Page 76 of Haze

“Thalia. Ask the question.”

Thalia moves from where she was sitting on the couch to sit across from me on the floor. “Okay, but like, this bond thing. Like, I feel things about him.”

“Yeah, you’re supposed to love him,” I answer with a nod.

I feel so disadvantaged in this conversation.

“Not like that.” Thalia holds her hands out like she’s trying to grasp an imaginary ball. She huffs and drops them to her lap.

What do people usually say it’s like? I try to offer things other mated pairs have said about it. “Like you can feel what he’s feeling? Or what he wants you to feel? Pushing it to you?”

Her eyes light up. “Yes! And I don’t know... is that a Cade thing or a bond thing? I know with The Leviathan, he can... .” His use of his gift on her has been a point of contention between them. She bites her lip for a moment before releasing it. “But he promised not to do that.”

I reassure her. “Cade loves you more than life itself. You don’t want him to use his gift, and he wouldn’t disrespect you by doing it anyway. Not unless you were in serious danger, and it was the only option.” Swallowing hard, I try to contain my own worries and fears and be objective. “Have you been able to do the same thing to Cade?”

When Thalia wets her lips and then bites her bottom one, drawing a deep breath, I have my answer. Which means my lack of ability to do the same with Finn proves, at least in part, that there’s something wrong with us already. I don’t think he feels anything. I certainly don’t, but I’m also a glorified human right now.

I shrug. “The Leviathan’s gift is through speech and communication. It’s called a command for a reason. If what you’re talking about, projecting feelings, truly goes both ways, then why wouldn’t it be part of the bond? It wouldn’t make sense to be his gift.”

“What’s the extent of it? Will we ever be talking through it? So far, it’s like feelings and vibes,” Thalia questions.

“I’ve never heard of mates talking through their bond. I do know some who have been bonded for a long time get a sense of where the other is at or if they’re upset from a long ways away.” My reply really isn’t answering her questions.

Hanging my head, I give it another moment to see if she’s satisfied or if she wants more information. Thalia doesn’t ask any more questions.

I want to get close to Thalia and comfort her. She’s always been anxious, and while her wolf has given her some confidence, I can tell a lot of Thalia’s strength comes from hard fucking work. But what we both have in common is that we don’t have many friends.

It feels dumb to give her half answers and nothing more. Moving plants out of the way, I shuffle across the space to be by her. She moves up to the sofa, and I follow, sitting close and leaning against her.

This is the closest we’ve ever been, but it feels right. “The people who raised the three of us weren’t a good example of a healthy relationship. She was dramatic and would throw things. He would yell and command her into silence and to go away. So, as far as what a healthy bond looks like, I don’t know.”

Thalia holds my hand. Giving it a soft squeeze, she waits.

“Aunt Alora and Uncle Elliot are super weird hippies. I used to idolize their bond. But now, I don’t know, Thalia.” My chest feels tight thinking about them. All this time, I looked up to my aunt and uncle. But they were more than my aunt and uncle, and that changes a lot of how I view them.

“I’m sorry.” Thalia squeezes my hand a little harder.

My eyes meet her green ones. She gives me a slight smile.

“You know we’re friends, right?” Thalia nods at me. She leans in a little bit. “I know I’m mated to your brother, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. You can tell me things.”

“I know,” I answer her. “I’m trying. I’m trying really hard. I’m not used to having friends or family. It was the three of us for a while, then it was the two of us, and now there are five of us. It’s been a lot.”

For the first time, being in the same space as Thalia is effortless. I don’t worry that I’ve upset her or feel like she’s trying to walk on eggshells around me.

“Thalia, I don’t bite. Ask the questions,” I remind her, moving over a bit to study her face.

“It’s not a question.” Thalia bobbles her head a bit. After waiting a few moments, she finally spits it out. “I know that Cade asked you to talk me out of school for this semester.”

Adjusting my eyes from her, I look over at my plants, trying not to let the worries and fears that she’s upset with me boil up.

“I’m not mad.” Thalia pauses, pulling her hair up into a ponytail. After she has her hair tied up, she continues. “I know I wasn’t supposed to know or figure it out. But Cade feels terrible, and he let it slip when we were talking.”

Clenching and unclenching my fist, I keep composed. I take a few moments before I answer. “The ends don’t justify the means for this sort of thing. I shouldn’t have talked you out of school. You shouldn’t forgive me so easily for it.”

Thalia shakes her head. “Maybe it’s cliché that I met the boy and fell in love and I want a billion babies, pups, running around. But my little archive here and our family feel so much bigger and better than a place at the Smithsonian. He wants to wait to start a family and wants me to finish my degree, but Lena, I... don’t want to.” Thalia huffs. “I know you love academia, and I’m sure it sounds ridiculous, but I don’t think I want to go back.”

“Thalia.” I cut her off. “Honestly, I get it.”

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