Page 42 of Songs of Retribution

But it didn't wash away the guilt gnawing at my mind, the fear of my future, the worry that I couldn't use my magic again and what might happen if I didn’t.

It didn't make me forget that I'd disappointed Sai. That if I used my magic like that, he might never look at me with respect again. Or that, if I didn't, Lennox might see me as a disappointment—weak, unable to make the decisive, bold moves he and everyone else did.

As our bodies moved together, I tried desperately to give in to the touch of my Atalla, my love for the man, the pleasure of his body on mine. But it didn't help.

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

LENNOX

My boots clippedover the Prasanna palace’s tiled floor so that the sound echoed off the high ceilings. The slippers others wore around the palace were much more discreet, but I didn't mind how the noise announced my presence. It seemed to help those who worked around the palace to expect me when I turned a corner. It still disconcerted them to have me there.

I didn't really belong—as kind as the Maharani had been and as much as I loved Shaan. Once I'd wanted to leave the Seelie world to be with him. I'd still follow him anywhere, stay in the Prasanna court if he truly wanted it, but I also had a new desire tugging on me. The Seelie needed me more than ever. Shaan had been right. Many of the soldiers—more than I expected—had listened to me when I'd called them off.

I shivered at the memory as I turned a corner, a glass mosaic gleaming bright colors over the ivory wall. I hated the loss of Seelie life and wept quietly as Elisa stood next to me, clutching my hand, while we watched Prasanna soldiers bury them.

At the same time, Shaan's guilt was misplaced. And that was his brother’s fault. I hissed through my teeth but knew it would be fruitless to say anything more to Sai. I'd tried once and gotten nothing more than a tongue lashing. He'd have to come around to seeing his brother as capable on his own. I couldn't do it for him. Knowing that didn't change the warring anger and concern quelling in me, though.

I approached a door flanked by guards and gave a woman in a navy Prasanna uniform a nod.

Álainn.The magic clicked.I'm at Margo's door.

It's open. Come in.

I knocked regardless, acknowledging both guards again, before I stepped into the guest room which offered a view of a wide, more public courtyard. The family courtyard that Shaan's room overlooked was more intimate. However, like everything the Prasanna fairies put their hands to, the grounds outside the window were beautiful with a long pool of water leading to a central fountain, all surrounded by sculpted bushes.

Lira lay next to Margo on a massive bed, her pale locks blending with Margo's dark ones. They both pressed their chins down to look at me but neither got up. I tucked my hands behind my back. "I wanted to see how you were feeling."

Lira shrugged, and Margo smiled cheekily. "Much better, thank God. I thought I was going to die."

Lira rolled her eyes. "I did actually almost die."

"Would have been a shame for both of us."

They burst into laughter, then Lira propped herself up on her side. "I really need to figure out how to unbind the sirens’ powers. It's not good for everyone to suffer when I do."

Margo's lips pinched. "I'll send some thrushes. See if I can get the troupe to join us. If the Prasanna would allow it," she tacked on at Lira's uncomfortable expression.

"We'll likely travel soon to join soldiers who are leaving to protect the border." Lira grimaced. "Perhaps they can join us there."

I gave her a subtle nod. The chances of the Maharani allowing dozens of sirens with questionable loyalties into the Prasanna palace was low. Even allowing Eldrick to join me as my advisor had been a struggle. I could tell no one trusted him, but to the man's credit, he never faltered.

"Are you coming to the meeting?" I asked.

Lira shook her head. "The sirens have suggested I spend the week on bed rest as much as possible. They've asked Sai to do the same, but he's not listening." Her features tightened. Sai hadn't allowed the palace sirens to put him in a healing sleep. He hadn't recovered from having the Amentium embedded in his arm, and yet he had attended every meeting in the few days since we'd returned and spent hours in the afternoons training with guards and soldiers. I didn't need to tap into magic and feel Lira's emotions to know she worried endlessly about him.

If he was anything like his brother, then he was stubborn to a fault. My lips twisted at that thought. I didn't know how to help Shaan with the darkness pulling on him, and I didn't know who to turn to for help. Not his fucking brother.

"Well, I wanted to check in with you," I said. "Do you want me to bring you anything after the meeting?"

Lira fluttered her eyelashes and turned her lips pouty which caused Margo to fall into a fit of giggles again. Lira so rarely attempted to charm or manipulate that it was rather endearing when she did so playfully. My heart warmed to have my sister at my side again. Her presence buoyed me, despite the blow from the Froh not aligning with us and the Seelie soldiers’ deaths.

Lira grinned. "If you happened to pass the kitchen on your way back, you could bring me a treat."

A smile tugged at my lips. "I'm sure I could arrange that." The kitchens weren’t on the way, but I'd happily make a stop. Perhaps I could cajole Shaan into joining me. He loved cooking and it might lift his spirits.

"Thank you, Lennox."

I nodded to her, gave a quick bob towards Margo, and stepped back out of the room. Ten minutes later, I walked into the makeshift war room with its gold filigree and massive tables stretching down the center, laden with maps, books, clay tablets, and scrolls. Eldrick was already there, avoiding the glares of certain Seelie officials, his eyes scanning a map that had glass beads marking Seelie locations.

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