Page 102 of The Sound in Silence

Guilt because this changes nothing.

When she shifts, and her hair blocks her face, I bring her closer, first pushing her hair away. I don’t kiss her, not yet, just cup her face and stare into her eyes, searching through the layers of pain to the woman I’ve discovered to be my everything.

“Ariella, you won’t be changing my mind. We’ll get every single fertility test we can ran, and even if they all return with undesirable results, wewilldo whatever we need to. You will get your child, and if not from science, we’ll fucking adopt.”

“Your family—”

“Doesn’t matter.Sirena, I’ll entice an internal war with theFamigliato keep you. You’re not going anywhere. What we’ve learned today doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Amidst the misery, a small flame ignites in her eyes. A spark. It’s present and now it must continue to be fanned, to ensure it blazes and doesn’t dim.

“How do you feel?” she whispers, resting her hand over my heart.

I lay mine overtop, ensuring she feels my next words. “I don’t know what love is, Ariella. My parents sucked at conveying it. But if love exists, it’s what I feel for you.” My hand presses into hers harder, trying to imprint her touch onto my skin so I never have to be without it. “I’m obsessed with you and have been since the beginning. I fell in love with you before you spoke to me, but giving me your voice,sirena, that was a gift I’ll never be able to repay.”

The spark grows brighter.

But when I’m about to kiss her, it dissolves. Like a lighter being snapped shut.

She falls against my chest, her hands covering her face, hiding from me.

And cries. Sobs.

Apologies,I love yous, begging for hope, negative statements about herself, mentions of guilt—everything and anything.

She’s rolling through every grief stage within minutes of one another. Back and forth. Years of hopes and dreams being confused with reality. I reply to nothing she mumbles, whether the truth or a lie. She has to feel every emotion bombarding her, so I hold her through them all, rubbing her back, petting her hair, gripping onto her so she knows.

That no matter what happened today, I fucking love her.

And I’ll burn the world down to keep her.

My family included.

Ariella

Darkness.

Misery.

Amongst the pain, there is a light continuing to break through. A support like none I’ve had in the past. A person that held me for all the hours passing. One? All night? Time goes differently when you’re crying.

At some point, I’m sure I passed out because I recall him undressing me, and then there was a pillow beneath my head.

Through the ongoing tears, the wave after wave of breathtaking despair, I heard him.Heardall his reassurances. Swallowed them like a fucking pill, like medicine to heal my wounded soul. I love him more for them, but it doesn’t change the fact of what we learned.

I might be unable to conceive.

Science, adoption, all the options he’s listed are fine, but they’re not the same as growing the child myself. Not the same as learning all my dreams are being ripped from me one at a time.

Processing, I am not.

Eventually, Erico presses his lips to my forehead, but the time is unknown. I can’t check because my eyes refuse to open, sealed shut with dried tears and exhaustion. He lingers, inhaling, and I don’t know why, but it brings a smile to my face.

His fingers remain on my hand until he’s gone entirely. He must shut the curtains because the light behind my lids dim even further. After he goes, sleep tries to drag me under. Exhaustion has me craving the bliss of nothingness, but it never comes. Only hovers while my racing thoughts are ongoing.

Maybe I eventually doze, or I don’t, but my phone’s ringer cuts through the silence.

My sister’s name flashes on the screen, providing me every reason tonotanswer it. But if I’m correct in my assumption, then she won’t stop until I shut the phone off. My fingers slide over the two buttons that’ll bring up the power option…but instead, I swipe, answering the call.

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