Page 31 of Courageous Hearts

“You seem to like this person,” he says. “The first thing you said about them was that they’re sweet. You didn’t talk about the physical. In which case, maybe it won’t matter.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, sitting forward.

“All I can say is, if Sophia had a penis, I’d still love her. She’d still be my Sophia. I wouldn’t care if…”

Grant tapers off and is quiet for a long while. Too long of a while.

“What is it?” I ask in concern.

“Huh. I’m having a moment here,” he says, voice contemplative.

“You’re having a moment?”

“I think I might not be entirely straight,” Grant says.

“I’m sorry, what?” I sputter, standing up and walking over to the window. The street is fairly quiet at this time of day, but an older couple is walking by, side by side under the brief shade of a maple tree. It’s such a serene scene compared to the upheaval I feel inside.

“I just realized that I wouldn’t care,” Grant says. “I love Sophia because of who she is, and if her body or gender were different, it wouldn’t change the way I feel.”

“So just like that, you’re sure you’re queer?” I ask in disbelief. And maybe a little bit of jealousy that Grant seems to be taking this in such calm stride. I feel like a mess in comparison.

“I don’t know for sure, no,” he says. “It’s something I’ll have to think about. I’m not in the habit of checking people out who aren’t my wife, and I’m not sure I want to start now for the sake of research. But. Based on everything rolling around in my head right now, I think there’s a good chance I’m not as firmly planted on the straight side of the scale as I assumed.”

“This is the most bizarre conversation we’ve ever had,” I note, rubbing my eyes and pacing back into the living room.

“Weirder than that four-hour-long debate on pickled condiments?”

“Maybe not,” I admit. “But I can’t say I saw this talk ending with you potentially outing yourself to me.”

Grant chuckles. “If I am bi or pan or whatever else, then I am. Would you be okay with a new label?”

I nod absently. “That’s not actually the part I’m worried about.”

It’s considering going there with Bo, my new friend and coworker, who I’ve quickly come to respect and admire. A step like this, it’s a big one. I wouldn’t be able to take it back, and I don’t want to hurt Bo on a hunch.

“Just be honest with them, James,” Grant says softly. “If a relationship with Bo is something you want to pursue, I say go for it. Honestly, I’m a bit surprised you’re putting so much thought into this in the first place. It’s not like you to look before you leap.”

I don’t let Grant’s comment get to me. I can tell by his tone he didn’t mean it as an insult. And the truth is he’s right. I am impulsive. Normally.

But this is too important to jump into without proper consideration.

“Keep an open mind,” Grant adds. “Try taking all the labels out of the equation. Take out all the extras. If you like Bo as a person and you’re attracted to them, well…then maybe see where that goes.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” I breathe out. Maybe I’m overthinking it.

The school bell rings on Grant’s end of the call, and he says, “I have to go. Call me soon. Let me know how it turns out.”

“Yeah, I will. See you.”

The line goes dead, and I set my phone on the coffee table.

Open mind.

Forget the labels.

See where it goes.

“Shit,” I mutter, wiping up the drink I just spilled.

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