Page 29 of My Heart for Yours

I’m pregnant. Holy shit, I’m pregnant!

After talking with Sam yesterday, I made my way back to my rental, but not before making a stop to buy one of those home pregnancy tests that I finally scraped up the nerve to take this morning. Yep, two little blue lines confirm that I officially do not have a stomach bug. Or a case of the nerves. Or anything else that could cause this queasy feeling. I’m going to be a mom. Cue more of the queasiness, because what do I know about babies or kids or raising them. I bet Shane will know. I bet he’ll make an amazing dad. And just like that my eyes start to water and when I look around my temporary home and see it for the impersonal accommodation that it is, the waterworks start in earnest. This is not where I want to be. As if I needed more of a sign, my phone starts to ring. Jay! No, no, no, no. He’s going to know something’s wrong the second he hears my voice, but I take a steadying breath and answer anyway because there is no way I’m ignoring his call now. No words come out though and Jay doesn’t waste any time, giving me his usual greeting.

“Hey, short stuff, how’s it going? When are you coming home?” Ah crap, here we go. Tears, snot, the works. “Lisa? What the hell! What’s wrong? Talk to me!” How did I not notice before that these Cahill brothers are such a bossy bunch, always ordering me to talk. I try, honestly I do, but nothing intelligible comes out.

Eventually I manage a choked “Hey” before Jay cuts me off.

“Okay, enough of this bullshit. Come home Lisa. I’m serious, you have two days to drive your ass back here or I’m coming to get you and I’m bringing Shane with me. Is that what you want?”

I shake my head and then follow up with, “No, I’ll come back. I can’t do this on my own.” Jay stays silent for a moment before asking more quietly this time.

“Lisa, did something happen? I can come to you. Don’t worry about Shane, I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to. Just tell me what’s going on.” I consider telling him about the test but decide against it almost right away. As much as I appreciate having Jay in my life, Shane should hear the news first and he should hear it from me.

“No, I’m fine. Really, nothing’s happened. I just feel a little under the weather and your call made me realize how much I miss you guys, so I’m coming home. I’ll leave tomorrow morning and see you the day after.” I’m not sure I sound very convincing, but Jay doesn’t push.

“Okay then but check in with me along the way so I know you’re okay.” Tears threaten again but this time I manage to keep it together.

“I promise. And Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” I don’t say anything else because I think he knows and of course he proves me right.

“Any time, short stuff. Don’t know what the two of you would do without me. I swear you’re as stubborn as he is. Now get some rest and we’ll talk again tomorrow.” And with that he hangs up and I’m left to daydream about what my future will look like.

I contact Dr. Keaton to let him know that I’m heading back to Colorado and won’t be seeing him again. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but he seemed very pleased with my news, as if he thought I was cured and was waiting for me to figure this out on my own. I’m not sure I would go that far, but I’m definitely in a much better place than when I first saw him. Anyway, it’s a relief to know he supports my decision. After letting the rental agent know that I’ll be leaving sooner than expected, I start packing up my things and spend the remainder of the day preparing and then resting for the trip ahead.

Shane calls just before I go to bed, but I keep the conversation short. I don’t want to risk slipping up and telling him that I’m coming home or worse, that I’m pregnant with his child when we never discussed what our future would look like or if that future would include a family of our own. Deep down I know I’m being unnecessarily cautious. I know Shane loves me and that we will spend the rest of our lives together, but this is a big step, one neither of us planned for and to be brutally honest, I’m petrified.

The good thing about a solo road trip? You have plenty of time to think, to sort things out in your head … and maybe I say a few of those things out loud too, just because I can. Don’t judge. To say that my childhood wasn’t great would be the understatement of the decade and examples of good parenting were a little lacking, but here’s the thing: I turned out kind of okay. Maybe I’m spending too much time focusing on the past and what I didn’t have to realize that I have more than enough now. I’m strong and independent and I have Shane and his family who will guide and support me. I know this for a fact. Maybe this is just one more instance when I should leave the past where it belongs. It also occurs to me that this little one is going to be the most spoiled kid in Colorado and that makes me smile.

Chapter 18

Shane

Jay’s acting weird. More so than usual. He keeps checking his phone and then looking at the door as if he’s waiting for someone, when there’s a gorgeous woman sitting right next to him at the bar. They did talk to each other for a little while, but now both are preoccupied with their phones. People!

“Hey, what are you doing?” I glare at him, shoot a quick look at the woman, and then look back at him so that he knows what I’m referring to, but he chooses to play dumb.

“What are you talking about?” He doesn’t even give me his full attention, just glances at his phone, and then turns back towards the door, but before I can say anything it happens. Déjà vu.

The honey-brown hair hangs well past her shoulders now, her eyes still sparkle like they are lit from the inside, and that mouth that I can almost taste smiles wide when she sees me. She’s lost weight and she looks pale, but that doesn’t matter. She’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and as soon as I can breathe again, I’m going to tell her that and not stop until she begs me to. Might not even stop then. I start to move around the bar to get to her but stop when her eyes suddenly go wide, and she makes a mad dash for the ladies’ room. Okay, it was a long drive, she must really need to go. Nothing to worry about, but when she doesn’t come out after a few minutes, I do start to worry. Reid appears at my side and waves me off and I go looking for my girl. What I don’t expect to find is her bent over the toilet in one of the stalls, heaving out a lung, or maybe an alien being. Shit, she sounds really sick. She must sense me hovering close by because she manages to look up at me during a break in the proceedings.

“Hey, beautiful, what’s wrong? What can I do to help?” I don’t wait for her to answer, just take out the dish towel I keep in my back pocket, wet it with cold water and proceed to wipe the back of her neck. This seems to help a bit and she stands up straight.

“Hey, surprise.” Her voice is weak and raspy, but I appreciate the attempt at humor. What I don’t appreciate is her trying to cheer me up. Seriously?

“Sweetheart, I’m so happy to see you but please tell me what’s going on? Why did you drive so far when you are so sick?” She goes over to the sink to rinse out her mouth and then turns back to me.

“Can we go to your office to talk? Don’t really want to have this conversation in a bar’s bathroom. Not that this isn’t a perfectly nice bathroom …” She trails off and I decide enough is enough. I take her in my arms and just hold her for a minute.

“I’ve missed you.” I almost don’t hear her. Instead of answering I just hold her tighter. Once we step away from each other, I take her hand and lead her to my office. We have to walk past the front of the bar again and as we pass, Jay smiles and then winks at Lisa. “You knew she was coming! That’s why you’ve been acting so weird.” Jay doesn’t say anything to me, just gets up off his seat and walks over to Lisa to give her a hug.

“Hey, short stuff, I’m glad you’re back. This guy has been insufferable.” She chuckles and hugs him back and then we head to my office.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?” We sit in my office chair, her in my lap although she keeps trying to pull away, I assume because of the vomit breath. I don’t care, it’s not even that bad and there’s no way I’m letting her go. She must tell me why she’s so sick and I get the feeling I’m going to have to keep her close for that talk.

“It was kind of a spur of the moment decision and I didn’t want to spoil the surprise.” Her smile is a bit more like I remember, but there is something off and I need to know what it is.

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