an hour. She wished time machines truly existed and she could turn back time to get her uncomplicated friendship with Zeydan back.

Bullshit, said an annoying little part of her consciousness. You want to do that again.

Aella groaned and hit the back of her head against the shelf once more. Yes, she did, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t start something she had no idea how to finish, or if she could finish. She didn’t know how to ask Zeydan for more. Because what she wanted might not be enough for him. Because it was unfair to ask without having anything to give.

But most importantly, because she was a disaster. And she had no idea if she would ever be able to allow anyone, even Zeydan, to have her without thinking about the many, many times Micah had taken from her what he wanted.

Aella wished she could do it one day.

But wishing was not enough.

She, unfortunately, knew that all too well.

V

PART FIVE

Through her darkness

He saw her light

Her unending pain

He bathed in cleansing rain

Like fire and flame

Now he runs through her veins

She wants to let him in

He knows she belongs with him

Will her heart be bold?

Or will its blaze grow cold?

CHAPTER 36

A week had passed since the wonderful but ultimately disastrous kiss Aella had shared with Zeydan.

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