Page 103 of The Sound in Silence

Maybe for once, I don’t want to wear my mask. Don’t have the strength to lift it to my face and bury the truth any longer. Erico’s seen and is acceptive of me so far, so why wouldn’t my sister?

“Why did your husband call mine, who texted me, to call you?” is her flurry of questions.

The device is heavy, my weakened muscles unable to hold it to my face. I stick it on speakerphone and drop the phone to the bed.

“Also, I’m in the car with Aurora, and you’re on speaker, but I could call later, if you’d like. Nico messaged minutes ago, and he sounded sketchy, so I didn’t want to wait.”

Another smidge of light. Aurora’s presence doesn’t matter. My sister’s energy, while overwhelming, is secondary to the feelings. The words that slip out during my next breath, whispered so minutely, but impactful on my soul, so uncaring that someone other than my sister can overhear.

Like saying them aloud, to someone outside my marriage, makes them morereal.

“I can’t have kids.”

Silence.

I sense them glancing at one another, can practically see Della leaning forward.

“What are you talking about, Ariella?”

“They ran a test. My body can’t produce eggs. I won’t conceive.”

Are the words truly being said aloud, or only in my head? Admitting the impossible, but then again, my mood also tumbles backwards, to the time before Erico found me on the floor. Numbness creeps up, wrapping around my throat. If I speak so matter-of-factly, maybe my own brain will soon accept them.

Della makes a soft noise. “Ariella…no. No. That’s always what you dreamed of.”

I know.

“Is Erico aware?” Then she scoffs, answering her own question, “I’m dumb. Of course he does, considering he’s the one who spoke with Nico. What did he say?”

Silence. This time for me. Everyone on this phone call knows the reality of this situation. It’s almost fitting in a cruel way that Aurora’s listening in. Ironic since it should have been her conceiving theFamigliaheir.

“He claims it doesn’t matter. That he cares for me. That he’ll get more doctors and more tests ran until we get a more desirable response. He says no matter the outcome, we’ll have a child one way or the other.”

“That’s a better response than I thought he’d give, to be honest. This is positive…even if it’s not exactly what you’re looking for. If he’s willing to work with you, then maybe I didn’t give him enough credit.”

“I love him,” I admit without another thought. “I don’t know how or why, but he broke down my barriers, and I do. Ican’tlose him, Della. I’ve lost so much I care for. He can’t be yet another person.”

“He won’t be. I’ll have his balls if he does.” There’s shuffling in the background and then, “Hang on. I’m hunting down Nico. We’ll be there in a few hours.”

Here. No. On another man’s territory. Then my sister will see me in all my miserable glory.

“Don’t, it’s fine, Della. Besides, the moment of my vows, we ended up on separate sides.”

“I know,” she replies regretfully. “But I feel so lost right now. What can I do to help?”

Get me a better functioning system.

Another voice comes through the speakers. Softer, packed with empathy. “Ariella, it’s Aurora.”Knew that.“Look, you mentioned it being your egg production, which means for now, you can stillcarrya child.” She pauses. “I’m sorry, I suck at this. I’m just trying to say, there is a positive here. Be with Erico. Let him support you. If you need to talk, call us. You know we love you.”

What she’s suggesting makes sense, but hope is difficult when one’s mood already deems things are hopeless.

“Ariella?” my sister calls when I haven’t responded in a while.

I hang up and bury my head in my pillow.

Let the darkness consume me.

The bits of light seeping through—I need to grasp them. I know I do.

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