Page 22 of My Heart for Yours

She blinks at me through heavy lids and wet lashes and I can see she’s trying to process my words from her limited experience and many disappointments. That’s okay though as long as she gives me a chance, because if she decides that this is too hard and she wants to go back to Chicago with Joe, I don’t know what I’ll do. I hold my breath while I wait for her to come up with a response and when she finally gives me a small nod and then lays her head back on my shoulder, I accept that as the reaction I wanted.

It’s getting late and I can feel Lisa’s body become tenser as the minutes go by. A nurse stops by to check on her and announces that visiting hours will be over in a few minutes and the heart monitor goes ballistic. The nurse, who wisely didn’t comment on my position on the bed, takes one look at me now and declares that I’ll be staying with Lisa for the night. That suits me perfectly and Lisa calms down almost immediately. I can’t hide the satisfaction on my face and the nurse gives me a wink before leaving the room.

“Looking a little smug, aren’t you?” Lisa smiles at me and I smile right back. We haven’t spoken much since my earlier declaration and I’m glad for any interaction, no matter how insignificant. I’m certainly not expecting any declarations in return, so didn’t feel disappointed when none were forthcoming. I try to get a little more comfortable when Jay comes strolling in.

“Hey, short stuff, you finally have enough of making us worry?” What the hell! I’m about to lay into him but Lisa responds first.

“Why would you worry? I had everything under complete control; it all went exactly as planned.” I’m stunned for a moment, but recognize her response for what it is. She is done feeling weak and out of control, and needs to take her power back. Jay walks around to her side of the bed, bends so that he’s in her face, and then drops a kiss on her forehead.

“That might be true, but please don’t ever do it again.” It’s whispered so softly I barely hear, but it’s impossible to miss the torment on Jay’s face. Lisa reaches up and puts her hand on his cheek.

“I’m sorry, Jay. Please don’t worry about me. I’m okay now.” He places his hand over hers and holds it there, still against his cheek.

“I’ll always worry, because that’s what friends do and there is nothing for you to apologize for, so you can just knock that off right now.” She nods, smiles at him and just like that the serious vibe is gone. Jay looks over at me.

“I hear you’re having a sleepover. Need me to get you anything?” Did I mention he’s the best brother a guy could have?

“Now that you mention it, grab me something to eat, will you? I’m not really sold on the hospital menu.” He scoffs at that.

“Sure thing. I’ll be back in a bit.” He leaves and the air suddenly feels charged with a strange tension that wasn’t there before. I’m sure Lisa feels it too because she moves from side to side like she’s trying to put a little distance between us. Well, that’s not going to happen.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” She looks up at me and the breath catches in my chest.

“I really am okay you know, despite what the snot stains on your shirt might suggest.” I know she’s trying to lighten the mood, but I’ve no idea why she feels the need to put my mind at ease.

“No, not yet, but you will be, and I will be right here with you. You’re not planning on getting rid of me, are you?” Like her, I’m trying to lighten the mood, but I’m getting a very bad feeling that Lisa and I are not on the same page at the moment. She doesn’t answer and dread settles in my chest.

Lisa

Jay returns sooner than I thought he would and I’m grateful he decides to stay a while. He sits and chats while Shane eats, and my mind wanders to what lies ahead for me. I’m not okay. I know it. Shane knows it. Hell, I think even Jay knows it and if I stay, I’ll never know if I’m strong enough to overcome what happened. Shane won’t let me do this on my own and to be honest I don’t want to either, but what kind of future can we have if I’m always going to be the weak link in our relationship? Surely, I must be able to support him as much as he does me and at the moment, I couldn’t support a feather. Obviously, I won’t feel like this forever, but how long can I expect Shane to put his life on hold so that he can give me his full attention? He deserves better than that. He deserves someone who’s as amazing as he is an equal partner; not a drain on his life and resources.

With that depressing thought running through my head, I look up, straight into Jay’s knowing eyes. Shit! When did Shane leave the room? Jay doesn’t waste any time.

“Whatever you’re thinking, just stop, okay? Shane isn’t an idiot, he knows you guys are going to have some challenges moving forward, but if you think for a moment he’s going to let you go it alone, you must have hit your head harder than I thought. He’s in love with you, Lisa, and for him that means something.” I have no idea where my next question comes from, but it falls out of my mouth as if it’s been waiting, biding its time for the right moment to present itself.

“What happened between him and Layla? I know it ended badly, but Shane never told me anything more than that. If they were so in love, why did it end?” Jay looks completely taken aback by my question and for a second I think he’s not going to answer me.

“She cheated on him, that’s all you need to know for now. If Shane wants to tell you the rest, he will do so in his own time.” Wow, I did not expect that. Layla must have been crazy to cheat on someone like Shane. I know, nobody’s perfect, but come on. The man is as close to perfection as I’ve ever seen, and this just makes it worse.

“I can see something’s going on in that head of yours, tell me what it is so I can set you straight before you make a mess of things.” I swear, only Jay can get away with saying things like that, but I give it to him straight anyway.

“While I was with Cole … He kept me locked up in the basement, tied to the bed and he would … touch me. I thought that if I let him, he would think I trusted him, and he would trust me in return and give me more freedom. I didn’t want to; he made my skin crawl, but it worked and now … I don’t know if I can deal with … any kind of intimacy.” Jay is angry. Scratch that, he looks like a volcano about to erupt.

“Okay, first of all, you were not WITH Cole. He was holding you captive against your will. And second, the man was sick, and you did what you needed to do to get away from him. Nobody is going to judge you for that and if you think Shane is going to hold it against you, you really don’t know him as well as you think you do.” And that right there is the problem.

“You’re making my point for me, Jay. Shane and I still have a lot to learn about each other and now, yet another man is standing in his way, because I don’t know how I’m going to handle being close to him after what happened.” He considers this for a moment.

“You were close to him earlier, curled up together nice and cozy.” I blush, because is he really going to make me spell it out for him?

“You know what I mean, Jay.” He sighs, nods his head and shrugs.

“It’s going to take time, Lisa. Please promise me you won’t make any rash decisions without talking to Shane first. If you decide you can’t be in a relationship with him, he’ll deal but just talk to him first. Don’t take off on him, he deserves better than that.” Believe me, I know.

Shane

I stand outside the door, listening to their conversation and every word turns the screws ever tighter in my chest. She’s going to leave. I can hear it in her voice, and I feel paralyzed standing here in this hallway with doctors and nurses rushing by, oblivious to the fact that my heart is being shredded beyond anything they could ever repair.

The voices become quiet, so I walk back into the room, ignoring Jay and going straight to Lisa.

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