Page 81 of Mex

“You won’t help me. You all think I’m the devil. Maybe I am. I did kill him, after all. I killed my mother, too. It didn’t even upset me. Did you know that?”

Bonnie glances at Western.

He takes a step into the room. “You need medical assistance. You’ve lost blood.”

He reaches down for me, but I throw a hand up. “No. Leave me here.”

“Honey, if you don’t get help soon, you’ll lose too much blood. We can’t leave you here,” Bonnie explains.

“I don’t care,” I cry out, my voice shaky. “Don’t you see that? I don’t care. I don’t want help. I want to stay here. If you touch me, I’ll shoot.”

I reach for the gun still beside me, and I clutch it to myself.

Bonnie looks frantically at Western again. I don’t know what they share between them, but he nods and stands, walking out of the office. Bonnie doesn’t attempt to take me from the room again, but she does sit down and stare over at me, her eyes concerned. She’s too smart to come any closer.

“Was he important to you?”

Her eyes are on Death.

I don’t answer her.

I turn my face away, my fingers trembling.

Maybe I should shoot myself and be done with it?

What is there left, after all? I’ve killed my mother; Death is gone, and the club hates me. I don’t have family, I don’t have anyone willing to fight for me. The harsh reality is, I never have. Nobody has ever loved me enough to fight. What’s my freedom truly worth? I’m forever marked with guilt, and I have nobody to share my life with.

Staring at the gun in my hands, I wonder if I have it in me?

“Whatever you’re thinkin’,” Mex’s voice fills the room. “Don’t.”

My hands are shaking now. Why is he here? He hates me so why the hell is he here? Did Marek call them? Did he organize this? How the hell did they know where to find me and why would he come?

Swallowing the thick lump in my throat, my hands begin to tremble at a more rapid rate as my heart slams against my chest. My lower lip quivers and my entire body is on high alert. Desperate to make this feeling go away, I contemplate ending it once more. It wouldn’t be hard, just a second. I wouldn’t feel it, right? The very thought has a loud sob ripping from my throat.

“Bonnie, go.”

Mex’s voice is firm, and Bonnie carefully gets off the floor and leaves the room. I don’t look over at him, I don’t move a muscle, I just hold the gun closer. I don’t want him to take it from me, his words will never change my mind. I don’t deserve to be here. My mother’s death, I can live with, but this...thisis never going to leave. It’s going to torment me for the rest of my life. Marek always knew he was going to tarnish my freedom; I knew better than to trust him.

“It’s not worth it,” Mex tells me, his voice low and gravelly as he takes a step closer to me. “You’re stronger than this.”

“Am I?” I croak between sobs. “Because right now, I don’t believe that.”

“Strongest person I know.”

“Don’t do that,” I say, whipping my head around to finally look at him, “don’t tell me things that aren’t true simply because you don’t want me to do this. You don’t get to lie in order to save a life.”

For the first time since I’ve known him, he looks hurt, scared even.

“I’m not lyin’,” he murmurs, taking a step closer, “I’m sure you know well enough by now that I’m no liar.”

I laugh bitterly, shaking my head. “You’re right about that, but you also made it very clear just how much you hated me so don’t stand there and act like you care about what happens to me.”

“You hurt me.”

His words are shocking enough to make my eyes widen just a touch. I hurt him. There is just no way he cared enough for me to hurt him. No way in the world. It’s not possible for me to hurt someone who never liked me to begin with. Right?

“Stop lying,” I choke out.

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