Page 77 of Haze

Her jaw drops before she closes it slowly.

“Everything changed for you, and my argument with Cade that you should go back was strictly because you should try to have some normalcy. Then, when he reminded me about the wolf archive and what he wanted to do with it...” I draw a deep breath. “Getting me to talk you out of going back was easier. It doesn’t make it less wrong.”

“Yeah, but I forgive you, so that makes it better.” Thalia smiles. She bites her bottom lip, and then the conversation takes another turn. “Can we talk about how you almost died?”

“Going into heat is not life-threatening. I’m the exception, not the rule.” I shake my head, trying to dissuade her fear.

It stings. Of course, trying not to think about it means I’m thinking about it. I’m probably sterile. It’s all my fault, and had I been smart and listened to anyone else, this wouldn’t have happened.

Not done with questions, she continues. “Okay, I know I’m asking for too much information, and if it’s too personal, I completely understand, but it’s literally your life work, so I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to answer.”

The room swarms with nervous energy. Even without my wolf, it’s drowning me.

“Fucking hell, Thalia. Breathe.”

“Sorry.” Thalia wipes a flyaway curl out of her eyes and a tear with it. “How awful is heat really? I know we talked about it, but that was before everything, and I didn’t trust you then. Ugh, I mean, your heat. You were so sick. And what are the warning signs? Because all I keep hearing is soon but no real answer on exactly when.” Thalia’s eyes go increasingly wider as she speaks.

“Thalia, it’s okay.” I grab her hand and squeeze it tightly.

Thalia reeks of fear.

I start with very basic wolf biology and anatomy 101. “Humans have an average of a twenty-eight-day cycle. Wolves’ cycles are about six months long. Which is why our best guess is sometime between six and eight months after you were turned. There isn’t a lot of data on turned wolves. Wolves have never been pro-biting humans.”

Thalia squeezes my hand back, but I can tell she’s not convinced.

“Okay, I know you’re squeamish, but I’ll try to explain it as not gross as I can.” I try to figure out non-medical terms that I can live with myself saying. “You’ll notice some swelling and maybe spotting for about a week. Then the fun begins.”

“Why did you say fun like it’s sarcastic and not fun at all?” Thalia’s eyes go wide with fear.

“It’s not that it’s not fun.” I backpedal. “It’s that nothing I could say would prepare you. So, really it’s not worth scaring you. But Cade will take good care of you. You’ve nothing to worry about.” I leave out the fact that he’s done this before and try to make the symptoms and distresses of heat sound very blasé. “It’s a little pain cramping, a higher body temperature, and being more horny than you’ve ever been in your entire life.”

“Okay, so what happened to you? Was it the trial drugs?” Thalia squeezes my hand tightly. “I really don’t want to lose you. I love my little family, especially you.”

“Cade won’t let you take a heat suppressant or one of the starters. There’s no way he’d risk anything that might potentially hurt you.” And you’re too loyal, too good, and too smart to ever do anything stupid like me, I omit.

Thalia nods. It’s obvious, with her short breaths, that she’s stressing out over what’s very unknown to her. I contributed to her fear. It’s understandable she’s that much more afraid of heat after what I’ve been through.

At least one more thing is bugging Thalia. She’s chewing on her bottom lip. I give her the space to ask it on her own.

“Your life’s work is finding a birth control for wolves. That leads me to believe there’s something someone isn’t telling me. What are the chances I’m getting pregnant whenever this heat torture starts?”

Better than mine because I’m an idiot. But I reference back to my statistical data rather than snark. “Without a barrier, about eighty percent.”

I wasn’t pregnant. Statistically, the odds were in favor of it happening. I should have been pregnant. Unless the pill worked. I want to be back in the lab and look at the blood work. I need to analyze it.

“So, how do I get Cade to listen to me and accept that I want to start our family and that school isn’t the most important thing to me right now?” Thalia asks with a sigh, her shoulders slumping.

“Cade loves you and...” I try to walk the fine line between what they both want but favor Cade’s preference to wait over starting a family. “He’s pretty serious about waiting. Give it time and enjoy being mated. You’re happy together. Don’t complicate it.”

That settles Thalia a bit, and her wolf relaxes, lessening the tension in the room.

Thalia hangs her head. “Yeah. You’re right. I mean, he’s already stuck with me, so I don’t need to go all crazy gold digger, ‘make me a baby momma’ on him.”

I snort. Thalia constantly shocks me with what she’s becoming more comfortable saying.

“I like having you as a friend.” Thalia nods. “I know you’re constantly judging me, but I’m pretty sure you like me.”

“I love you.” The words come out easy and unforced. “I am not constantly judging you. I’m continually surprised by how open and accepting you are of people. And wondering how I could get better at doing this while simultaneously keeping up the guise of who I am.”

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