Page 41 of Songs of Retribution

"Sai…" I said.

"We need to get away from here before other guards catch up," Sai said, breaking eye contact with me. "They've likely sent thrushes. We have limited time."

My breath caught. I'd used the magic to save our group, to protect Sai and Lira, Lennox and Ishir. I hadn't acted out of maliciousness, yet the way Sai refused to look at me made me think he thought that was the case. Amyra, Mother, and Father all had moments of being disappointed with me. But never Sai.

Lennox pointed at the fallen fairies. "We need to remove these soldiers. If my father suspects the magic Shaan possesses, we could lose the element of surprise."

Sai stared at Lennox, his expression growing hard, shadows slipping out. He shook his head and shouted to our guards. "Lash together wood pallets as quickly as possible. We'll drag them to the border and deal with them from there."

Lennox raised his chin, his posture firming as well. I tensed at whatever he was about to say, unsure of whose side I'd take if Lennox and Sai came to verbal blows. Lira's eyes darted between them like she wasn't sure who to back either.

"I request ground to bury these soldiers," Lennox said.

"On Prasanna lands?" Sai asked, his words as brittle as dried wood.

Lennox looked around at the lingering guards who remained to stand watch. Rain glided along the sharp planes of his cheeks and traced the thick lines of his lips. He was so beautiful but also bore the mantle of a prince—of a king—much as my brother did. I never had that and still didn't as I lingered, shoulders hunched and unsure. Lennox met the guards' eyes as he spoke. "I understand they are your enemies. But they fought for their court as you do." He turned back to look at my brother, his eyes unyielding. "They don't deserve dishonor in their burial."

Sai kept his gaze for a moment before nodding. "Very well."

Sai struggled to get to his feet with Lira’s help. Lennox watched but didn't offer assistance. The entire group walked back towards the horses, veering around the slaughter I'd committed. I stood under the tree bough as rain dripped down my cloak, sliding down my skin, and let the weight of what I'd just done settle on me.

* * *

I dropped into the tiled tub in my washroom, letting the water surge over my head, allowing the element’s swallowing nature to steal sounds and sensations, hoping it would do the same to my thoughts.

All the water swirled up out of the tub and away from me, floating in the air like a bubble. I released a breath and slid up the tub’s now empty tiles.

Lennox dropped the water gently back into the basin as he sat on the floor by the tub. He'd cleaned up already and had donned a silk button-down shirt and a vest that pinched at the narrow line of his waist. He rested his elbow on the tub's side and smiled at me, though it felt sad. "You were under there for a long time."

I swiped my hair back. "When did you come in?" It surprised me I hadn't noticed him. His presence was like a warm light that pulled me, and I was always so aware of him. Memories of the fallen Seelie guards had clouded my mind, though—their frightened, staring eyes, the way rain fell on them and mud smeared their smart uniforms. They were Lennox's people, and I'd ended their lives with a blink. I clenched my eyes closed at the thought.

Lennox slid a hand around my back. "What is it, Shaan?"

"I killed those soldiers."

Lennox sighed. He'd rolled his sleeves up and bright colors reflecting from the tub’s tiles danced over his golden skin. "You saved our lives."

"How are you not angry at me?"

Lennox frowned, his brows pressing together. "For sparing our lives?"

"No." I pulled away from his touch, feeling unworthy of it. I kept breathing, living, and seeing beauty in the world. I'd spend my night sleeping in my lover's arms in a lush palace. Several dozen Seelie would do none of that again, thanks to me. "I've thought it over. You were in control of the situation. If I hadn’t interfered, you might have talked them down."

Lennox dropped lower so his chin rested on my arm, like he dared me to move myself away from his touch, away from his love. "So they could report to my father our whereabouts, that we're all together, how the Amentium worked so well even on a being with your brother's level of magic?"

"You'd rather them be dead?"

His posture drooped, and he rested his face on my arm, closing his eyes for a moment. "Of course I don't, Shaan. But it is war." He opened his eyes and the pale blue irises sparkled—the brightest thing in the dim room. "You didn't walk into some defenseless village and murder people. You used your magic to protect our party, to fight those who'd already shot your brother and tried to steal my sister. They would have killed us with barely a beat of hesitation. You saved our lives."

I dropped my head on the tub’s edge and scoffed. "It wasn't a fight; it was a slaughter. They had no chance at all, and it barely touched my magic."

"You don't see the advantage that might give us in this war?"

I couldn't answer that. If it came to it, to protect the Prasanna, our family, and friends, and the beings who depended on us, I'd turn into a monster if I must. Sunlight that slipped past the drawn curtains glimmered across the painted ceiling’s bright colors, highlighting scarlet swirls and cerulean circles. I once thought I'd become an artist, not even a great one likely. Perhaps no one would remember my name or cherish the pieces I'd created. But I'd spend my life adding beauty to the world. Now fate had dealt me a cruel blow. Instead of adding to the world, I'd take from it, and I didn't doubt I'd be remembered for my actions.

I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to Lennox's. There weren't words to capture everything swirling through me. His moan vibrated against my lips, and he grazed his fingers down my neck. I kissed him fiercely, desperate for his calming touch and the release he could offer.

He pulled away, stood, and slipped into the tub, his clothing sticking to him. I sat up, unbuttoned his shirt, and removed the material to give way to the glide of our bodies coming together.

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