Page 104 of Halfblood Deceived

Her nightmares didn’t just involve innocent Aiko and her parents being slaughtered.

She woke up, frozen by fear, seeing a tall male lurking in the shadows of her room.

Fortunately, she had learned not to scream when those distorted visions and memories blurred her reality. She didn’t want to disturb Diana.

Sometimes it took her minutes to differentiate memories and dreams from real life.

Sometimes she felt Micah’s hands around her forearms, bruising her skin and making her bones protest. Even after the nightmares ended, she felt his suffocating weight on top of her, his hot breath near her ear, and his lips moving against her skin. She could hear him saying things she wished she could forget as he took what he wanted from her. No matter if she begged him not to. No matter if it hurt her. She had stopped begging within weeks of their marriage. It was useless. If anything, Micah had enjoyed her supplicating.

Aella had blamed herself for it.

She had believed him when he said she was being melodramatic and a bad wife. That she should be happy to give him what he needed.

She had believed him until recently.

Until she could feel how small pieces of her soul died every time Micah berated her for being less than he wanted. Parts of her had shattered every time he didn’t ask permission and made her do things that turned her stomach and made her feel filthy.

She would never be clean of him, of her guilt. Never.

So, what was the point of continuing this miserable, useless existence she had?

A small, cowardly part of her wanted to find a reason.

She could feel something stir in her mind, in her blood, begging her to stop, but she didn’t.

She read the map and plunged deeper and deeper into the forest as fast as her legs could take her. She tripped twice and hit her stomach against fallen trees, and scratched her palms with tiny rocks on the damp ground, but she pressed on.

Minutes melted into hours, and hours flew by like seconds.

What seemed like no time at all and forever later, she heard the powerful rush of water and smelled salt. Heart rattling inside her ribcage, she hurried those final yards, leaving the treeline, and finding a ledge of stone covered by moss that overlooked the impossibly high plunge into the ocean. The salty wind slapping her face made her cheeks burn with cold.

Her feet dragged then.

A primal part of her brain was sending confusing signals to her body, trying to keep her in place.

Aella pushed stubbornly forward, coming within nine feet of the edge.

It’s time; she said to herself. I should have done this long ago.

Eight feet.

I want this. I want it to end. The tears overflowing her eyes and wetting her cheeks meant nothing. Nothing.

Seven feet.

No one else will care aside from Diana.

Six feet.

We’ve spent only a month together. My death can’t hurt Diana that much. Right? Aella wondered.

Five feet.

Diana won’t be alone without me; Aella reminded herself. Diana had Kamilla and other friends she’d tried to get Aella to meet, after all.

Four feet.

I am a burden to Diana. I am doing her a favor, too.

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